To expect parents to apologise if their child causes an accident

[nonevernotever]

Disclaimer: not involved in this in any way. I was in the park with my elderly mum today and we sat down while she got her energy back to walk home. There were a couple of women there with 6 children between them running around, climbing trees etc. No problem with any of that. However one of the children climbed a 12 foot wall, stood on top, pulled off a loose brick and threw it onto the path just a few feet from us. One of the women saw all this, ordered a second child not to climb up, but said nothing to the first. Even that isn't my aibu, but just given to add context. She started to walk back to her friend with three of the children. One either side and a third on a skateboard next to her. A woman overtook them (socially distanced etc) and as soon as she was past, the child on the skateboard sat down facing a way from her and propelled themself backwards into the back of her legs. She staggered back, just managed not to actually fall but was limping. Not only did the child say absolutely nothing but neither adult with them made any attempt to apologise. (as confirmed with woman who was hit - we were the only ones to check she was OK - though bruised and shaken). Aibu to be horrified?? (nb my mum is 85,had a stroke last autumn and is pretty frail which may be colouring my reaction. The park is across from her house so the safest place for her to walk to and from, but I don't think she would have been able to stay on her feet if this child had cannoned into her)

That's appalling.

YANBU. Selfish people letting their children run amok destroying property and injuring people.

No, I’d expect the parents to give their little tyrant a severe ticking off and get THEM to apologise.

Yanbu but there was a thread here recently where a child knocked into a woman in the supermarket and she was scolded by posters for not checking on the child. So apparently people think differently.

I would have apologised if that was my child, I'd expect someone else to do the same to be honest, so no I think you are absolutely right OP, its a shame some people don't seem to care about this sort of thing.

I’d have gone over and given that woman shit for it

Useless parents , feral children . I'd have been tempted to throw the brick back at the child and launch the skateboard at the brat child.

(The woman with the child I mean!)

I agree. I remember being at a baby group (pre covid of course) and someone had brought their toddler- only specifying because of the size/comprehension difference. Anyway, said toddler picked up one of the instruments and started hitting DS on the head with it pretty hard. I obviously moved him away, and then the parent had the nerve to have a go at me for making her child cry (when I took DS away, I didn't shout or anything, simply picked him up and sat elsewhere). I don't blame the child, they are young, but the attitude was disgusting. I didn't expect flowers and an apology, but to be shouted at I thought keep an eye on your child (she was watching and laughing).

The next generation of rude, entitled, mannerless wankers is born. Horrible.

I expect it’s the Torys fault it usually is.

How nasty

Not a child but last year a was running around a lake and tried to avoid a massive group of people walking together and not making way for me. They had dogs, as I moved one of the dogs came towards me, I couldn't stop and I stood on it and fell. Hurt myself, cut legs and hands and no one said a word. I was obviously shaken and I was asking if their dog was ok because I'd stood on it and they just looked at me and carried on walking! I was so angry!
Some people are massive dicks and if my dog or children hurt someone accidentally or not I would be apologising and talking to my child!

Yes, she should have apologised and made the kid apologise too. I think this is a pretty unusual level of crap parenting though so I wouldn’t fret too much about your mum.

That's rubbish parenting, I'd have stopped my child's behaviour and apologised. I think it's awful someone wouldn't apologise in that situation.

Obviously YANBU.

But “bruised and shaken” from a skateboard rolling into the back of her legs? Really? How fast was he going??

However I accept that’s not the point. Some parents are really shite.

Yeah, I would have apologised as well but I think it’s important to make children apologise too in that situation if they’re old enough to comprehend.

I nanny for a spectacularly clumsy 8 year old who has very little self awareness (yes completely NT, no learning difficulties) and I’m forever apologising and getting her to apologise for rubbing into people, rubbing in a door as a person is coming out, general blundering around, she doesn’t set out to behave this way but seems oblivious to those around her. I would never not pull her up on it, because it’s rude and I’ll-mannered. Her mum however....eyes down, pretends nothing untoward has taken place, I remember accompanying them to the airport ones and the girl blundered into someone carrying a tiny baby, they very nearly tripped up and dropped it. I was mortified. The mum breezed by like nothing had happened. This is because she has a weird belief that it’s embarrassing to tell children off in public

*RUNNING not rubbing ffs.

I would expect the parent to apologise. Some children need different handling so I wouldn't expect the child to be dealt with in a particular way but I would expect the parent to act on what has happened to try to stop it happening again including closer supervision of child that acts in unsafe ways.

YANBU.

I would be horrified too. If my child did something like that, I would certainly apologise and make sure the person was ok. I have apologised when one of my children has done much less (eg unthinkingly walked across someone's path).

But, think of it this way, although you are rightly annoyed, you were the one caring enough to check on the woman and make sure she was ok. So altruism and consideration are alive and kicking. You can't make people care when they don't - your act of kindness is what is important here.

I would not only apologise and get my 3yo to apologise but actually I would be mortified that the accident happened in the first place. Children need to learn to be careful of others and, until they do, parents need to monitor closely. I'm forever saying to my DS, "Watch where you're going, we don't run into other people" or (at the playground) "We are careful around the little ones". It's been a long, annoying process but finally it's starting to have some effect and I'm no longer having to constantly pull him out of the way. When children are on bikes and skateboards, parents need to be extra-careful.

But then (and I'm sounding around 90 now!) children nowadays don't seem to be taught to be considerate in the same way that children used to be. I'm not saying children used to be naturally considerate or anything like that, more that there was much less tolerance. I distinctly remember my mother hissing at us, "Why are you standing there like lemons? Move!" when we inconvenienced some passing adult by blocking the pavement. I dread to think what her reaction would have been if we had driven a skateboard into them .

No, YANBU. That's terrible.