Telling potential school about issues with a member of staff

[Floralshoes]

My DD is in year 8, we are looking to change schools to a local independent.
DD has SEN. In year 6 a classmate she had been really good friends with turned really nasty and bullied DD making year 6 a really miserable experience. When questioned (by the other students) why the girl was being so nasty she said her mum had told her too. The primary schools impression was that the other parent didn’t want her DD to ‘carry’ mine through secondary as they got allocated the same school - I would have asked them to be separated anyway as they both needed new friends.

DD was well aware that the childs mother was as much of a bully as her DD. The issue we have is that the mother is a 1-1 TA in the school we are considering, seeing her will increase DDs anxiety. Though she works in a different year group their paths will cross especially as DD will also have 1-1 and will be using the SEN base.

Can I even mention this to the potential school without sounding vindictive?

YABU - DD needs to learn resilience and put the past behind her. Or look for another school.

YANBU - Discuss it with the school in order to find a way forward.

Oh gosh what an awful experience. I personally would go for another school I think. Sorry your DD went through such a horrible thing.

I would speak to the school as I wouldn't want someone like that working with my dc (and he wasn't her victim). That said I'd probably try and find another school as I couldn't allow my dc to be further victimised by her nor should your dd have to be in a class with an adult who bullied her that could be very difficult for your dd

I think I would also look for another school.

I'm a bit unsure what you would say to the school - her DD said her mum told her to - do you have evidence that she told her child to bully yours?

I'd consider another school for sure but also I wouldn;t have told my daughter all the details - I'd just have said that she should find new mates and that this girls was a bully

I'd be considering if this is really the right school for your child

The school would do absolutely nothing about this if it's your word against hers.

Are you sure you have this right though? Did the Mum perhaps advise the child to try to distant themselves so they weren't paired up for secondary and that child misinterpreted it?

I think I'd send my child still, not sat anything and see if they cross paths and if there are any issues, then I would bring it up

Was it just the child saying it was her mum, or was it admitted by the mum?

I don't think you should say anything to her employer unless you are completely clear on what actually happened.

I’d chose a different school, if she’s a liked member of staff your words will hold little value

the girl was being so nasty she said her mum had told her too. The primary schools impression was that the other parent didn’t want her DD to ‘carry’ mine through secondary

So you want to approach this womans employer based on hear say and assumptions? No. I am sorry your DD was bullied, and I am sorry that seemingly the primary school didn't address it, and instead just made assumptions about the mother and shifted the responsibility and blame. If you think it would be detrimental to your DD to attend this school, you should find another one or find ways of talking to DD about coping mechanisms. If she is a 1-1 TA it's unlikely she will see her much to be honest.

Honestly I couldn't not say something. Either you say nothing and somehow she upsets your DD again and when you tell the school it's a pattern of upsetting behaviour continued from the past, they will ask you why you didn't tell them before. Or you say something and the school is able to be aware and take preventative rather than reactive action.

My preference would always be to prevent harm than ameliorate it.

I think I would look at another school. As PP said "The school would do absolutely nothing about this if it's your word against hers."

A place of work would most likely support their employee.

Thanks for giving me a bit of perspective.

The girl told others in the class her mum told her to be nasty to DD, that’s hearsay and I have no proof. The girl was actually suspended for one day for bullying DD and that finally knocked it on the head but as she’s the issue here the mother is it’s not really relevant.

DD has an EHCP and the LEA have offered to consult with the school. Thankfully they gave me a bit of time to think about it. I spoke to a friend who’s DD is there and she told me that the unpleasant mother started work there in January. Will probably have to speak my LEA about it before they start the consulting process, finding out she works there has put a real spanner in the works!

Meant as she’s not* the issue here the mother is