To ask is this normal? New job

[whispawhisper]

I have recently changed jobs (6months) from one career in public sector to a completely different career in the private sector. This is my first Mother's Day at my job and they have given all of the mothers a gift of chocolates and a lovely candle for Mother's Day!! I found it crazy but a lovely idea!! Do other workplaces do this or are they just super nice??

None of my private sector employers have ever done that.

No that's not normal, and maybe I'm a miserable b**ch but as someone who wants to be a mother but is going through fertility problems this would really annoy me! But I guess it's nice if you're not unhinged like me! 🤣

That is weird! Mother's Day is for children to thank their mothers, not for mothers to get general adulation from strangers for reproducing...

@chillichutneysarnie

No that's not normal, and maybe I'm a miserable b**ch but as someone who wants to be a mother but is going through fertility problems this would really annoy me! But I guess it's nice if you're not unhinged like me! 🤣

That was my first thought too though, and I’m not in your position.

Just feels like opening a can of worms to me. What about women who can't be mothers? Or childfree people who will see it as another example of parents getting preferential treatment. As there's often a devide in work places with parents and non parents regarding time off anyway. So big no from me.

I think it’s inappropriate - it’s treating people differently because of their parental status. Which has no bearing on their work.

I have lost seven pregnancies. I would probably have spent a day in tears if I’d seen other women’s status as mothers being celebrated in my workplace, where my fertility is not usually, thank goodness, an issue.

I think it's a nice idea. Never worked anywhere that did it though.

I’m all for recognising employees but this is weird and segregating.

@chillichutneysarnie

No that's not normal, and maybe I'm a miserable b**ch but as someone who wants to be a mother but is going through fertility problems this would really annoy me! But I guess it's nice if you're not unhinged like me! 🤣

No I don't think it's unhinged at all. Or even for a child fee person you can't assume it's not an issue in their relationships. Eg parents wanting you to have children.

The gifts were sent to our homes so not distributed in work.

As a mother I would probably have felt awkward receiving gifts if it didn't include everyone.
Christmas or even birthdays is the time to give gifts, that way everyone gets included.

Totally inappropriate I think. Even if you are a mother doesn't mean Mother's Day is significant or easy for you.

@whispawhisper

The gifts were sent to our homes so not distributed in work.

That doesn’t make it all right. Has/will nobody mention it at work?

I’d quite like a nice candle for having not had a holiday during the summer for the last ten years, so that my colleagues who are parents can do so.

Or some chocolates for every time I’ve agreed to travel for a meeting when a colleague couldn’t do it because they had to be back in time for the school run.

Not normal, fucking weird, I hate it.

Not normal and a terrible idea for all sorts of reasons.

I did work in one place where a man would leave a chocolate bunny on every woman's desk at Easter.

That could be incredibly hurtful to some people. I don't like that at all.

They do seem to celebrate at every opportunity. On international women's day we all got a lunch voucher for a free lunch.

That would go down like a lead balloon with my employer, ours gave parents paid special leave to help juggle working and home schooling and it caused vitriol from those who didn't need to home school

My last CEO used to leave a chocolate on all the women's desks for Valentine's Day, he was a creep.

Do you think they will do something similar for Father's Day and Grand Parent's Day?

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles I assume so yes

It's not normal but my company is fantastic. In the 6 months since I started I've had 3 £100 vouchers, one beautiful Christmas hamper with chocolate, wine and goodies, and we were told yesterday another gift in on its way to everyone as a thank you for the company winning a 'best places to work' award😁

I think this is really weird.

@whispawhisper

They do seem to celebrate at every opportunity. On international women's day we all got a lunch voucher for a free lunch.

Did you have to tell the men that they’ll all get one on 19 November?

Or is this stuff all about patronising the little ladies (and making them distracted by the shiny things) while they give the men a cash bonus instead?

As usual the childless/childfree are sidelined in the workplace.

I would make a formal complaint if that happened where I worked.

I work in a place where we do all sorts of engagement activities through the year, lots of different topics and different things aimed at different people. It’s lovely. We haven’t done Mother’s Day. But whether this is ok or not depends on what else they celebrate, and how.