Travelling to England

[Ajahd]

Okay, I'm totally prepared to get flamed here, but I really just want to get some opinions.

My husband and I live in Scotland, his parents live in England. My Dad doesn't live in the UK and my Mum died 6 years ago. My closest and only friend lives around 20 minutes away, but over a county border so I've not seen her due to lockdown. Even during my pregnancy, I was so worried about risks, we didn't see each other once restrictions eased.

We had a baby in September and while we're coping, we've reached a point where we are both mentally struggling (as are a lot of people in the UK). Our boy is amazing and I love him more than I can put into words, but he cries so much, he just seems to find everything so overwhelming. I find myself crying pretty much every day because he's so upset. My husband is depressed and it just feels like we're going deeper and deeper into a darkness, if that doesn't sound too melodramatic.

He's currently furloughed and I'm on maternity (although I have no job to return to once this ends). His work have asked him to take a week off in April. We really want to go down to stay with his parents, and form a childcare bubble. Everything I've read seems like this is within the rules, although possible a stretch, as there isn't a limit on how far you can travel for childcare. We really just need the emotional support right now.

My worry is my PILs neighbours. I'm so worried about them thinking badly of my PILs, and making life awkward for them. At the end of the day, they're the ones who will have to live there, and I just don't want them to be seen as ignoring lockdown rules. One neighbour is known for phoning the Police for petty reasons (unrelated to COVID times) and I would hate to put my PILs through that.

I've had my first jab, MIL has had both of hers and FIL gets his next week of that makes a difference. MIL works from home, FIL had surgery so has been at home for 6 weeks. We order all our shopping through click and collect, so I'm confident we won't be a risk to each other.

Would we be taking the mick if we went?

Since you'll be in England let's assume those rules will apply, any family with a child under 1 can form a support bubble which this would fall under. Ignore the childcare one as that wouldn't allow you to go. If your in-laws neighbours call the police you can simply confirm you are an extended household with a child under 1 and there will be no issue

I'd wait for the three weeks after FILs vaccine.

I think you should go. Maybe wait until FiL has had second jab but plan the visit now so you have it to look forward to. Risks would be minimal even if you did go now. I have huge sympathy for you. It's hard enough with a fretful baby but with no baby groups and support networks, it's a nightmare. You will get a break, they will see their grandson and maybe have some tips on how to soothe him. I hope you have a lovely time.

You and DH need some time off together too.

Quarantine yourselves for 10 days, wait 3 weeks after FIL jab, and go create a child support bubble.

Thanks everyone. If we were to go, it would be 3 weeks after his jab.

It's been such a tough year for everyone, i would just hate to rub it in their neighbours' faces, or cause any animosity you know? But then again, I can't control what people are saying or thinking behind the curtains.

It's purely for the support. My husband's friends are all down there, but we don't plan on telling them we're down as we don't want to take the mick by flouncing about town.

I honestly felt like I was coping so well, but it's gotten so hard over the past couple of months. We hate leaning on each other because we know how down the other is feeling and don't want to bring each other down even more.

If FIL has his first jab next week and then you’re waiting three weeks after, you won’t be going for a month - so you’ll be in the part where people can meet outside and the guidance is “stay local”, not “stay at home”. They haven’t fully fleshed out what that means yet, but they will have done before you go - so I’d make a call once it’s clear what you can and can’t do then. It doesn’t mean delaying anything, because you’ve got four weeks to wait anyway.

In the meantime, you’ll be able to meet someone outside from March 29th, all going well. Do you or your friend have a garden you could meet in, to get a break?

I have a few friends with new babies and we’ve already booked in time that I can sit in the garden and keep an eye for them so that they can get a bit of a break.

You are not being unreasonable. You have clearly thought it all through, waiting for your FIL to be vaccinated etc. Agree with others to minimise contact / or even better quarantine for two weeks before you go. I am in a very similar position to you - also live in Scotland (alone) and closest friends are in other local authorities (over an hours drive away) and family are all in northern England. Haven’t seen my parents since September. I have decided the same as you, once my grandparents have had their second vaccine and 10 days has passed I am also going to England (even if not strictly allowed) - timeline of this puts me at mid-April. Also will self isolate for 10 days before heading down south. I have a lot of sympathy for you x

I am not saying don’t do it but you do need to be aware that what you are proposing isn’t forming a childcare bubble, its visiting family.
Anyone who reports or thinks badly of either you or your in laws for doing it is a Dick though.