To make my daughter stay on at school?

[Imisspeg]

My daughter is in sixth year nearly 18 and due to leave school in June.I have been very fortunate that she is an extremely hard worker and has achieved fantastic results in her Nat 5's and highers.She has always seemed to enjoy school and would also willingly take part in the other school activities like sponsored walks etc .She has applied for 5 universities and so far has had 4 unconditional offers which we are extremely proud.Since the second lockdown she seems to just basically be fed up and over school and one of her subjects which she used to love seems to have slided a bit and she appears to have lost focus which is understandable as who isn't fed up especially teenagers.She mentioned to me that she just wasn't enjoying school anymore and was pretty unhappy and could she leave school since she had her uni offers and she would work in her part time job to build up her money for uni. Her dad and I were at first ok with this given that she had worked so hard and had the uni offers until her head of year phoned.My daughter had sent in an email indicating her intentions to leave and she wanted to discuss this with me.She explained that as this years results were on teacher recommendations rather than exam results ,my daughter was guaranteed a good result on at least 3 of the 4 subjects she was sitting and if she left she would basically be throwing it away and would my daughter be willing to stay on for the last few months.Now with her explaining this to me it seemed crazy to let my daughter leave and I tried to talk to her about it not force her btw just to try and see what she could potentially get.Well she had a meltdown got extremely upset started crying saying how it was pressure on her and her mental health and stormed out.She soon came back and I explained I just wanted to talk to her. So do I basically try and get her to go back for the short time to get the qualifications and make her realise that sometimes in life you need to do things you don't enjoy or let her leave earn the money until uni starts and keep her mental health in check?I have always tried to be a parent who doesn't force things on my children that they clearly do not want to do but with her growing up does she make her own decision on this?Thanks

Of course she has to stay. I’m not sure how either of you thought it would be okay to leave early. These grades will be on her CV for the rest of her life. They’re not just a means to getting to uni.

It might also be worth checking the unconditional offers. They might well be unconditional on a specified final grade, but are assuming completion of the course.

If she’s missing part of the course, and has already been disengaged, I would be concerned she’s missing out on learning she will need to prep for her uni course and making that transition much harder than it needs to be.

If she officially leaves now it seems unlikely that she can gain grades. If you believe that she has mental health issues then you could negotiate a gradual return to school with some online learning from home or being able to attend virtual lessons if they are willing to have the camera on while they are teaching the rest of the class which is not ideal for the teacher - much more complicated. If the drs identify that she does have serious anxiety issues then there may eventually be a way of her gaining her grades as being assessed by what she has done so far but these would be special consequences consideration and they can't sign to say she has finished adequate work for her next steps which is part of what is expected of them. It seems like you need to help her adjust and change her mindset if she is going to be well placed to carry on her education via uni.

But surely she has to finish the courses in order to get the grades?

As a manager I always checked A-level or equivalent grades as well as GCSE when hiring new employees so it's not all about uni level study.

Could she not have her uni place deferred for a year? Then she could finish her course then spend a year working and taking a break from studying.

Just to address previous comments, in Scotland lots of students don't do 6th year, and it's not seen negatively. E.g. I went to uni straight from 5th year because I had the grades I needed.

OP, its tricky though, as it does seem a waste. I think it depends what exams she is sitting. Is it an advanced higher in the subject she will study at uni? Or extra highers in unrelated subjects?

This is common. She’s got unconditional offers based on her Highers, so she’ll be doing advanced Highers now or crash Highers. In my experience, most kids with unconditional offers do SFA in sixth year. And as plenty of kids don’t do a sixth year, it won’t affect her CV in the future. I think most of the other answers are from people that don’t understand the Scottish system.

She is in Scotland and has the exam results she needs to get in to uni. She doesn't have to stay on for 6th year. It isn't unusual for pupils to leave after 5th year. Just let her leave. Her being there is serving no real purpose. Yes she could get more qualifications but she doesn't really need them.

I think you should have posted on Scotsnet op as a lot of posters here aren't going to understand the Scottish education system. If she got the required grades in 5th year then 6th year isn't necessary and if she's not enjoying it and has a job / isn't just going to doss about the house then I'd let her leave.
The school won't want her to leave as they like to keep highly achieving pupils as it's good for their ratings.

@Potterythrowdown

But surely she has to finish the courses in order to get the grades?

As a manager I always checked A-level or equivalent grades as well as GCSE when hiring new employees so it's not all about uni level study.

She has unconditional offers so is getting in on the grades she achieved in 5th year (as I understand it anyway). Conditional offers would be specifying the grades she needed to get in her S6 exams.

I would encourage her to stay though (I also have an S6 child ) as if she fails the subjects she has to still put that she was taking them but ultimately didn't get a grade.

Of course she needs to stay on! It's not like she has to do any exams and it's just a couple more months....get her fired up about going to uni, this last stretch is just a means to an end!

These grades will be on her CV for the rest of her life. They’re not just a means to getting to un

Not true, employers don't care about your school qualifications if you have a degree unless you're maybe going for a very specific job but I can't think what. Ops daughter also already has enough highers by the sounds of it.

But yes, posting in Scotsnet would make more sense

I would try to get her to stay. She may not need the grades to get into uni, but what if she ends up dropping out of her uni course and wishes she had these grades to fall back on when applying for jobs? This is why I'm strongly against unconditional uni offers that encourage good students to underperform in their final year at school.

Not sure how you could 'make' her stay anyway. She's 17 so technically an adult. Talk to her, try to reason with her and persuade her by all means (which I would do in this situation) but by no means can you make her stay if she doesn't want to.

By the sounds of it her mental health is not good. There could be a thousand readings for that so maybe that is where you should focus your attention so she's in a better place mentally come the autumn.

Thanks for the replies yes we are in Scotland so will post on Scotsnet just to get opinions

I would try to get her to stay. She may not need the grades to get into uni, but what if she ends up dropping out of her uni course and wishes she had these grades to fall back on when applying for jobs? This is why I'm strongly against unconditional uni offers that encourage good students to underperform in their final year at schoo

This is a good point actually. Or what if she doesn't like the degree and needs another subject to switch or something?

I was forced to attend VI form. Initially I attended but after a couple of months I would leave home as if going to VI form but go and hang around town, got the train to the next town, sat in cafes with a coffee for a couple of hours.

It was a waste of 2 years of my life. It impacted on my mental and physical health and I still resent my parents for not listening to me / allowing me to make my own decisions.

Oh and I got crap grades.

@dementedpixie

But yes, posting in Scotsnet would make more sense

So Scottish people can only post in Scotsnet now? Lots of posters either don't know about it or prefer the main boards. It's clear from the OP referring to sixth year that she's in Scotland. Other posters just haven't noticed/cared.

I didn't mean they can only post in Scotsnet, sorry
Just that they would understand the school system and unconditional offers

No, Scottish people don't have to only post on Scotsnet, I'm Scottish and I'm here. The reason a couple of us have suggested it is that posters from the rUK don't often understand our education system etc so op will get tonnes of posts that aren't relevant.

She's so nearly finished, it's literally just a few more months. I've worked with young people who have dropped out of courses at this time of year and they always regret it and wish they'd just sucked it up for the last little bit. Is there anything you can say or do to motivate or encourage her to power through? Obviously you can't force her but it's quite likely she will regret it at some point in the future.

On the mental health front, what is causing issues? Because unless it is a specific to the school bullying issue, it will probably do her a lot of good to face studying with people or the stress of schoolwork whilst you are on hand to provide support. Otherwise how will she cope at university where the stress will be higher but you won’t be on hand?

Is she seeing a medical professional?

Not true, employers don't care about your school qualifications if you have a degree unless you're maybe going for a very specific job but I can't think what. Ops daughter also already has enough highers by the sounds of it.
Thats necessarily true, a friend who had a first in relevant degree got asked at an interview her a level results. She had ABB and was told they were terminating interview as they only take AAA. She had also worked in the field during uni and had good experience

My dad is in year 13, in England. She has got behind and is very anxious and stressed. Not washing, hardly eating etc. But when she is online with friends she's fine. She is doing no work and not going in to school. I can't force her and have shed tears over it. She is going to fail. It is awful to see teens making decisions that we feel they may come to regret. But, they have to make them. I actually want my dad to quit and put us all out of our misery. This bloody pandemic has made it all sooooo much harder. Don't get me wrong, she still would've struggled.