Low self esteem making me sabotage relationships

[Colourfulowls]

I seem to be some sort of perpetual victim of other people. I've been very fortunate in my life to have been brought up in a safe home, supported, parents still in good health, been to uni, been able to live abroad, never been out of work etc.

I've met many great people, but also seem to have met a lot of bad ones. However I can't tell if it's my own self esteem making me take everything badly and think that people are out to get me.

I have had several bad relationships, I am liable to manipulation.
I have been bullied throughout school and in several jobs.
I seem to have had several fake friends who use me, take advantage, who are jealous and don't really care about me.
I'm very wary of anybody new i meet and don't trust them. I have very low expectations from anybody now, tomorrow I'm meant to be meeting up with an old friend after years, however I expect her to not be bothered about seeing me after this time as she'll probably be bored.

I tend to take a lot of things personally and think that people don't respect me or care enough, I might be totally wrong though.

I also have a lot of emotional baggage and I am very angry inside because of how I've been treated in the past. I'm never fully relaxed and always think I have issues of some sort, and wonder how my boyfriend is still here.
Planning to speak to a therapist this week. I think I've just gotten to a point where I'm thinking, they can't possibly all be arseholes, it must be me?

I do have a couple of wonderful friends and colleagues, as well as family, who I couldn't say a bad word about.

Without the context of some of the situations you’re referring to, it’s very difficult to provide an opinion really.

What I will say though, people who give of a sort of persecution complex or take everything to heart can be very draining over time and would be a reason for friends to back away.

Do you keep all of these people in your life? I think most people politely drop people they have outgrown, or more importantly, people who them feel bad about themselves.
If you don't drop people who make you feel negatively about yourself, why not?

I have dropped them all from my life now fortunately, though some took longer than others.
I understand it can be very draining.
It's too long a list to mention, just exes who cheated or kinda got with someone else whilst they were still seeing me, who manipulated and gaslighted.

Bullied for the entirety of high school in various forms.

Since the age of 18 (now 30) I can name 4 different workplaces where I was bullied by another woman.

Had a couple of fake friends who were insecure and brought me down to make themselves feel better, or male friends who deemed it ok to make inappropriate comments.

I know most people have experienced this kind of stuff, I wish I could just get over it all. I don't want to be this perpetual victim, I want to be strong, positive and confident.