I’m no more wise to how to improve life than the next person, and as a childless single, some things are going to be very different for you and I - however I didn’t want to read and run because I’ve been you, and in some ways still am.
2 years ago I was miserable at work. It was largely the people, my colleagues were awful and I only now realise the true extent that from some it was bullying. The job itself wasn’t terrible but it could be a long slog and the long term prospects were dim. I was panicking every morning. I was really struggling.
Now obviously we were not in a pandemic. This makes things a notch harder. But the best thing you can do with regards to work is to job hunt, whilst performing your duties and keeping your head down. Do you mind me asking what you do?
Hunt for jobs that you will actually want and like. I made a conscious decision that I was looking for a long term work place, not just a job to hop into to tide me over. We spend so much of our life at work. It can never be happy 100% of the time or totally stress free, but it makes such a difference to find the right place. Old colleagues and friends who have seen me say that I had a bounce to my step, my skin was brighter and elements of “old me” were reappearing when I had settled somewhere new.
Consider what you need to live off. Spare is always great - but for my sanity I took a manageable drop in pay in order to leave and it’s paid off in that I’ve moved up the ranks and am now doing better.
Now - that has improved. But I can really relate to not liking how you look. I have also battled with my weight, and am over.
I have issues in my appearance that can’t be changed. Scars and a couple of other things. I totally feel you. I have to work with what I have. Some days I can accept it and some days I can’t and I think in all honesty that’s why I’m single, because I never believe that anyone could possibly be attracted to me. So far sadly it seems I’m right.
What I have learnt though is that I just have to look after myself. The way I feel good about myself is to “forget” what I’m “meant” to do - so I don’t give a monkeys ass about fashion anymore. I wear what I like. I wear what suits me and what’s comfy. I keep things simple - simple make up, simple hair. I make sure I can treat “me” every now and again. I don’t force myself to be what society expects. Life’s too short. Easier said than done I realise and I certainly don’t have it sorted.
Food is my friend. I’m working on conquering the weight with daily exercise and plan to return to Slimming World - my group was very supportive and I suggest you join or something similar (@mumsnetHQ if I can’t mention the group name please take it out for me). Lots of people in the same boat. Do you have the means to get out each day for a little bit? A walk, a run, something like that each day, headphones in really helps with my general mental well being and keeps me active and burning weight. Also filled the house with fruit and veg that can be eaten raw to graze on when I’m peckish instead of biscuits.
I feel like you need some help. Please reach out to your doctor or a friend or someone - don’t let all this burn up inside you.