Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Mother's Day rant

50 replies

Tweacle · 15/03/2021 11:54

So, yesterday we celebrated our mum, she and dad live with me, single brother is in our bubble. Brother has a drink problem I believe. Was all fine, eating nice food, brother is I notice tipping gin down his neck rather fast. No issue he's 43 can do what he likes. He's also a massive piss taker, if he can take the piss out of anything he will. My husband is telling dad the shelves in the shed need fixing, brother cracks a joke about being wonky. I reply with Yh bit like you, again joking. He picks his plate up and flings it at me. Calls me a fucking cunt and walks out. I've told mum I don't want him here for a bit, he needs to grow up, stop drinking and say sorry. She's adamant that he doesn't remember so it's ok. Aibu to stick to my guns x

OP posts:

listsandbudgets · 15/03/2021 13:20

Tell me, what would your mother be advising if your best friends husband came for lunch, got very drunk, called you a c*nt and then threw a plate at you?

Call the police (yes throwing plates at people is an assualt). Ban him from the house or just forget about it?

NormanStangerson · 15/03/2021 13:21

Fuck that for a game of tin soldiers. YANBU.

He can piss off and your mother can too, for minimising the outrageous behaviour of her favourite child.

Sparklesocks · 15/03/2021 13:24

Obviously people with a drinking problem need to address it themselves and can’t be pushed into anything, but equally if family and friends carefully tip toe around it and put up with drink induced bad behaviour without challenging it - then they’re not likely to reach that point.

lakespring · 15/03/2021 13:28

I can't imagine that even on Mumsnet you are going to find people who think that you should accept having plates thrown at you while being called a cunt by a drunken brother in your own house.

Of course you need to set some boundaries.
It doesn't matter if your brother remembers or not he still needs to be apologizing a lot for his behavior.

I wouldn't have him in the house until he had addressed his alcohol and anger issues.

Juno231 · 15/03/2021 13:32

What your mum is saying is that she thinks his feelings and wellbeing is more important than yours. Cut him out until he apologises and don't pander to your mum's excuses.

You need healthy boundaries and this is the time to start enforcing them.

Notaroadrunner · 15/03/2021 13:34

I'd suggest to your parents to go and live with him. Wonder how long she'd last if she had to put up with him 24/7. There's no way he'd set foot in my house again until he genuinely apologised. And even then there's no way he'd be allowed alcohol in my house.

TatianaBis · 15/03/2021 13:37

I wouldn't take it personally.

But you do need to be firm with your mum. If she wants to enable him that's up to her, but she can't involve you.

Lacucuracha · 15/03/2021 13:37

Why are DPs living with you, OP?

PuggyMum · 15/03/2021 13:51

What does your DH say?

Mine would be apoplectic and would be telling my mother in no uncertain terms that DB is no longer welcome.

1forAll74 · 15/03/2021 13:52

He would not be welcome in my house with that kind of awful behaviour. Alcoholics or heavy drinkers, have no filter for their bad behaviour,,especially when someone comments,or even jokes about their drinking. Under the influence,they are capable of saying ,and doing the most awful things.

I used to live with a serious alcoholic, now dead with wrecking his mind and body with booze, and I remember what he was capable of saying,and doing, due to his vast intake of gin and vodka etc.

lakespring · 15/03/2021 13:57

What does your DH say?

My DH would also be making it clear that my DB wasn't welcome in house with this behavior.

Lacucuracha · 15/03/2021 13:59

I wouldn't take it personally.

How can she not take it personally? He threw a plate at her and swore at her.

Original poster

Tweacle · 15/03/2021 13:59

@PuggyMum

What does your DH say?

Mine would be apoplectic and would be telling my mother in no uncertain terms that DB is no longer welcome.

He has gone mad, he literally told him don't come back. I know the drinking problem makes it harder but I can't get past what he's done. Mums story is now that she can't take sides, dh told her actually yes you can and should.

OP posts:

MayDayFightsBack · 15/03/2021 14:00

@Lacucuracha

Why are DPs living with you, OP?

This.

AdaFuckingShelby · 15/03/2021 14:04

She has taken his side by defending him. He threw a plate at you and called you a count. That is most definitely not ok, pissed or sober. Stand your ground. This is misogyny on you brother and your mother's part. Unacceptable.

TimeToParty · 15/03/2021 14:06

@AdaFuckingShelby

Exactly this.

Her not saying anything is picking a side. His side.

LifeExperience · 15/03/2021 14:10

Your mum is unreasonable and an enabler. I would never be in the same room with him again when he's drinking, and he would never be invited to my home again. You need to establish clear boundaries and stick to them. I so glad your husband is backing you up.

Kimye4eva · 15/03/2021 14:34

And there was me expecting the usual I didn’t get any flowers rant!

His behaviour was not OK. Sounds like your Mum is in denial that he has a problem.

Stick to your guns. He could really hurt you or someone else next time.

ilovebagpuss · 15/03/2021 14:42

you are DNBU.
Thing is if no one ever causes him to think about his actions he will just carry on.
Tell you DM what if he runs over a child next drunk driving or assaults another person who isn’t as forgiving?
He can have a long time in prison to “remember” his actions.
Imagine if he did that at anyone else’s house. There is no way I would be having him back at mine unless he sought help, and there would be a no drink rule either way.
If other than this you love your DB then It’s for his own good to shock him that his behaviour has hit the wall. It’s domestic violence.

mbosnz · 15/03/2021 14:43

Your house, your rules.

He's not welcome in your house. He is dangerously out of control and abusive, you're not prepared to facilitate it or accept it. If she doesn't like that, she and her husband can find alternative living arrangements. She can go to his, she can meet him outside the house.

Original poster

Tweacle · 15/03/2021 14:45

@Lacucuracha

Why are DPs living with you, OP?

Have done for years, it's the easiest thing as dad was pretty ill. It's usually lovely, this is out the blue

OP posts:

forrestgreen · 15/03/2021 14:46

She doesn't have to agree with you, you can still set boundaries 8n your house

Mamamamasaurus · 15/03/2021 14:51

I assume the house is yours - as in they live in your house and not that you live in theirs?

Bollocks to that OP if the former is the case. Your mum can go and see him - he would be kept well away from me if I were you. Drinking to excess is HIS issue and your mother is making excuses for him. And taking sides.

harknesswitch · 15/03/2021 14:59

So he threw a plate at your head and your mum said he didn't mean it? I'm not sore I follow her logic.

As for your db, yanbu at all. I'd struggle to have him back in the house even if he did apologise and agree not to drink when in your house

Feedingthebirds1 · 15/03/2021 19:01

The other thing is that your DH doesn't want him there again, and you owe him some loyalty to say no too.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread