To consider 3rd child now after 8 years?

[Rayathemoon]

We have a DD 10 and DS 8. We had always talked about a 3rd child, however DS has special needs and so the early years were more difficult, then we went through a bad patch in our marriage a few years ago.

For a while now, everything has been fantastic. DC are thriving and our marriage is the best it has been in years. Everything just seems very settled and the right time.

Randomly the other day, a conversation came up about another baby, which took me by surprise as I always assumed that I was off the cards now. However, DH said he was very much open to the idea. Which is not very like him, he usually takes a long time to come to decisions about things.

AIBU to consider a 3rd child with such a big age gap? We had always wanted another but due to circumstances, it just didn't happen for us.

I did it....my older 2 are almost 15 and 12 and we have an 11 month old who's just given me heart failure by climbing on a soft toy box when I sat down to eat my lunch. Its been great, exhausting as I'm older, but the kids dote on their baby brother and help out lots! I wouldn't be without him now, he's that cute I'd have more if hubby would allow it 🤣

I did it, with exactly the age gap you would have if you had a baby now It's been great, the older two adore her. But no SN or marriage problems to consider.

I think IIWY I would be considering if/how ds' needs are likely to change going forward and what the strain in your marriage stemmed from and whether it might happen again under stress.

I think if things are good again I would be reluctant to put myself and my marriage back in to that stressful early years place again. Just enjoy what you have now.

No, I wouldn't. You say you have everything as you want it now. What if anther child put a strain on your marriage? What if your DS has problems with transition to secondary school, that would be when you are very busy with a toddler? What if your DS is currently in a good place because you have time for him but having another child changes all that?

Life is good OP, live in the now not in the what if.

My DB is 8 years younger than me. We have two older brothers as well. I would say we didn’t become close until our 20/30s as he was always at a completely different stage to us. Very close now.

My parents just got on with it but it’s difficult keeping everyone happy with such a big gap.

I personally wouldn't. If everything is going great right now then why not keep it great.

I wouldn't throw myself and my marriage back into the chaos of the baby stage now that things are on an even keel and good, personally. I'd be thanking my lucky stars I made it to the other side reasonably unscathed!

Honestly, why take the risk?

Everything is fine... so roll the dice again?

What is your DC3 has similar or more severe SEN to your DS8?

What if your DS finds the transition to teenager age very difficult?

You've fought so hard to create a great life and marriage? Why not actually enjoy it?