To think the problem with ‘natural consequences’ is:

[Peppaismyrolemodel]

Me: if you throw that it will break
Ds: throws toy (breaks)
Me: oh dear, it’s broken bc it was thrown!

Ds: examines broken toy, then throws it again

(Toy miraculously starts working)

Ds: yeah! Fixed toy!
🤨

The phrase is often misused I find.

People often use natural consequences when they really mean a punishment related to the crime, like having to clean up your own mess or pay for damages out of pocket money for example.

Really the phrase was coined to explain that "consequences" is not a synonym for "punishment" as a lot of people like to use it (because it sounds less harsh). In reality the natural consequence is often completely unrelated to any kind of message that we want to teach!

sod's law... try it with something of yours... nope, even more broken...

I think that's just the direct result of a behaviour. A natural consequence would be, you aren't looking after something, so you can't have it until you learn to look after it. Or a teenager breaking their phone so they have to buy themselves a new one. The result was that a phone was broken, the consequence was that they had to spend their own money if they wanted a phone.

@Peppaismyrolemodel that is my youngest ds. He is unbelievably lucky, and annoys his siblings (and sometimes his mother) with his cat-like ability for terrible decisions to somehow turn out well. I can't decide if this means his life will.turn out golden, or he's going to face a terrible reckoning

@BertieBotts I disagree on consequences Vs punishment though. Cleaning up your own mess isn't a punishment, any more than it's a 'punishment' for someone who lives in a share house to clean up after they cook, or for me to replace a rake that a friend lent me and then we accidentally broke. It's playing an active and contributing part in your household, family and community, without expecting someone else to serve you. Similarly @Tinydinosaur the whole point is for them to be as close as possible to direct results - so you as the parent are not dreaming up punishments, you're letting them experience and ideally fix the results of bad choices, which gives them autonomy and control, a clearer understanding of why certain choices aren't great, and I have found helps your relationship in doing it too.

Absolutely Over the rubicon- I think this emphasised by the fact that my 3yo enjoys making things ‘all fresh and clean’. And so will happily tip water on the floor to get the chance to clear up.. ditto play dough, paint, cereal and glitter 😩