Me and ex are split up 15 months. Have a 6 month old baby. He cheated on me when I was in early stages of pregnancy leaving in the middle of buying a house. He was also emotionally abusive during the relationship. Extremely nasty breakup. He sent alot of nasty messages including threats to reveal my personal secrets to people throughout the pregnancy which resulted in me having to block him. So that's the back story.
He has been part of our child's life for the last 6 months however it has to be his terms. He won't set days . He wants to be able to text me on any given day and say hey can I see babys name today. And I always let him. I tried mediation but he wouldn't engage with it past the 1st session(it was over zoom) because the mediator stood up to him on the session because he became abusive to me and she called him out on it and told him repeatedly that she will not continue if hes abusive, he also told the mediator he wouldn't give commit to set days.
I have never asked my ex to mind our child. He decides how much maintenance he pays. I Let him come down whenever he wants for an easy life. I let him make snide comments about the way I'm raising our child,snide comments about me and my family. I rarely rise to it but this week I did.
Our child has been sick for the last 8 days so.i have had so little sleep I'm exhausted, so tired I've randomly burst into tears with exhaustion so for the first time ever I asked my ex would he come down and mind them on saturday while I get a couple of hours sleep. He promised he would that he'd walk the streets if he had to to give me a break.
So Saturday arrives he texts to say he has an urgent job and he'd be down in the afternoon I say no problem hope he gets it sorted, then 4 c clock comes he texts to say he's only.home and he's starving(should mention he lives 45 mons away) so I told him to relax and have his dinner and come down then. He replies with a smiley face. Half 7 comes and he messages I fell asleep!! I kept my cool and sent ah sure these things happen. 8pm comes and he texts I'll come down tomorrow its too late now...the Sunday was mother's day and I had plans so I text him that tomorrow doesn't suit and he never replies. So it turns out there was sports on the TV and that's why he didn't want to come down.
So Sunday I decided to tell him that I needed set days so that I knew when he was coming down so I knew when I was going to have some free time and also I could arrange things with my new house(I'm finishing off the renovation a house so trying to move in the next 2 weeks) told him he could set the days. His reply was I've a very busy week ill have to check my diary. I replied I'm sure you can pencil your child in....which set him off telling me I'm lazy that if I had her in a better routine I wouldn't need a break, that I chose to raise her as a single mother and that he was no longer going to provide.childcare when I went back to work(plan was he'd mind child on his days off)...I rose to none of those comments just told him unless it was about our child not to comment...his reply was if it wasn't for our child I would never contact you again, 2nd message biggest regret ever. Then a 3rd message biggest mistake of my life, after that message he was typing a 4th message and I blocked him.
I can take the abuse and name calling when it's against me but to say he regrets it and calling it the biggest mistake of his life was actually the breaking point for me. So where do I go from here? Do I continue letting him see child on his terms so child can have a father in their life? Or do I make set days knowing out of spite he won't turn up and will probably walk away from them? He has said this is the past that he would walk away if he had to keep to set days.