To have taken sons phone?

[neneque]

I'm a long time lurker but I don't know what I do anymore

My ds is 16 and In year 11. Earlier I had a message from my sister in law and she told me that her ds (12 and in year 7) told her that my ds told him to skip school with him and when he said no ds called him a pussy. I spoke to ds and he said he didn't and told me to fuck off so I took his phone off of him.

He's just been downstairs and told me to give him his phone back and I said no and he turned the tv over (dd (5) was finishing her film) I told him to put it back on as dd needed to go to bed and he said no and told me and dd to fuck off and leave him alone. This week my husband is working nights so won't be home until late and then he'll sleep most of the day and if this is what ds is going to be like I have no clue what I'm going to do

It's not just today either it's him lying about not doing things and swearing at people etc. For example last week he was asking a girl from school for nudes and she said no and he told her to fuck off. The girls mum messaged me and ds lied and said he didn't do anything.

I just don't know what to do anymore!!

has he always been like this? or do you think something is bothering him? can you take some time to sit and have a chat (maybe while watching a film or something) after dd has gone to bed?

You are not wrong to take the phone, IMO, unless he pays for it himself - assume not.

He is behaving really badly.

Asking the girl for nudes is genuinely concerning - what is happening about that?

You need to findout what is going on I think. Does he behave better when your DH is there?

I'm surprised you didn't take his phone when he was trying to coerce a young woman to send nude pictures. That's the issue I'd be concerned about.

being a teen myself i'd just add that in my school at least, asking for and sending nudes were a fairly normal thing, as in almost everyone was doing it. however, as a parent now, i can see that this shouldn't be tolerated, and i'd be angry at my ds for doing it too (if he was a teenager!). i am only saying this for you to keep in mind that your son isn't the only one or a terrible person for asking for them, and it's likely that him and his friends talk about it, and it is normal for his friendship group, so he isn't doing it to manipulate or coerce girls out of spite.

He's always been well behaved apart from occasionally but he's been like this for a few months but he's been getting worse. He used to be well behaved when DH was here but recently he doesn't seem to care and if we try to talk to him he tells us to go away.

DH has tried to speak to him about asking the girl for nudes but he tells him he won't do it again and told DH to leave him alone

I would take a phone away given the business with the girl, as far as I'm concerned that's harassment.

I would be contacting some kind of professional help I think, it seems to me there is something more going on.

Who pays for the phone credit? Is it a contract that you are paying? If so I would just cancel his contract and change the home Wi-Fi password.

How old was the girl he was asking for nudes of? If she is 15 and sent him pics, he could get arrested for possession of child pornography. If DH has already spoken to him about this, I hope this angle was covered. There was a BBC documentary on recently about people being pressured into sending naked pictures of themselves and those pictures then being shared. It discusses pressure, consent and the long term effects it had on those people. It might be worth him watching.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p096h12v/zara-mcdermott-revenge-porn

Why did he still have a phone at all after asking a girl for nudes?

Do you think something has happened at school?