To have call DH a selfish wanker?

[milleniumhandandprawn]

Background, we have a good relationship but lockdown recently has made me so irritable. Stuff that I'd usually let slide... I just can't at the moment.
We also have Never been a name calling type of couple, so I've possibly crossed a line.

Both of us had left our muddy shoes outside the after a walk - and pretty much forgotten about them.
I just went to grab them inside as it's chucking it down now and he's already brought his in - leaving mine out there which are now soaked.

They would have been soaked anyway, as I'd forgotten, but he rescued his own and left mine!

So I just stomped upstairs and told him he can be such a selfish wanker.
He's definitely not asleep but also is pretending to be so I can't apologise.
I'm torn between cross and guilty...

I find it very selfish and I'd be pissed off too!

I wouldn't apologise. In fact I would repeat it again in the morning to make sure he does hear.

You were not being unreasonable! Why on earth wouldn't he have just brought in both pairs??!

I'd never use the word 'wanker' to an oh but thats me and no judgement to those who do swear as an acceptable part of their relationship but im behind you 100% on sentiment.

I also think its a sign you've reached tipping point, let's hope he appreciates that.

Apologise for the word, not the feelings.

He was well out of order and totally selfish.

Can’t understand why anyone would do that ...

TaraR2020 that's the thing. We never ever swear at each other - unless it's clearly a joke.
Definitely I need to apologise for that. But I'm still pissed off.

But then everything is pissing me off these days. I'm probably pretty grumpy. We all need freedom, space and sunshine. It's been bloody ages without any of them!

I wouldn't be apologising and would ask him why he left your boots outside when he brought his in?

Why would he not have brought them in??

Utterly selfish!!

If he wanks (probably) the name fits!!

I wouldn’t apologise- if they’re ruined it’s cost you money. Why on earth would he only sort his own out?

He probably had a reason for it - he's not normally totally selfish.
But he does apply his own logic to situations sometimes that's difficult to fathom.

It depends though - if he brought his in before the rain came on because his were dry enough but yours were still damp, then you owe him an apology.

However if he brought his in after the rain had started (or when it was very evident it was about to rain) and left yours then he deserves to have it with both barrels.

They're not ruined - they're outdoor shoes so will dry and be fine.
But probably not in time for my walk tomorrow.

As I say though - they would be anyway which is my fault. But it's the fact that his are dry (ish) and I'm not so lucky.

He has been very selfish here.

Coffeerequirednow it's the latter - definitely was raining hard when he got his in.

Perhaps you could ask him in the morning if he heard you telling him about the strange news item you came upstairs to mention, but realised he was sleeping. You know, the shellfish tanker that ran aground in the English Channel?

That is, if you're feeling bad about the name-calling.

Given the number of threads telling women to leave their "abusive" partners for swearing at them once... 🤷🏼‍♀️

He's a selfish wanker though. I wouldn't apologise unless he brings it up.

I might try that.

@milleniumhandandprawn

Coffeerequirednow it's the latter - definitely was raining hard when he got his in.

That's not good then. Burn his toast in the morning.

Apologise for the wanker but not for calling him selfish. It would have been nil extra effort on his part, and leaving them comes across as he really doesnt give a shit about your stuff or he is actively and passive aggressively trying to make a point (like when posters complain that their husband doesnt ever do any housework and cooking and get told just to make their own meals from now on).

Sounds spot on really, if the shoe fits... I’d apologise for the wanker but not the sentiment. Then I’d cook my dinner and forget his

Yup - I'm genuinely sorry for the wanker... but not the selfish.
I blame it on the tv programme I was watching - lots of very outspoken strong women swearing in a forthright elegant way at their male partners/bosses/friends.

I forgot I can't/don't do that so it came across a bit defcon 5...

Definitely selfish though.
And now he's actually asleep. Which is also annoying.

“I’m sorry I called you a wanker, but I’m still very pissed off at your selfishness.”

And I don’t know what you do for him I.e laundry or whatever but I’d forget to do it for a while.

I am laughing at Shellfish tanker lol

I wouldn’t apologise. He was a selfish wanker. You should’ve thrown his boots back outside -I’ll grow up soon-