To hate having anyone in my house?

[inkstainjetplanes]

I absolutely hate having anyone in my house. I live with my daughter and other than her I hate anyone else in my home. It makes me feel uneasy and as if they're getting their germs everywhere. I feel like I could scream as they take over my house.

My friend stayed last night (not in UK) for work and this morning he is up, being so loud, helping himself to whatever he wants. He smokes and usually stands at my back door to do so which is fine. But this morning he brings his cigarette in through the kitchen, in to the living room and through to the porch to look for something. I said can you please take your cigarette back through to the kitchen or or put it out, 'I will' he replies whilst still puffing away.

He turns the big light on in the living room which there is no need to turn on, I say can you please turn that off 'I will' he says, but of course he doesn't.

I have no idea how many times I have told him no shoes in house and there he is, walking about before work with shoes on all over my house, to the point I have given up telling him.

I hate it, I hate having him or anyone in my house, I love my home, it's my sanctuary and I hate people just thinking they can come in and treat it however the fuck they like! I would have so much more respect it someone else's house. So fucking angry.

He has no respect for you and your home. I certainly wouldn't be having him to stay again if it makes you feel this way.

Me too

Why did you invite this bolshy and disrespectful person to stay?

If you don’t like guests in your home, don’t invite them. It’s your home. Or do you struggle with boundaries and saying no?

Why do you let him stay if he's so disrespectful?

He was in the city for work, had a hotel room but came over last night for some food and drinks. Consumed a little too much wine and ended up staying over so not a planned sleepover.

Hide the wine and tell him you are out

I know it is lying what I wrote earlier but he will keep getting drunk. don’t allow him drink and smoke in your home.

The cigarette would annoy me too. But if I felt like you do about people in my house, I would have asked friend to get a taxi to the hotel and come back for their car in the morning.

I'm not sure that's a 'house guests' problem, it sounds a lot like a 'one disrespectful prick' problem?

I don't stay at peoples houses often (I have the opposite issue to you, anxiety about staying in someone else's space!) but there is absolutely no way on earth I'd act like that. I'm probably equally a pain the other way around though, I'll wait to be offered a drink etc rather than help myself, which I'm sure makes me come off as lazy rather than just desperate not to be seen to be taking advantage

I love guests but would HATE this!!!!!
Yanbu

I know, he's really doing my head in. So loud. You know usually in someone's home you try and be quiet in the morning, not him. He's so loud, banging about singing etc.

I also hate people coming round, nothing to do with germs I just like my own space.

But your 'friend' was behaving really badly, that is nothing to do with you, they were really very rude.

I would not have them over again.

As for the shoes off thing - I had to tell a relative they wouldnot be welcome anymore if they kept doing that. It was awkward but they were just being a difficult arse.

Well, we live n learn. Next time, visit him at wherever he's staying. Your house is not available.
I hate rudeness like this, too.

So it's a one off? Your OP makes it sound like he's a regular guest. Just don't invite him again.

Can't get why you let him do it - he's not a guest anybody would welcome.

No problem here, just don't invite him round again. Job done

I like having people in my house (up to a point, after a weekend I want time to myself again) but I'd never want your friend round, that's really rude and would make me mad, and I think I'm a pretty relaxed host. Putting a light on, to me is fine, and helping himself, to me, is fine as means I don't have to wait on him hand and foot. But the other two things, no shoes or smoking inside, are pretty widespread and easy house rules and he isn't bothered at all, that's really rude and disrespectful. Especially the smoking, most smokers are used to going outside and will be aware it really smells. When is he going? I don't think I'd have him round again.

@Wearywithteens

You allowed him to stay. If you really hated it you would’ve called a taxi to take him back. Sorry but this sounds like morning after regret. Presumably he’ll be gone soon - just remember the experience and how it made you feel next time you’re thinking of allowing someone to stay over.

That's not fair. OP tried to do the decent thing despite her dislike of sharing her home - as I think most of us would probably try to do. It's called good manners. In response the guest abused her kindness. Not "morning after regret", but discovering in the morning just how badly her "friend" can behave, which obviously she wouldn't have known the night before on offering hospitality. Next time will presumably never be this rude person again, but hopefully someone who will be grateful and polite.

Honestly, I wouldn’t let him in anymore. He keep crossing the boundaries, like getting drunk where you had no choice but let him stay. A decent person would not put you in this position. Who knows what other boundaries he is willing to cross.

I thought you were having a lie in?

This person wouldn't be invited again - especially if you're a woman living alone with your child and he's happy to treat you like that - bet he wouldn't if a man told him

Why didn't he answer the door if he was up?

He is a man therefore he is the man of the House therefore he can dominate and do whatever he likes
Furthermore he is the only male in the house therefore he is the alpha and can dominate and do whatever he likes
I think that's probably how it works in his head, don't let him over the threshold again OP!

Your "friend" is a prick, and you really need to assert yourself more. "Get your fucking cigarette out of my house NOW" would be a good start. Definitely do not allow him over again. I would have gone mental if I were you. My PIL's aren't allowed to smoke anywhere on my property, nevermind walk through the house with one.