To want to spend Mother’s Day just with my toddler Dd

[Bingneedstochill]

Dp and I not really getting on a lot of the time, awkward environment and walking on eggshells-both of us really.
I’ve organised an afternoon tea picnic for tomorrow and would really just love to take my Dd with me and enjoy a few relaxed hours just me and her somewhere grassy.
I know that Dp will likely be surprised/upset/pissed off

Aibu to just want to spend a nice few hours with my girl by myself on Mother’s Day?

Is DP your DDs dad?

If not then I wouldn't expect him to be surprised at all.

If he is her dad he might feel a bit put out but hopefully will understand if you just want to take DD for some special girly time together.

I'm sure he'll be able to cope with you both out of the house for a couple of hours

@Warrickdaviesasplates Yes, he’s her dad, that’s the thing, I’m sure he’d want to come and probably won’t get why we’re not doing it together as a family as we all go out usually.

I think that's a pretty clear message to send tbh so if you aren't ready to have the conversation about what comes next then I wouldn't - but maybe it's time?

Are you expecting him to help her get you a card and present? If yes then I think yabu. If on the other hand he doesn't get you anything from DD then yanbu

Do what you want. Sounds like a lovely idea.

It depends on why you're doing it.

To send some sort of message to him?
To piss him off?
To show you're hurt about something?

I think actually talking would be the best solution to whatever's going on in your relationship.

@WorraLibertyNone of the above, I’d be doing it to have a nice Mother’s Day in the sunshine with my girl. No risk of a bad atmosphere or arguments etc.

@sweeneytoddsrazor It depends if he’s remembered/knows it’s Mother’s Day 🤷🏻‍♀️I normally say something, this time I’m not.

I think that would be sending a pretty clear signal that you don’t see yourselves as a family anymore.

[quote Bingneedstochill]@WorraLibertyNone of the above, I’d be doing it to have a nice Mother’s Day in the sunshine with my girl. No risk of a bad atmosphere or arguments etc.[/quote]
So it is one of the above really.

You want to get away from arguments with him and spend some time with your daughter alone.

That's absolutely fair enough but it's also something you can do (presumably) on any day.

The fact you're choosing Mother's Day, is making a point and sending a clear message, which again is fine as long as you're willing to have that conversation that you both clearly need.

Also, consider the fact it's likely to cause another argument if you go ahead on this particular day.

@Sirzy

I think that would be sending a pretty clear signal that you don’t see yourselves as a family anymore.

This. You say you’re doing it not to cause an argument but this is exactly what’s going to cause an argument.

It won’t be the nice Mother’s Day you want because it’ll be spoilt by bad feeling and arguments.

@WorraLiberty I could do it any day but the point is I want Mother’s Day in particular not to be spoilt, something nice to remember. If it was a normal day, I wouldn’t be as bothered 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Sirzy @emilyfrost Do you think we should just all go and I hope for the best. Doesn’t make me feel too excited for a nice day

If it was, Father's Day and he did that to you what would you think?

It depends, if you want to send the message “I think our marriage is worth fighting for” then you go together and you work to make it nice. If you are happy to send the signal that your ready to move on then that is fine but as Worra has said you need to be ready to have the conversations that will follow

[quote Bingneedstochill]@WorraLiberty I could do it any day but the point is I want Mother’s Day in particular not to be spoilt, something nice to remember. If it was a normal day, I wouldn’t be as bothered 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Then own what you're doing.

You're using Mother's Day and your daughter to make a point.

You know it'll have some sort of repercussion and if you're ok with that then crack on.

Either way, you two still need to sit down and talk like adults.

Growing up, I always used to spend Mothers' Day with just my mum, and Fathers' Day with just my dad, so that aspect sounds normal to me.

But if you always do things together, it does seem a bit passive aggressive. I would talk to him first - if you spring it on him tomorrow he might be upset and that'll cause one of the arguments you're trying to avoid.

@Sirzy

I think that would be sending a pretty clear signal that you don’t see yourselves as a family anymore.

I also think you'd be sending him a fairly clear message. Although if you'd don't want the relationship to continue that might not be a bad thing.

He hasn’t even bought anything or mentioned Mother’s Day, so I’m guessing is nothing tomorrow, aside from the thing I’ve ordered myself, for myself.

@Bingneedstochill

He hasn’t even bought anything or mentioned Mother’s Day, so I’m guessing is nothing tomorrow, aside from the thing I’ve ordered myself, for myself.

How do you know he hasn’t bought anything? It’s not Mother’s Day yet.

You don’t seem to realise that by doing this you’re going to create an argument, which is exactly what you’re saying you want to avoid.

@emilyfrost Because I know him 🙈