How to deal with irresponsible DH

[WhiteMitten]

I'm so angry!

DH and toddler DC were at the park for all of 5 minutes before DC returns with a huge bump on his head. This is not the first time, by a long shot.

Amazingly I manage 90% of the childcare and I can count on one hand the number of large bumps we've had, mostly when DC was learning to walk (we have tiled floors)

With DH, it's a regular occurrence (sometimes it's been more than once a day) and I honestly feel like he's just not careful or responsible with our child. In these moments I hate him. I know bumps and scrapes are par for the course with a small child but how is it that I manage perfectly fine and yet DH can't?

AIBU to expect DH to be more careful? I really worry that one day it's going to be a much more serious injury.

YANBU! Accidents happen but there's clearly a pattern of him failing to supervise your DS.

There was a thread on here a couple of years ago with a poster saying her DH played too rough with the child, and had given their toddler nosebleeds on a couple of occasions. It was shocking, and the DH didn't think it was a problem at all.

what happened?

Unless you carry him at all time, surely he could fall in exactly the same way with you, so it's just bad luck.

Or is he allowed to climb on things that are not age-appropriate and he gets hurts?

I agree with others that there needs to be more information here. What is it that your husband allows your child to do that you wouldn't do?

I have seen this on both sides where sometimes one parent is more cautious than the other. One parent will say that the other is not being careful enough and the other will say that they are being overprotective.

@LittlestBoho

YANBU! Accidents happen but there's clearly a pattern of him failing to supervise your DS.

There was a thread on here a couple of years ago with a poster saying her DH played too rough with the child, and had given their toddler nosebleeds on a couple of occasions. It was shocking, and the DH didn't think it was a problem at all.

I remember reading that thread. The thing is, DH seems genuinely gutted when it happens but then nothing changes. It's so frustrating.

So some examples would be:

• chases DC where accidents are likely to happen. Think floor cluttered with toys, hard surfaces. Inevitably results in trips and falls

• leaves doors and gates open regularly, as in most days. Today DH wasn't paying attention and DC was off in the bathroom with their hands down the toilet.

• Will walk off whilst DC is eating and he is supposed to be supervising. Only for a short time to faff about with something but DC is still of an age where he definitely needs to be supervised whilst eating.

• DH sprawls out across the floor where DC is playing and because DC doesn't watch where he is walking, he trips over DH legs. I've asked DH to be mindful of this but it falls on deaf ears.

• DH doesn't look where he is going and frequently knocks DC over because he's 'not seen him'

• DC fell off the sofa last week in DH care but I feel like this one was down to juggling WFH and watching DC. I understand accidents happen.

It's hard to say it's just one thing, it's more a sense of carelessness and just not having an awareness of hazards. I am probably a little bit protective but I am not especially cautious. I also take DC to the park, chase him, rough play with him, let him be independent but I manage to keep him safe.

Also DH could be walking with DC holding his hand and still allow him to trip over things/walk into things because he's either not noticed it himself or he doesn't realise it's a hazard and also leaving cups/heavy objects on the edge of the table where DC can reach. I've told him about the latter so many times but he just forgets.

how does it happen so often? like, literally: how?

How old is DC?
From the examples you've mentioned I really couldn't get worked up about them.

I also have a 20month old and must admit both me and DH do the things you've mentioned but I don't think either of us are irresponsible.

Our DD is a high energy tornado and constantly climbing / running into walls / falling with constant skint knees and bruises etc etc she is also a really happy outgoing wee girl

My eyes are twitching just reading this.

YANBU!

Bawl him out? He needs to act like a grown up and supervise his child!

@rosegoldivy

How old is DC? From the examples you've mentioned I really couldn't get worked up about them.

I also have a 20month old and must admit both me and DH do the things you've mentioned but I don't think either of us are irresponsible.

Our DD is a high energy tornado and constantly climbing / running into walls / falling with constant skint knees and bruises etc etc she is also a really happy outgoing wee girl

He's 17 months. DC is also very high energy, fearless, tears around etc. but he has significantly fewer injuries in my care. I think that's what frustrates me. I can manage but seemingly DH can't. Don't get me wrong, I know what children can be like and accidents happen. Of course, we all make mistakes, turn our backs for a second but its like DH is incapable of perceiving hazards/danger. When it's one thing after another it just feels so careless and avoidable.

@CrotchetyQuaver

Bawl him out? He needs to act like a grown up and supervise his child!

It doesn't change anything. I express my frustration, tell DH how much it upsets me when DC comes home with yet another bruised face he apologises and acts sheepish. To be fair to DH he does seem genuinely upset but then the next day it's forgotten about and the cycle continues. DH's carelessness, not listening and failure to remember simple tasks is somewhat of a sticking point in our relationship so I don't know if that is compounding the issue.