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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say that I'm a terrible mother!

13 replies

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 16/03/2021 14:55

I'm feeling so awful. My son fell a month ago. Hurt his wrist but there was no swelling bruising or excess pain. Given hospitals message to stay away unless emergency I didn't take it to get checked out due to it causing pain. Now a month later and it looks like it may have fractured, and due to not treating immediately i may have caused complications. Kicking myself for not doing something sooner. Anyone else been a bad parent?! Just wishing i could turn back a clock right now ☹️

OP posts:

Ginuwine · 16/03/2021 14:57

@Alittlenonsensenowandthen

You can't win posting it in this forum, which tends to attract the critical types only in order to cause you, the OP, discomfort.

What matters (not that my opinion does!) is that you caught the issue now, and your DC will be helped. You've also had the time to reflect on whether pushing forward with earlier intervention might on reflection have been the best approach. In my book? that makes you a good mother!

Original poster

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 16/03/2021 14:58

Should say i didn't get it checked out originally due to lack of pain but went today because pain was flaring up.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2021 14:58

I think you need to stop with the 'terrible mother' and even if someone has a similar story, that won't mean they're a bad parent.

These things happen and it can be a close call between feeling like you're wasting NHS time (or risking contracting COVID) and deciding it's probably fine.

You made the wrong call that's all.

Hope your DC is better soon and everything goes smoothly.

sadpapercourtesan · 16/03/2021 14:58

You'll have to do better than that if you want the "terrible mother" badge

Honestly, you made a perfectly understandable judgement call. It won't be the last wrong turning you take as a mum, so be bit more generous with yourself! I doubt there's anyone on MN who has never made a bad call and felt rotten about it

XelaM · 16/03/2021 15:00

I broke my arm falling of a horse as a child (no Covid in sight) and my parents thoughI was being way too dramatic about the pain, so didn't take me to hospital until a week later and kept telling me to stop moaning. (My parents are generally lovely honestly and I don't hold against them )

Original poster

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 16/03/2021 15:01

Thanks ginuwine. I know how critical aibu is. Maybe I'm in self destruct mood! I may need to rethink my attitude to medical stuff...im such a relaxed optimist that I'm generally of the attitude 'oh it'll be fine in a week or so'! Not just with kids, me as well worry more at the moment as we home ed our kids and don't want a red flag against my name for bad parenting!

OP posts:

Advic3Pl3as3 · 16/03/2021 15:03

My mum did this to me. The headmaster at my school ended up suggesting she might want to take me to get checked out. We laugh about it now. She’s still the best Mum ever. My dad also accidentally dislocated my shoulder when I was a kid too. He’s still the best dad ever.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re not a bad mother.

Original poster

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 16/03/2021 15:04

Thanks all. Helps to know others have done similar!

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 16/03/2021 15:05

Dont blame yourself. It didn't show any signs of bad injury at the time.

My mother told me just to rub lavender oil on my knee after I fell and passed out.
Later found out I had torn my ACL and was on crutches for months.
she's a lovely woman but didn't have xray eyes and did what she thought best
Hope he makes a quick recovery

whiteshark · 16/03/2021 15:06

You are not a terrible mother at all.

The same happened to me as a child, fractured my wrist at school. It didn't cause too much pain and wasn't picked up until a subsequent fall a few months later. I'm fine, no lasting damage at all.

Don't get me wrong, i still wind my parents up about it regularly, so expect that!

ghostyslovesheets · 16/03/2021 15:07

I called my daughter fakey McFakeyface after she refused to walk on a leg minor injuries said was fine - a trip back to A+E confirmed it was broken in 2 places! It happens to us all sometimes - it's called life - not bad parenting.

Incidentally my DD2 doesn't cry or make a fuss when she breaks things (wrist, leg, collar bone, arm) she just goes quiet and says she's fine - which I now know is a clue to get her to x-ray asap. The tiniest bit of blood though (like a tiny scratch) would send into full blown meltdown!

Itsalonghaul · 16/03/2021 15:18

You did what you thought was best at the time, that is all any of us can do.
Not every decision you make will be the right one, none of us get everything right all of the time. I did sports at school with a broken ankle for a whole week before my parents reluctantly took me to A&E. Get it looked at now, do what you can to ensure it heals properly. We are in a pandemic, things like this are happening all of the time op

magicstar1 · 16/03/2021 18:02

I had an accident aged 30 and when my wrist was x-rayed it showed a rebreak. It had been broken before apparently. I remembered my dad running at me playing when I was 8 and I fell backwards off a wall. My wrist was sore and my mother strapped it up and said it was just a sprain...obviously not lol.

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