to want something different ? how to do I tell my bestie though ...

[whattocallmyselfeh]

Pre lockdown me and my bestie would go out every other weekend. We are mid 40's. Going out usually meant a crowded bar, DJ, pushing to get to the bar, drunken people all around us, out till 3am and a hell of a lot of drink. I've enjoyed lockdown in the sense that I've had time for myself and life has generally been more laid back and chilled. Post lockdown, my bestie is going to want to go back to our nights out again. But I no longer want to go to the same type of places. These bars are full of 20/25 year olds - nothing wrong with that, just a much younger crowd for my liking. I want to go to bars and have some music - not quite the loud DJ type though - but not the younger crowded bars where I feel old and they can all keep going until 3am but by midnight I'm done and ready for bed. My bestie is single and likes going to the crowded places to go ''out on the pull'', I'm married and generally want a much more relaxed evening. How do I tell my bestie that ? or am I being selfish/boring ?

I think the idea to suggest different nights out rather than just saying definitely not the pre-Covid style is the way to go.
On a different note if your bestie is looking to meet someone closer to her own age I highly recommend gigs of bands that were big in your teens/early twenties.
Also bars near sporting venues if there is a sport she has an interest in.
Pre Covid this is where we went when single friends in late 30s/early 40s wanted to go on the pull.

I'm 40s and that night out sounds like pure heaven right now!!!

It is horrible being single and wanting to meet someone. Why not have a monthly night out but change it slightly. Meet at 6pm for dinner in a pub, then hit some bars, and watch some live music. She's much more likely to meet someone this way anyway. What I'd give to go out dancing right now!!!

Mid-40s?! No, you’re not wrong to want this to stop.

That’s really cringey!

Just tell her that your days of clubbing are over (as they should be, IMO) and suggest dinner/drinks/more low-key gigs instead?

I have a single friend who hates clubs but makes a point of going to pubs when there’s a decent football/rugby match on and so likely to be heaving with men. Could you suggest this and have a pub lunch/drinks afternoon instead?

I don’t blame you OP. And it seems an odd setting to try and pull. I mean, surely the 20-somethings will only be interested in the other 20-somethings? If she’s looking for men and doesn’t want to do online dating, wouldn’t normal pubs be better, rather than loud clubs?

Thanks for all the replies.
Yes, I can feel like a lemon standing there while she is chatting up blokes.

The thought of stepping foot in another nightclub or clubby bar ever again feels me with dread.
Like the idea of going to a bar when there is a game on and there are going to be plenty of blokes there. We could get there mid-late game so we don't have to sit through the whole game (we hate football/rugby !) and just get the tail end of it and then the blokes stay on for drinks after.
I really hope the days of crowded bars are gone for a very long time, but be nice to get out to a bar to sit and chill with a glass in PEACE.

Not quite the point of the thread but I am in my 60’s and would love one night out clubbing like I did in my 20’s.
Am I deluded, has lockdown boredom got to me?

@Fairyliz no! Definitely not! I hardly go out out, and don't really drink these days, but the last time I did I got in at 6am! Great fun, just not all the time! Post knockdown we'll need to out making the most of life and letting our hair down.

@Reinventinganna

Bestie and hubby are two words that guarantee that I can’t be bothered to read the thread properly.

Sure the OP will be devastated 🙄

OP - ignore the snide digs about your use of the term ‘bestie’. Just remember, these are people who can’t refer to relatives they hate or even their cat without putting ‘D’ in front of it.

I think if she’s really your best friend, you can be honest with her. Lockdown has changed priorities for a lot of people; you’re not being unreasonable to say that, having had more time at home, you’ve realised that big nights out every two weeks is getting to be a bit much. You don’t have to say ‘I am literally never setting foot in another bar, ever’; just not every fortnight. Make it clear that this doesn’t mean not spending time with her or that you don’t value the friendship - you just want to do different things now.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

OP - ignore the snide digs about your use of the term ‘bestie’. Just remember, these are people who can’t refer to relatives they hate or even their cat without putting ‘D’ in front of it.

I think if she’s really your best friend, you can be honest with her. Lockdown has changed priorities for a lot of people; you’re not being unreasonable to say that, having had more time at home, you’ve realised that big nights out every two weeks is getting to be a bit much. You don’t have to say ‘I am literally never setting foot in another bar, ever’; just not every fortnight. Make it clear that this doesn’t mean not spending time with her or that you don’t value the friendship - you just want to do different things now.

🤣 first paragraph- so true!

2nd paragraph- good advice!

Friendship is a 2 way thing OP, you don't have to always do stuff you're no longer enjoying but evey so often you could for the sake of being a good friend. If i were you i would drop it into conversation soon "i am looking forward to restrictions easing but being home more has shown me that i am past the stage of crowded bars and clubs. Can't wait until you can come and have a drink and dance around my kitchen together though" (or whatever you guys find fun).

I'm not even 30 and I couldn't deal with that 😂 Just be honest to her!

Hi OP

If she really is your best friend surely you should be able to tell her something as uncontroversial as 'I get knackered at midnight and I'm not sure clubs are really my thing any more - can we try x bar instead'? without worrying about it.

OP - ignore the snide digs about your use of the term ‘bestie’. Just remember, these are people who can’t refer to relatives they hate or even their cat without putting ‘D’ in front of it.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

OP - ignore the snide digs about your use of the term ‘bestie’. Just remember, these are people who can’t refer to relatives they hate or even their cat without putting ‘D’ in front of it.

I think if she’s really your best friend, you can be honest with her. Lockdown has changed priorities for a lot of people; you’re not being unreasonable to say that, having had more time at home, you’ve realised that big nights out every two weeks is getting to be a bit much. You don’t have to say ‘I am literally never setting foot in another bar, ever’; just not every fortnight. Make it clear that this doesn’t mean not spending time with her or that you don’t value the friendship - you just want to do different things now.

Your first paragraph is so true 😂😂😂😂 and is your 2nd.

I partied hard enough until I was about 30 and could not think of anything worse than being back in club (even before Covid ) but slit of my friends had kids earlier so are back out on the scene so to speak, I am thankfully not.

OP explain your feelings, best friends should be able to talk open and honestly, then reassure her that you still want to see her on those weekends just not in a club environment.
Try and find other fun things to do but you are definitely not being unreasonable.