Or are our friends? Covid support.

[Homeschoolsoutforsummer]

Hello just wondering who is being unreasonable here. I’ll try to keep it to the point.

We have a 4 year old DD and 11 month old DS. We originally bubbled with my parents (2 hours away) when support bubbles were allowed as we have no family nearby. Since then my sister has moved 10 minutes down the road.

Our friends John and Jane live 5 mins away and we are very good friends- pre covid met up a lot and they have babysat for us for our older DC etc. They suggested us rebubbling with them as a support bubble as we rarely saw my parents anyway due to distance and they could offer more support. Just for info Jane is pregnant and expecting first baby this summer. DH was keen to bubble with them rather than rebubble with my sister as we have seen more of my family and as he’s good friends with John would get more out of it IYSWIM so I was happy with that- we meet my sister for walks etc alone.

Since then whenever I ask if they are free they are always busy decorating the house. At weekends they are having family to stay regularly (we are in England lockdown) but if we ever meet anyone outside as per rules (1 adult with 1 adults, kids all under school age) they say they feel uncomfortable as Jane is pregnant.

What do I do? A support bubble is meant to be for us but we aren’t getting anything out of it as they’re busy doing what they want and expect us to sit at home alone waiting for them to be free? I want to say let’s forget it and I’ll see my sister instead as we will actually get support from her. At the moment I’m not seeing anyone and could really do with the bubble as have PND and often struggle with the two.

What would you do? Am I unreasonable? Also- I’m sorry I know you’re not meant to swap bubbles but we saw my parents twice in 6 months so I wanted to change as they weren’t able to off the the support (still working and far away). Thanks.

YANBU wait 2 weeks since you last saw Jane and John and then bubble with your sister.

Thanks @Tianatiers. I feel nervous telling them (silly I know).

Can you have a support bubble for general support and babysitting in that situation? (Genuine question not a dig or trying to be covid police).

Just wait and rebubble. If it’s always just say your sister is struggling so you want to be able to support her.

@AIMD my understanding is you can have a support bubble and separately a childcare bubble but we don’t really need a childcare bubble to be honest as both kids in nursery on my working days and with nothing to do it’s rare I need them looking after while I’m busy other times!

It sounds like they don't really want to bubble with you. Which is fine but they should have told you if that's the case.

Is DD in nursery or childcare?

What do you mean when you say the bubble is supposed to be for you? Do you mean for your benefit/to support you? She might not have the headspace for that right now if she's pregnant and they're trying to decorate their house.

I think you can be honest and say that you need the support and your sister can offer it. Or as @AIMD said you could flip it and say your sister needs your support if you feel awkward about it.

@WombatWomb yeah I think they wanted to bubble as they’d then get to see us and have some social contact but they are still seeing people anyway so it doesn’t make much difference. And yes I think they’re now just on the downhill slope to baby and can’t think of anything else (which is fair enough).

Ahh that's probably the answer.

If both kids are in childcare then they probably don't want to risk being around them while she's pregnant. I wouldn't want to be around 2 toddlers in nursery/childcare if I was pregnant, too much risk of covid transmission or other germy illnesses.

I suppose so but then why would you be having all different family over to sleep over? And agree to bubble in the first place? I feel like our feelings have been completely disregarded by close friends.

When you say they are having different family to stay over, are you meaning they are breaching the lockdown rules? In which case, from their point of view, they’re not really in a bubble with you and they don’t sound that bothered anyway, so why are you worried about telling them? Just rebubble with your sister and enjoy the company.

Yeah @Retrievemysanity. I think you’re right I’ll just do that 👍🏼

Perhaps they didn’t really understand what you meant by being in a bubble OP, as they don’t seem to have any kind of grasp of the situation and what’s actually allowed.

Given they're seeing everyone and anyone, I'd just bubble with your sis and not mention it until they do - oh sorry, it's been months since we saw you so assumed you'd bubbled elsewhere.