Swallow my pride?

[LadyOfLittleLeisure]

Pandemic has been incredibly rough on DH, myself and 2 autistic DC (very high needs). We are planning for DH to take some unpaid parental leave in summer (when Covid restrictions ease) but will have to save up as we are on low(ish) income (also need to save annual leave and not blow it too early like we had to last year).

We are hoping to get some much needed respite by visiting family so we can share the DC's care needs a bit. Can't stay at my parents' for various reasons. I fell out with DH's family (which had been 10 years coming) last year and now I am wondering whether to swallow my pride and ask them to help us out by letting us stay for a week. The pros would be in laws would be genuinely delighted we came, DH hasn't seen his dad (except for briefly at a funeral) for 2 years (their choice that one), and I might be able to get small amounts of rest. Cons - I am still really hurt by the fall out and the help they provide is normally, well I don't know how to put this, not as helpful as it could be, but something is better than nothing.

WWYD?

Could you rent an air bnb near your parents?? Or is that too expensive?

It’s just staying in a house with people you don’t get on with sounds very stressful,

I wouldn’t

@partyatthepalace

Could you rent an air bnb near your parents?? Or is that too expensive?

It’s just staying in a house with people you don’t get on with sounds very stressful,

@partyatthepalace that actually sounds like a great idea, I hadn't thought of that! Thanks :)

@Cuppaza I know you're right. Tbh it would probably be a catalyst for more arguments

No I wouldn't.
It sounds like you have put up with so much and it wouldn't be a mental rest if you felt you were swallowing your emotions.

I hope things get easier for you soon.

@billy1966 thanks that means a lot :)

@LadyOfLittleLeisure sorry I have such a blunt answer! I also have a very high needs child and I can just imagine it being a nightmare

*gave

I think the stress of going would far outweigh any time you get as a tiny break.

Are there respite carer facilities you could use near home and the have days out instead both you as dh as a couple or as a family.

@Cuppaza I don't mind blunt It never was very restful when we visited in the past ! Also, as you'll know yourself having a high needs child, visiting other people's homes can be hugely stressful. They never really got this and always thought it was easy for me to take the kids to them. This was one of my issues.

@Orchidflower1 they do get some playscheme respite days but they are so few and far between. We're having our first disability social care assessment soon so I'm really, really hoping they allow us some more respite days.

I hope that your assembly gives the days you really need.

Is there a charity that could help with further respite care?

I think going from zero contact to staying in the home of your in-laws would be far too much too soon. Do you have any contact with them at all?

Could your dh take the DC to visit his dps overnight and you stay home by yourself and get a break, meet a friend . Maybe you could do the same for him then

@Orchidflower1

I hope that your assembly gives the days you really need.

Is there a charity that could help with further respite care?

I think going from zero contact to staying in the home of your in-laws would be far too much too soon. Do you have any contact with them at all?

@Orchidflower1 I don't know about a charity - I'll look into it.

I have no contact with them, no. DH has regular contact with them and they video call him to see the DC so that's all good. Part of the fall out last year was about me being expected to organise and facilitate all contact and manage the DC's needs while they all played happy families and I felt like the breeding cow/nursery nurse. So I resolved to finally stop doing all that.