Mother's Day Gifts

[juneflowers]

My DH used to be a lovely gift giver, now I'm lucky if I get anything. My 29th bday went without so much as a happy birthday and a huge bust up. My 30th, I got a quick run round Asda the night before and then was presented with a bottle of whiskey and four cans of energy drink from my then 4 year old...I got nothing last Mother's Day and tried desperately not to cry while my DD daughter asked why I was writing cards out to her Nana. It made her very upset when she found out but I managed to placate with 'you're the best present ever' (which she is) and she proceeded to draw me a picture as card, which is still proudly displayed on our fridge.

But this year, her teacher got the class to decorate plant pots, pot little flowers in them and decorate a beautiful card with their handprints on. Honestly, it's small but such a lovely thing and honestly meant the world to me. But I can't keep shaking this horrible feeling that if her teacher hadn't of done such a lovely thing with my DD's class, then it's likely I'd of got nothing. Again.

Why is this bothering me?

It didn't happen, I recieved beautiful little gifts from my DD and I've promised to take very good care of the little plant.

So why am I still bothered?

Dh and I have been together 13 years...and it's like he just stopped caring you know? It's sad. I made such an effort for his 40th, we had a party (this was before lockdown of course) and I got a specially made cake. The day before we went out for a family day. I dedicated the whole weekend to him really...and I just got a bottle of whiskey. I feel I only got that because I made such a fuss over not even getting a single card from him or our DD on my 29th.

Am I being selfish and putting too much stay into a single day?

But you did get something. Maybe focus on how important that gift is.

Does one day have to mean everything ?

Why does it induce a horrible feeling? Is it indicator of the rest of your relationship?

Also 29th birthdays aren't really a thing. Maybe he's waiting to make a fuss on your 30th!?

Have you told him that thoughtful gifts mean something to you and asked why he stopped bothering and still expects you to make an effort for him?

I'm confused -was it your 30th or 29th? You say both in your OP

@LavenderDiamond

Also 29th birthdays aren't really a thing. Maybe he's waiting to make a fuss on your 30th!?

For her 29th she got nothing, not even a wish of Happy Birthday. For her 30th she got a bottle of whisky from Asda.

I do sympathise with you OP. Only experience, men are generally concerned about the 'gift' thing.

When our DC were small, I actually prompted DH about mother's Day, his response was that I am not his mother! I was furious, and suggested as our DC had no money of their own, he should give them some cash and pop them on the bus to the shops to buy something for me, they were about 2 and 3 months at the time, I think the penny dropped then. Until they were old enough to sort things out themselves, he relised he needed to step up. BUT, he has never been concerned about receiving anything for father's Day.
Your DD made you a lovely present, please enjoy that, possibly point out to your DH that it doesn't have to be big or expensive, just thoughtful.

*not concerned

@LavenderDiamond OP already had her 30th birthday, she got a bottle of whiskey and some energy drinks.

Oh right.

Why do people bother answering all high and mighty when they haven't even read the OP. Waste of everyone's time!

OP DH really needs to raise the bar. Not on!

You’re not alone. I feel the same. I don’t think I’m being selfish for wanting a bit of a fuss made of me on one day so I don’t think you’re being selfish either! For me I think it’s that I feel like I’ve become part of the furniture and there is never any effort made to make me feel special like there used to be in the early days. Often at Christmas/birthdays I get the ‘I was going to get you [insert present I would have loved] but I didn’t get round to it.’ I think the pandemic has made it worse as there is no opportunity for couple times you know.

It’s not just about this day though is it, it’s a general lack of thought and effort into gift things. Have you spoke to him about this? I would guess you have based on the bust up on your 29th.
Does he show you he cares and values you in other ways?

Why haven't you asked him? What's the point in wallowing in self pity and not doing anything about it? You should have told him it was unacceptable, rude and ungrateful last year and set out your expectations for this year?

My EXH didn't really do birthdays or Christmas. It was very strange. He absolutely didn't buy in to Mother's Day or Valentine's Day saying it was all commercial hype to line someone else's pocket.

So when I eventually managed to have my much longed for children, Mother's Day was really significant. But he would go one step further than not helping the children get me a gift, he would actively discourage it.

I remember once we were at an animal park the week before Mother's Day and my then 5 year old saw a pink sparkly thing in the shop on the way out. He wanted to buy it for me so I put it on the counter with the children's purchases.
My EXH was furious but it went through. My son wrapped it up for me and gave it. I still have it hanging up. It was the most precious gift.

What I'm getting to is, despite your husband, your children will one day take matters into their own hands.

Yesterday my eldest (now adult) son bought me lovely gifts and a beautiful card. Then cooked me a super dinner and washed up.

Also 29th birthdays are still birthdays and a present and card are standard for a birthday from your DH

He sounds very thoughtless
Have you spoken to him about how his complete lack of effort makes you feel? I don’t buy the idea that some people just aren’t good at presents, how hard is it to buy a bunch of flowers and a card for Mother’s Day? He knows you would like it but decided not to bother.

Of course 29th birthdays are a "thing". Every birthday is a thing.