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Moving on from bullying at work

6 replies

Dragisnotacontactsport · 14/03/2021 10:48

It's abroad, and a job I recently left.
I worked and lived for 10 months with a girl who appeared to have mental health issues, let's call her Sarah.
She was black and said she had experienced racism before.
The school provided accommodation which was a shared apartment, and there were other colleagues in 2 other apartments.
My colleague was of an African origin, but had grown up in Wales and lived there all her life.
We were all at a newcomers' event one night and I heard a person saying they were from Wales. I pointed at my colleague and said, "my colleague's Welsh too!".
She told me 10 months later that I had been racist in referring to her as Welsh and not her originating country, and also discriminatory by pointing at her.

I admit the pointing had been rude of me but I had meant no ill intention whatsoever and did not believe she would be offended to be referred to as Welsh.

Anyway this was towards the end of the job. She would refuse to have myself or any other colleagues on Facebook and didn't want to socialise with us, which was a shame but we respected it. There were 1-2 occasions where we did socialise with her which was nice though.
Other times, we would be in a supermarket together and as I was paying she would already have walked home, she wouldn't wait.

About 7 months in I had a week off for a holiday. I came back and things seemed good, she seemed happy to see me again. Then, she told me she had something to tell me. She said that her and the others had all been offered an extended contract whilst I was away, but not me. I believed her as I didn't have reason not to. She consoled me, saying she found it really harsh.
I was pretty upset, I had requested to stay on and didn't understand why they would single me out. However upon speaking to another colleague, she said that nothing of the sort had happened, and that she herself hadn't been offered any contract. I also asked a supervisor who confirmed this hadn't happened.

My colleague/housemate could be quite overbearing sometimes. I am fairly quiet and introverted and if we were meeting new people she would speak over me and say "She's very shy!". Also, she would decide that my face looked a certain way and launch into long speeches of "She knows exactly how it feels" to be abroad, without me saying anything.

I kindly had a word with her and told her that I found some things a bit unnecessary sometimes and she seemed to be ok and understanding.

About a month later, i was offered an extended contract by the school which I was really happy about. I didn't tell my housemate, but someone else must have. That evening, she told me that they had had some sort of vote at the school and that 2 out of 3 senior teachers had told me they didn't want me to stay on. Apparently the senior teacher who did want me to stay had relayed this information to my housemate. once again, this was proven to be a lie.

Things seemed to improve until the last month of the job. I walked into work one morning and it was like the wind had changed. For no reason whatsoever, she was scowling and glaring at me. I tried to lighten the mood and make conversation and she told me to 'stop asking stupid questions'. Rude and snappy all day and so I told her I wasn't going to tolerate it.

I ignored her and stayed away. One day, she was telling us all that she wouldn't be in the next day but wouldn't say why. She had had a few days off and I think the staff were starting to get annoyed.

I was told that the next day I would work with X colleague as a result. In passing, I mentioned to X colleague that I was looking forward to working with her tomorrow. She said, oh, is Sarah off again? I said yeah, I think so but don't know what for.
I should not have said this, as X went over to Sarah and asked why she was off again. Sarah came in screaming and shrieking at me demanding to know why I had told X that she would be off. I said that X would clearly see for herself that you would be off tomorrow and that you have told some other colleagues already. She then launched into a tirade about me and how nobody likes me, I latch onto people etc. She was swearing and shouting in front of our students.
I reported it to the school who had a word with her.
Anyway, this behaviour continued for a bit. If I were tending to a crying child she would literally come and drag the child away from me, stuff like that.
She would make bizarre comments about how I lacked stability in my life because I wasn't married with kids at 27 (?!). I think she came from a culture where it was more of an expectation.
I recorded everything and knew there were only 3 weeks to bear then it would be over.
One day, she told me she didn't think I was good at this job as I wasn't strict enough with the kids.
Anyway, it was getting too much so I reported her again. They told me she wouldn't be receiving a reference as a result.
She caught wind of being reported and came for me back at the flat. Shrieking like a banshee, banging her fist on the table and I actually recorded her on my phone screaming and swearing. I sent it to the school.
She also came into my room when I told her not to and carried on screaming that I was a horrible person, I was a joke, everyone laughed at me and I couldn't do the job.
I told her that if she ever did that again I would call the police.
She then sent a long essay of 'mistakes' I had made at work that she apparently had to rectify.
I immediately phoned the school and they gave me a lock for my door and said we had to sort things out between us.
The very last day, she approached me tearfully and apologised for everything, saying that the staff had all been racist even though I saw nothing of the sort. She gave me a gift and was really nice for the last day, but I knew I would never see her again luckily.

The school staff called her a nutcase to me behind her back. I'm not sure I believe the reference thing, I had recurrent nightmares after leaving.

I guess I don't know what else the school could have done. I'm annoyed that I was dragged into this childish behaviour and it probably made me look bad too, even though I remained professional and never insulted her or did anything back.

Just wondering how to move on from it all, and how to deal with this in the future. Sorry it was so long.

OP posts:
Dragisnotacontactsport · 14/03/2021 10:51

She would make comments that suggested paranoia such as "We are constantly being watched by the school".

OP posts:
Dragisnotacontactsport · 14/03/2021 11:48

Anyone please?

OP posts:
Dyrne · 14/03/2021 13:08

It sounds like an unpleasant experience. Can you take some learning points away from it?

  • Don’t automatically take things people say to you at face value, particularly where it relates to contractual information that should be between you and your employer.
  • learn to escalate issues to your employer sooner
  • you don’t have to be best friends with your colleagues. A good working relationship is important but it’s completely normal to not want to be on Facebook with them and socialise all the time.
  • Don’t dismiss someone’s experience of racism because “you didn’t see it”. Someone being an unpleasant person doesn’t mean they also can’t experience racism.
Crimeismymiddlename · 14/03/2021 19:58

I had to work with a women like this, she was insane and of course took a dislike to me. Every problem she had at work, and there were a lot as she was lazy and only wanted to chat to the customers was due to my ‘mistreatment’ of her, then would come the presents and apologies and the cycle would start again. I really took it to heart for the first year, the people who could have done something ignored it as she was nice as pie to them. Finally a decent manager came in and got rid of her for gross misconduct-and by that point I had stopped caring, though it was not until she put a complaint in that I was bullying her and the investigator could not keep a straight face as her accusations were so ludicrous that I realised that it was her-not me. It will take you a while, and then you will realise it was all her-probably because she was not given a new contract.

Quirrelsotherface · 14/03/2021 20:10

Reading that, you both sound extremely complicated people!

user1494055864 · 14/03/2021 20:18

It sounds like you handled it really well !!

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