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To feel I don't remember how to feel happy

3 replies

Sadshoress · 12/03/2021 16:15

My heart is currently broken. For six months I've been joined at the hip and phone to a man who I thought loved me and wanted something long term. He came along when I was suffering from anxiety and it cleared up within days of meeting him. He gave me all these feelings of happiness and love again. I'm a mum of two little children and as much as I love the bones of them, I was happy having something that made me more than just a mum. I can't explain how he did it. He was consistent. Full of compliments and made me see things differently in a good way. He made me feel light.

But there were many red flags looking back. I started getting that feeling in my gut and I knew things were not right. For a start he was always saying what a loyal decent man he was. He would talk about the "idiots" he worked with and how they would be passing photos of women around at work and he'd be disgusted at their lack of respect. But he started slipping up. He often had someone bothering him. Usually a female from his hometown and he'd make out he didn't know how to block them etc.

At the start of the week I caught him messaging another women and rather than have a conversation he quickly panicked and blocked her. I carried on asking him why he's reacted like that. He then punished me by blocking me everywhere. I have contacted this women since and she's confirmed he's been playing us both and she said he's blocked her many times and blows hot and cold with her. She said she never knows what she's done.

He owes me money. So I sent him a message today as I noticed he unblocked me. But it seems I'm still half blocked on messenger as it stayed a white circle.

So I called his phone and got one ring and was cut off. He called me ten minutes later and said did you ring. I said I want to ask about the money. He said I'll pay you it back goodbye take care (sarcastically) and hung up.

So I sent him a message to say how rude and childish he was being. I bailed him out when he was skint and in return expect a little bit of respect. He was rude back so I then told him I knew about the other women and she had told me all I needed to know. I told him I was hurt because I have young children and by messing me around he was also prepared to mess them around.

He's sent half the money back today and now appears to have blocked my number. He then contacted the other women. She's contacted me to say he's threatening to tell her husband everything (turns out she's married) and it's just turned into a nasty drama because he's a player.

Currently feeling really sad. I've got to find a way to feel purpose in my life without him. I know it sounds pathetic but he really got inside my head and I think I cared far too much for him. I'm not sure how to repair myself. It's hard realising someone who claimed to love you was capable of being devious.

Anyone got any advice. I can't get into books or Tele. I can't think of anything positive to do this weekend. I don't know how to move forward.

OP posts:
MorePotatoSalad · 12/03/2021 22:10

Oh I feel for you OP that's awful. He's a complete shitbag, it's so hard having your heart broken. Is the rest of the money a big deal or are you writing that off? You have every right to feel angry and sad and I think it probably comes in waves but it does get better. I hope writing it all down has helped and continue to do that especially if it helps. I would really try and focus on some lovely positive things for yourself like a distracting movie, lovely bath and pamper, a nice meal, catch up with any old friends or family, getting a months subscription to Readly where you can access all the womens magazines like Psychologies, Red magazine for free (if you cancel before a month). I'm sure others will be along with suggestions Flowers.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 13/03/2021 08:42

It’s understandable that you’ll be feeling sad, he’s basically a lowlife who manages to fool you into thinking he was a nice guy. At least it was only 6 months and you’ve not invested in the relationship to the point you’re living together.

Time to lick the wounds, invest in yourself - is there something you’re interested in trying, a bit of art, gardening, online yoga? Do something for you.

If the kids are with you this weekend, play a game, get them to choose a film and do a ‘cinema night’, get them planting some sunflowers.

Good luck OP, move on and don’t look back.

Sadshoress · 13/03/2021 11:47

Thank you both. He's given me half the money now so just hoping the other half comes back. He normally writes I love you when he sends money back (I know cringe) but this time he didn't write anything just sent it. Didn't tell me. Not even a thank you.

I'm not contacting him anymore about money or anything.

I'm definitely up and down. It's so easy to remember the happy times and my heart sinks. Because he was the man I called first about everything. Even though it's only been six months. I went through all of Christmas and stuff with him and we were planning to have a lovely summer together this year.

I'll never understand. It feels like so much to just chuck away so easily. But I guess it shows his feelings for me can't have been real.

I'm going to think of little projects to do thank you. Having a big sort out of the kids Rooms today.

I've wanted to improve my front garden for two summers so perhaps I shall have to start that too.

It sounds stupid but I think he got in my head so much that I don't find joy in anything else now. Nothing seems positive or fun. My whole life was revolving around him. I used to enjoy everything. Even though I still love and care for my friends. It was like what they were saying to me wasn't interesting. I just wanted to get back to him. I don't mean their real lives. Just wasn't interested in the day to day chit chat anymore. I just can't understand how I got so invested.

OP posts:
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