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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH - working through furlough & fear

35 replies

wink1970 · 10/03/2021 12:42

Advice most welcome, please. Sorry this might be a long one.

DH is in an industry that has been furloughed since the beginning (no mid-summer 2020 re-opening). Throughout, the owner of his company has expected DH & his small sales team to man the phones at the very least, often full-on working.

I have asked DH to refuse; his answer is that would result in the owner dismissing him (I believe this would happen, the owner is a bully).

I have asked him to challenge the owner about going back in June when the country opens up, as today he was told they will all stay on furlough until September ... though they will be expected to work 'full steam ahead to relaunch' from June.

DH got quite angry with me discussing it earlier, he thinks it would be like poking a hornet nest and would rather just accept it until September. He's refusing to 'have it out' or even push gently.

At the heart of this is his age (58) and his belief that he's 'passed it' and won't find another job if dismissed. I don't think this is true, he is well known in his industry.... and quite frankly furlough is only a small percentage of what he normally earns, so he might as well go work in Tesco and not have the stress, if he is right.

At the heart of me is that I'm starting to lose respect. I am a confronter, happy to take my own business to task when needed, and I suppose as I am younger and have worked throughout this, I don't understand. He is a proud man, emotionally strong and family-focused and I know he feels confused.

How do I handle this?

OP posts:

superduster · 10/03/2021 16:08

Does the business owner do their own tax and accounts? It will be fairly obvious if a large number of employees are still working while the company is claiming they are furloughed.

OverTheRubicon · 10/03/2021 16:29

@Allinagooddaystwerk

Surely he is profiting from illegal activity, which could be a criminal offense under the proceeds of crime act. There could be prosecution or repossession of the money in the civil courts.

So, if your DH won't do anything, you can either report the company, or just leave it. There's not really a third option.

As a 58 year old in a pandemic? Give over. It's a clear economic duress argument. He's getting paid less and working, he's not the profiteer here.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 10/03/2021 16:35

Report his company for fraud, I would tell them if you want us to work you pay us properly or will remain on furlough. They cannot sack him for working within the law, his boss is the one breaking it.

TheABC · 10/03/2021 16:36

I can see why he does not want to rock the boat. However, he is in a stronger position than he thinks, especially if he is balancing the books and managing the team. The owner cannot dismiss him without
a) admitting he was forcing DH to work and
b) replacing him; admitting there is a job required.

I can see why DH does not want to rock the boat. However, I would be quietly looking for work in the meantime and strengthening my networking on LinkedIn and elsewhere. Dodgy stuff like this will continue for as long as the owner thinks they can get away with it.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 10/03/2021 16:38

OP, I'm totally with your DH on this one and I think you 'losing your respect for him over this' is quite cruel considering the situation he is in. I think he should at least feel safe, loved and respected in his relationship especially when he is being exploited during a time of great financial and psychological insecurity. What do you want from him?? I really don't understand what you get out if pushing him to stand up to his employer? Other than a lost job and an even more helpless partner?

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 10/03/2021 16:40

Also you seem to think you'd do much better than him in the situation. It's very arrogant to be honest. Where is your empathy and recognition that he might know better than you about his job, industry and perception?

Fairyliz · 10/03/2021 16:44

I understand how you feel op I have a family member who is 'on furlough' but expected to work. Unfortunately its a very small company so if they were reported they might know who it is.

However I think you are being a bit unrealistic thinking that a 58 year old man will easily be able to get a job in a pandemic. If it was that easy why hasn't he done it already?

Sorry but I think you should be supporting him at the moment.

MaliceOrgan · 10/03/2021 16:45

Of course some people who work at Tesco are up at 4am worrying about work. Working in retail has its own stresses (including the poor pay). Stop being so snobby and dismissive.

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2021 17:23

Op. I don’t think this is ok . You can’t make it tougher than it is for him. He’s nearly sixty and no finding another job isn’t easy, you need to respect his decisions, and if he doesn’t wish to work in Tesco’s or see it as comparable then your being fairly offensive.

Your post smacks of bullying him

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2021 17:35

I’m also curious what you’re hoping to achieve. By your own admission he will loose his job if he follows your advice. Surely it’s better to ask him to consider applying for other jobs, since you seem to think they are so easy to get? Why bully him to get fired? And in an extremely unpleasant way.

I’m also not sure why you think jobs at Tesco are easy to get, particularly in this climate, maybe you can help us understand this too?

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