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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU asking a 9 year old to make their own breakfast?

20 replies

DawnR96 · 15/03/2021 07:46

I have a daughter who is 9 next week. Literally asking her to do anything is always a massive issue. I have told her she is responsible for making her own breakfast (cereal) before school, just to give me a hand as I have to get my other two ready for school too but I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Bonnieonthelam · 15/03/2021 07:51

She can do that. But start off with baby steps. Watch her for the first week. Then let her get on with it. And don’t sweat small mistakes.

Honeybobbin · 15/03/2021 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuddleMoo · 15/03/2021 07:54

Personally I'd start by getting the stuff out and putting it on the table if it's cereal. Then build up from there. YANBU but it might take a bit of time.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/03/2021 07:55

She gets on and does it or she has to skip breakfast. Her choice. Children much younger would be able to cope with that.

ExplodingCarrots · 15/03/2021 08:03

Yanbu. My Dd has been making breakfast consistently since 6. She could do her cereal from 5. She's 7 now and even makes me breakfast sometimes .

Elieza · 15/03/2021 08:11

This might not be about food at all? Have you had a chance to have a chat alone just the two of you instead of cracking up because you have no time for such chat in the morning?

I wonder if she’s feeling left out because you are too busy with the others and as the eldest she’s getting little attention from you? She doesn’t want to grow up any more and lose the little time she has?

If she has to make her own breakfast it’s yet another thing the others get done for them but she doesn’t and ‘it’s not fair’?

Perhaps for a few days you could do it together - her doing whatever and you overseeing it completely (while you do doing nothing else)

Yes it will take way longer but she’ll feel like you are doing it together and she will get lots of praise and told how well she’s doing good job etc.

And then you can take a step back and supervise while doing other things. Giving lots of praise, good job, really helping mum, big girl, well done etc stuff. While you crack on with the others.

Yes it will take longer for a few days but the returns could be worth it.

And if that’s the case about time perhaps you could think about what you can do so she feels more included.

And if it’s not that and she gets lots of you-plus-her alone time together after school I apologise. It could just be lockdown stress.

InvincibleInvisibility · 15/03/2021 08:15

My 9 year old makes his breakfast on the 3 days he doesn't have school because I try to let him sleep as long as possible (the school day and homework is such that he can't go to sleep until 8.30pm at the earliest).

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/03/2021 08:15

I think at almost 9 she needs to understand she needs to take on more responsibility and independence, but in my experience of working with this age group it can be a battle. That’s why if she’s resistant then sometimes a consequence situation will work- ie, you were asked to pack your own PE kit- you forgot your leggings so now you don’t have them (after being supervised doing it once or twice obviously)
You didn’t make your own breakfast- now you’re hungry.

It does them no favours to just keep doing things for them in case they kick off at you or get it wrong.

partyatthepalace · 15/03/2021 08:17

@MuddleMoo

Personally I'd start by getting the stuff out and putting it on the table if it's cereal. Then build up from there. YANBU but it might take a bit of time.

This. She’s quite old enough, but if you do it in stages it’s more likely to happen.

tentimesaday · 15/03/2021 08:18

My children got their own cereal breakfast from age of 5 and put the cereal and milk away afterwards. YANBU.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/03/2021 08:19

To add, the 8 almost 9 year old I currently nanny for, I wrote her a guide as to what she has to do to get ready in the mornings, with rough timings, the same for the six year old. she can refer to it anytime. I have a list by the door where her bag is with everything that should be going to school with her- water bottle, reading book etc etc, so she can check it herself before she leaves. If she still forgets when it’s written down for her or she deliberately can’t be bothered to run upstairs and add anything that’s missing, that’s on her.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/03/2021 08:20

My parents never made me do things at this age and I grew into a fucking useless adult so I'd do it. People just just suddenly flip a switch at 18 and start functioning like adults, it has to build up.

Sleepingdogs12 · 15/03/2021 08:22

This isn't making breakfast (cooking) this is putting cereal in a bowl. Yes at 9 she should do this. However it depends on if it is important to you that she eats before school as to how you do this. I used to always get out bowls, spoons,cereal ,milk , juice and set it out as a meal. It was automatic for them to come down, sit and eat because it was there ready. I don't think I actually poured it in for them after the age of 5, I was around the kitchen and supervised or also ate.

autumnboys · 15/03/2021 08:23

I have three kids, the youngest of who has SEN. The question I ask myself about things I’d ‘do I want to be doing this for him in five years time’ and if the answer is no, the. I have to start considering the steps towards making him independent. As a PP said, don’t sweat the small mistakes, praise the achievements. Maybe start in the Easter holidays to take the pressure off time wise. You’ll get loads of people telling you that their 2.5yo gets their own breakfast, but you’re starting from here, with a 9yo and that’s okay. Good luck.

Oh - I found buying a cereal scoop helpful, as he couldn’t eyeball a portion size very well and we were ending up with a lot of waste.

DianaT1969 · 15/03/2021 08:27

In our family, a 6 and 4 year old were getting up together, going downstairs to switch on the TV for cartoons, get their school bag together and make breakfast (cereal). I think it helped that they lived on a farm and were made to feel empowered and useful from birth. Their mum was upstairs getting showered and they were dressed and ready in 40 mins on their own. It also helped that they loved school, so we're enthusiastic about going.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/03/2021 08:30

I never understand how this happens. 4 and 5 year olds love independence and are often really keen to do this stuff, isnt the whole point that you start letting them do things then and by the time they are a bit older and it's not a novelty being independent, they are so in the habit there's no battle?

DS is 4 and 2 months and makes his own peanut butter sandwich. He says I don't do it right .

JimmyJimmyJim · 15/03/2021 08:35

Yes she should make her own breakfast. Cereal is one of the easiest things to make, it isn't like you are asking her to make croissants from scratch.

At first maybe put the bowl, spoon and cereal out the night before so it is waiting for her. Then she can start getting it all out.

Children are a lot more capable than we give them credit for, they are sometimes just very lazy

EwwSprouts · 15/03/2021 08:38

It depends on if you then disappear upstairs to get the other two ready and she feels excluded. Agree with PP who says start in the Easter holidays so it can be a less pressured change of routine.

ginsparkles · 15/03/2021 09:30

My DD8 makes her own breakfast. She often does mine for me too whilst I get other things ready.

I would also start by putting stuff out for her, and then go from there.

hansgrueber · 15/03/2021 12:54

@MuddleMoo

Personally I'd start by getting the stuff out and putting it on the table if it's cereal. Then build up from there. YANBU but it might take a bit of time.

When grandchildren stayed I used to get the dishes down the evening before, put them and cutlery on the table with the boxes of cereal as they're in a high cupboard. I put some milk into a plastic beaker in the fridge so they didn't have to man-handle a bit milk container. As they knew how to operate the TV remote I had a lie-in!

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