To message an old (male/married) friend on fb

[Newbi]

So an old friend of mine commented on a mutual friend’s fb and it reminded me of him.
We did date for a very short time before he met his wife. But he’s more of a friend than an ex if that makes sense. I def don’t want to cause any issues (and can’t see how I would) I don’t have any intention of doing so but I’m probably overthinking this- is it ok to message to see how he is or not?

What’s the point?

I mean, you’re basically just wanting to be nosy. What else are you going to get out of it? So yeah, it’s weird.

I think you need to examine what the goal is. Why do you want to reconnect? Would you want a friendship now, would his partner be welcome? Are there lingering feelings?

Seems pointless to me but then I loathe Fb.

I think you need to examine what the goal is.

This. You need to be really honest with yourself.

Yes, I’d still want to be friends- that’s what I’d ‘get out of it’?! I count it in the same way as a female friend I’d been lazy about contacting and something reminded me of them. And no lingering feelings and his wife would be welcome.
But equally I don’t want to look like I’m trying to chat him up!!

How long ago? I think if you really just wanted to connect with a friend, you wouldn't feel the need to ask, you'd just do it.

You see I say it's fine to catch up once in years. I get messages like that sometimes and sometimes I message. Especially now lots of people do this because life is too short, isn't it and pandemic brought it up a lot. As long as it's not "You remember how we used to date? aww I am thinking about it a lot" (absolute bloody no!) but simple "saw you on Facebook and just wanted to see how you are doing? It has been long time!" is ok in my books. I also get gossip from my place of birth thanks to these catch ups😂
But I am also ok with my dh talking to other sex so I am "cool wife" or whatever and you should probably not listen to me🤷🏻

Last summer one of my exes messaged out of a blue. He wanted to show me his new business because he was really proud and he knew I am good cheerleader I guess🙈 It was really nice short catch up.

I'd just message, if he thinks it's not appropriate or isn't interested he can just ignore it.

I think that the fact that you had to ask, speaks volumes. I have male friends I used to work with, and actually recently I messaged one (following a comment on fb) and I didn't think about it. I just did. If I'd had to think whether it was appropriate or not, I wouldn't have messaged him.
I'd second guess the fact that you are not in a happy content relationship currently, and so you are reaching out to gage his response. If you had no intentions of anything, then your contact with him would be appropriate and with little investment of thought.
As I said, I messaged a guy, but if I thought for one minute his wife would feel funny about it, I'd back right off. Very few people want an ex sniffing about. Thats something different. Most exes move on, and don't always feel the need to connect again, unless there is a motivation or necessity.

I think maybe I’ve just read too much mumsnet! I was with schrodingers/tal and didn’t see it as an issue but like I say- started (over?) thinking about it and...well here I am!
The angst is not representative of a secret urge to shag him (unless it’s so unconscious I don’t know about it, which seems unlikely)!

If he doesn’t want the hassle or to contact you he doesn’t need to accept your request.