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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how to support someone in a life changing event.

14 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 09/03/2021 22:29

It’s looking very likely that my DD8 will go
Through an amputation of her leg, at the moment she doesn’t know any different but I don’t know how to proceed with this
How to tell her. What I need to do. I’m panicking about our house ( we are in the process of selling )
I am worried she will feel like she can’t do things she could before.
It is such a big change and I just don’t know how to approach it :(

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 09/03/2021 22:32

I'm so sorry to hear about your DD's leg.

I have no idea, but perhaps there are some support charities that can advise?

MumW · 09/03/2021 22:40

Surely, if/when this happens you'll both get support from the hospital.
Sorry that you are going through such a tough situation.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 09/03/2021 22:44

@MumW I’m aware she will get support / physio but from previous health issues I also know that sometimes although they know the medical effects it’s not the same as going through it.
I’m just asking if anyone has been through similar.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 09/03/2021 23:48

Would it possibly be worth seeing if the meningitis UK helpline could come up with any suggestions? I know there's some info on their website about children with amputations because of sepsis.

www.meningitis.org/get-support/get-support

justilou1 · 09/03/2021 23:51

I'm sure the medical staff will be able to help you with that, too.

CoRhona · 10/03/2021 00:30

No advice but Flowers

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 10/03/2021 01:12

I think I would be as "matter of fact" as I could. Stay calm ( I know, easier said than done!) And just talk to her. Answer her questions, if you don't know, say so, and find out together. Act as though it's, not exactly minor, but as though it will all be ok. This isn't the end of the world, she will be able to do anything she wants to do, it just might take a while to get back to "normal".
If you are calm and collected (even when you're bricking it inside) chances are, she will be.
(I say this as this is how we are currently dealing with my youngest son being diagnosed with a progressive, incurable condition. It's not that he doesn't know he is ill,we are just trying to reassure him that it can be ok, and we will be there and deal with whatever we have to deal with iyswim)

junebirthdaygirl · 10/03/2021 05:22

That's an extremely difficult situation for you and your dd. Wonder is there any way of contacting other families. I am in lreland and this Christmas on The Late Late . toy show that happens on TV every year there was a little girl who had had the same operation. She was speaking very openly about it. I was just wondering would there be a way online of you contacting parents like that.
It's heartbreaking that you have to have that conversation.
No doubt there will be trained professionals at the hospital who will lead you in this but knowing even one other mom that has gone through it would be a support.

Monty27 · 10/03/2021 05:45

OP I'm really sorry to hear this. It's probably going to be the bravest thing you'll ever have to do.
Virtual hugs to you all and sending you strength 💐

justilou1 · 10/03/2021 06:02

The hospital probably has specialist counselors or social workers trained to help you broach that subject

Docketpuo · 10/03/2021 06:04

Oh my, you poor thing. I'm so sorry. I agree with pp, stay calm and matter of fact about it. Don't let her believe she will be limited by it!

BiddyPop · 10/03/2021 08:37

There was a young girl on last year's Late Late Toy Show in Ireland who had had an amputation and who was just getting going on her prosthetic. It might be worth trying to get the interview on YouTube or the RTÉ player, just to see her positivity.

You could always try to make contact through RTÉ if you thought it helpful. As I am sure her DM would at least know where to go for the kind of support you're looking for.

ElizaLaLa · 10/03/2021 09:38

I can't help with how you should support your dd but have a look at Amanda Sullivan's page on Facebook. Show it to your dd maybe. She's a proper inspiration aand hasn't let her amputations hold her back at all.

LeopardPrintKnickers · 10/03/2021 09:46

Oh OP, this must be so incredibly hard for you to deal with, let alone when it comes to telling your DD.

I don't have any experience of this, but look up Billy Monger - he was the teenager who lost both his legs in a racing accident. He's remarkable - has been positive from the outset about what he will be able to do and not letting things hold him back, despite this being a set back to his dreams of being an F1 driver.

I know it's easier said than done, but showing a positive outlook for your daughter is going to be key. Tough as it will be, try and cry in private, and show her that while it's OK to show emotion and be upset about what this means, this absolutely won't hold her back, stop her being her, or achieving her goals. Show her lots of people who have had this happen to normalise it, if you can - Adam Hills is a great example. If it's not offered by the hospital, definitely look into private counselling for her so she can process what's happening in her own way and at her own pace.

Good luck OP, and while you're looking after her, remember to look after you too - this is a big thing for you all. Sending love

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