To be angry/upset H messaged his ex back on FB?

[LadyOfWaffle]

Considering she tried to split us with [retending to be pregnant, then a convenient miscarriage (twice), has tried to trap him into having a baby in the past and called me all sorts of names which was fair enought because we moved on. But she messaged and he eagerly replied despite saying he never would if she did - AIBU? Should I let it go? All I can say is "I am not ironing your shirt".

What did she say and what did he reply back?

In the light of your history you are not being unreasonable.

I recently swapped messages with an ex on facebook, we were good friends long after we split up but then he got married (I'd met dh) and he stopped contacting me. After a couple of messages he said he couldn't accept me as a friend as his wife wouldn't like it. I was really fed up, we were good mates, we are both happily married and probably won't meet up, but it would be nice to stay in touch. dh didn't mind.

She said something like hello how are you and he replied to that and asked how her mum and dad was. It's esculated (sp?) now, can't think whether I am over reacting, I have lost all sense of reason etc. being depressed, forget how a 'normal' person would/should react.

Unsurprising that you feel a bit uncomfortable about this, but it would be a bad idea to forbid him to contact the woman. FOrbidding people to do anything is always a bad idea. YOu r best bet igyht be to show a friendly interest in how she's getting along ' poor XP, she's such a mess, what kind of trouble is she in now? Ooh, has she straightened herself out? How nice' ie be gently patronising about her and extra nice to DH.

I'd be uncomfortable, especially considering past events. Methinks this woman is out to cause trouble.

How is she an ex if she was claiming pregnancies whilst you were together? Or have I got that wrong?

I can't be like that, I just get angry (not outwardly) that he lets her get away with all the things she said/done and she's probably grinning like the Cheshire Cat at the PC that he messaged back. It's bad enough the MIL has her added after she stole from then and what she put her son through. I wish I could be the whole "honey catches more flies" thing, but I can't. After everything he's done it makes me so paranoid - if the house was cleaner would he message her? If I was a better wife? Is he now going to realise why he was with her for 6 years and treated her better than me?

3 months after we got together he got a letter saying she was pregnant - so obviously she was over 3 months pregnant checking all the dates. Questioned her about it (I knew she was lying and oh, the next morning she miscarried getting on a train. No hospital, no GP, no doctor, no scan pics. And he got a phone call while they were together saying she had miscarried - after an arguement or something? She didn't say she was PG, no evidence, she said she was infertile so she must have been trying to have to go for tests, which H didn't know - he just thought she had always known she was like always knowing you had eczema or something. She said that so they would always have unprotected sex... H didn't know any better.

YANBU but it seems to me there's an awful lot more at issue here between you and your H beyond his messaging this woman on FB.. .. That's just symptomatic of your feelings of mistrust and unhappiness. How would he react if you had an ex on your friends list?

My DH has his ex on his friends list even though he never sees her. I'm not bothered - well, a bit when I saw how gorgeous she is. But nonetheless, I'm not concerned because I don't feel threatened by her and I trust him.

LOW I think your DH is being thoughtless at the very least and a shit at worst.

I would explain to him that he chose to be with you, he is married to you and he is having a baby with you, and you find it upsetting and disrespectful that he is talking to her.

I think you must tell him that he must block her and stop upsetting you.

He got the hint - he feels like a wally now, he says he isn't sure why he did it (!!?) It's done now, not much I can do about it - I tried to see if you can unsend the message (like AOL emails) but I don't think you can. Just another thing to worry about now I guess.

I read this as dh massaged his ex's back on FB and was wondering what fb was...

As you were