ALL in-laws take at least 5-10 years to get used to?

[PamDenick]

For no reason in particular (?!), for those of us who’ve been married for some time, would you agree that ALL in laws take at least five tears to get used to? Whether that’s cos they ask you to accompany them to special church services, have odd uncles somewhere in the family, or have demanding Christmas arrangements?

I've never thought about it, but I suspect you're right. The ILs and I have a fairly easy, comfortable relationship now, but DH and I have been together for 17 years, and there's certainly been a lot of ups and downs over that time.

Maybe yours did but mine didn’t.

I thinkbyou are possibly right. In different ways really. When I first met exmil I actually liked her (although in retrospect that was possibly because exdgm was still alive and she very much kept exmil in check and absolutely loved me). When exdgm died exmil started some silliness with our wedding then the batshit really went full nuclear when ds1 was born. At the beginning she seemed lovely. Although I will say she has mellowed heavily since the divorce ....to an extent realising she played a part in the divorce.

DP mum I've always got on with because she is simply a fabulous human being. That said it took me a few years to adjust to a) a decent in law so to speak and b ) DP come from extremely different backgrounds.

I remember a few years ago we spent Christmas there. I spent the whole day waiting for passive aggressive remarks or a row or an upset. When I commented to DP how lovely and relaxed and happy he had been he pointed out that this was normal. It was just that between exmil and my family I had never experienced that and had no concept of it. So in that case adjustment was a good thing .

I loved my MIL immediately, she was brilliant and funny and interesting - sadly she died a few years ago, and I miss her very much. She could be hard work at times, like anyone could, but I was never made to feel anything other than family and we had a good relationship outside of mine with DH.

My FIL is an acquired taste but he means well and we get on - we don't see each other often though, so we only see him once or twice a year.

It's gone the other way for me. Been together 9 years married nearly 5. I find them worse as time goes on. I had a baby recently and the minor gripes are suddenly much bigger gripes. Things I could overlook before I can't now, and I feel quite strongly about them spending unsupervised time with DD.

@Silurian

I’ve been with DH for almost 30 years, and no, I don’t think so. Maybe if your partner/DH is very family-minded, and for some reason wants you to spend vast amounts of time with his family, but otherwise, I can’t see why you need to get used to anything. I like mine, though we could not be more different, and I appreciate they brought up my lovely DH, but I haven’t joined their family or anything.

I find this attitude so odd. You have joined their family, because you joined DH, and he is their family. I would hate for my DIL and SIL to refuse to see me as family - it would be so uncomfortable!

FWIW I totally agree it takes time to get to know one another and feel totally comfortable, but the effort has been totally worth it. Love them all to bits

Not in my case. My MIL and SIL have slipped seamlessly into my life and I into theirs within a couple of years.

It's coming up to 5 years marriage this year and yes only this year am I starting to get "used" to them, I know them inside and out and have no problems setting boundaries and not caring what they think

I'm very lucky in this respect, my in laws are great. They aren't clingy at all, willing to help out on stuff if they can and nice to spend time with. They even like spending time with my parents too and we have all had bbqs together etc.

This is under 5 years too, forgot that.

We didn't have a baby straight away, I think this helps.
I'd known mine for 4 years before babies came.

I'm nearly 4 years married and I just find them more annoying than ever. It feels like they want to take my toddler away from me and raise him and they would be perfectly happy if a bus hit me and they can keep my son. I just don't understand the entitlement. They've had 3 kids and have experienced all of this. I no longer allow them to dictate my free time and manipulate who and when I want to spend time with because I know when my toddler grows up, I won't have any of that apart from the memories I make with my toddler right now.

I honestly get scared making a second child because of them. The only good thing that has come out of this pandemic is the stay indoors and don't mix guidelines. They've had their vaccination and are already making plans on going on holiday with us ffs 🤦‍♀️ one thing for sure, I will never ever force invite myself on any activity or family stuff my son chooses to do with his wife and child and wouldn't expect him to. It's his life, they only live once. Why can't my in laws understand this. When will they understand this? After we divorce, is that when the penny will drop after all the grief they have been causing?

What an odd question.

I find things are normally ok until kids. I was with my DH 6 years before our DD came along. Things were mostly fine until then. I found them a bit strange and his MIL quite rude sometimes but nothing major. Problems started once DD came along. Again, nothing too major but i did have to assert myself and started to bite back at comments made. Things have simmered down again with DD now 17 months. For me its swings and round abouts lol

Yes agree. Some families easy some not. Find boundaries good or not living too near family . My mother can be hard work

Mine was awful to me for the first 5 years and made up lies to try and split myself and my now dh up ( so it didn't work)
We went nc for a while and now are lc and that works best