Inapproproate remarks at work

[Noname4582]

I wanted some advice. I started working a few years ago in this place and a member of staff was very nosey. He was an older man but very touchy with his arm on my shoulder. Once I was searching for a seat in a meeting and he tapped his knees to signal 'sit on my knees' so i ignored him. Now another person who works in his team was around and i said i found him creepy and she said ' he is my uncle'. I noticed that team since those years has been very cold towards me. I didn't realise why they were like this. Like so cold they make me feel uncomfortable if I come in to the room when they're around.

I understand saying he was creepy was wrong and I knew this girl. But is it wrong that they are all being so cold towards me? Was i wrong to have been bothered by his touchiness? He does this every female staff and i hate that he tried to get touchy with me.

That’s sexual harassment. Have you a HR department you can make a complaint to?

@nimbuscloud that is not sexual harassment. It is indeed, as the OP said, creepy. But it's not sexual harassment.

@nimbuscloud
@inkstainjetplain.
Yes it is creepy. I did think if going to complain but I never did. I wasnt sure it was sexual harassment but I knew if I said anything it would be regarded as the arsy non team player etc as no one else complains. I told my colleague and she said aww but he's nice. I just think he can be nice without touching me. I hate that kind of thing. Maybe I'm too uptight?

I think I would jist be hated if I did complain

[quote inkstainjetplanes]@nimbuscloud that is not sexual harassment. It is indeed, as the OP said, creepy. But it's not sexual harassment. [/quote]
Explain to us how a man in the workplace tapping his knee and suggesting a woman sit on it during a meeting is not sexual harassment?

Oh, and add to that, the OP is now being treated poorly at said workplace because she doesn't appreciate being sexually harassed and made it known.

ACAS definition of sexual harassment

*Examples of sexual harassment

Sexual harassment can be a one-off incident or an ongoing pattern of behaviour.

It can happen in person or in other ways, for example online through things like email, social media or messaging tools.

Examples include:

flirting, gesturing or making sexual remarks about someone's body, clothing or appearance
asking questions about someone's sex life
telling sexually offensive jokes
making sexual comments or jokes about someone's sexual orientation or gender reassignment
displaying or sharing pornographic or sexual images, or other sexual content
touching someone against their will, for example hugging them
sexual assault or rape
What some people might consider as joking, 'banter' or part of their workplace culture is still sexual harassment if:

the behaviour is of a sexual nature
it's unwanted
it violates someone's dignity or creates a hostile environment for them*

[quote inkstainjetplanes]@nimbuscloud that is not sexual harassment. It is indeed, as the OP said, creepy. But it's not sexual harassment. [/quote]
I recognise your name. I thought, based on your threads this morning you might have boundary issues.

And now I see you don’t think this is sexual harassment, I’m certain you do.

I look back at sexual harassment I experienced at work and wished I’d complained. I would now. I feel sorry for all the young girls who came after me and would have suffered. It’s not acceptable to be a creep at work. It’s not acceptable to cross boundaries, touch people and pay your knee ( so gross) please reach out to HR. Good luck

Huh? Didn't mean to post that gibberish! Sorry!

Clearly it easier for you to be ostracised instead telling Creepy Uncle to keep his wandering hands to himself and being sexually inappropriate.

It’s this kind of shit that keeps telling men that what they’re doing isn’t a problem and that women are just little idiots who can’t take a joke.

It's definitely sexual harassment and I seriously doubt he would've patted his knee if you were a man.

With regards to the whole team being cold towards you over the years since it happened, I'm not sure what you can do about it as it's hard to prove isn't it?

Thank you everyone who replied. And @ worralliberty. It is hard to prove of course and I'm not too bothered I I jist wondered why you would turn cold on someone, unless I was wrong and it wasn't a big deal. Some of the people turned against me a female staff too and higher up. I don't intend on complaining since it happened around 2017. See I just clocked why everyone was so cold toward me inspite of me being extra nice. It makes sense. But then I started to wander if I was being too, as they say, extra. See I'm a teacher and he is pastoral. And he often puts his arm around female pupils too with other teachers walking by and in front of cameras too. That's why I wonder if that's ok? If it isnt why hasnt anyone else said anything. Obviously its COVID now so no touching. This is giving me anxiety. If he put his arm around my child I would have to damage him.

P.s I have written up a safeguarding re him putting his arm around female pupils but nothing really changed. Just the head of safeguarding started walking past me like I stank. I spoke to the girl he put his arm around she said just shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes as to say...yeah and?

He was being creepy. You did nothing wrong by saying you found his behaviour creepy. The fact that he does these things openly mean he can do it at will without suspicion. Gesturing for you to sit on his knee at work was creepy and was sexual harassment . I think you're right that there's not much to do now about it other than be vigilant

Thank you twistered. I just wanted to make myself feel better I guess.

Perhaps the niece of creepy uncle could have assisted in calling out this unacceptable behaviour by talking to him about it, even if away from the office.

Him being an adult working at a school, and touching schoolgirls puts a different slant on this. I think the acceptance of him putting his arm around a child makes it more important to get properly dealt with.