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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish my ex would see our child

6 replies

emilys1982 · 09/03/2021 00:39

I'm at the end of my tether with my ex. For the last year he has pretty much refused to have our daughter. We used to alternate weekends but since the pandemic started his new partner has refused to allow our daughter to visit, except on a couple of occasions. They had a new baby in August so I understand they were nervous. But throughout the pregnancy they set false deadlines for resuming contact and have continued to do that since. We finally had a breakthrough when they agreed to resume having her every other weekend. My daughter came back on Sunday night so delighted to have spent time with her baby bro. It was lovely to see. As far as she is aware, she will be going back every other weekend. I've heard tonight that they are nervous again as she is back at school and won't allow her to come unless she takes a lateral flow test with a negative result immediately before each visit. I am just stunned that they have backtracked yet again. It has happened so many times and I've made clear that she is not to be messed around. I am not sure how I feel about enforced testing. She is primary age so not being routinely tested and that is for a reason. I'm not sure I want her to go through that every time. Also I don't think she can even get tested on the NHS due to her age. Her dad has not paid any maintenance for a year, which I've been understanding about. But if he can suddenly find the equivalent money for unnecessary tests I don't think I will be happy! At the end of the day, I just don't want to see my daughter's hopes raised then dashed. It is me who picks up the pieces every time but ultimately it is just not fair on her. Any advice welcome!

OP posts:
FireflyRainbow · 09/03/2021 00:58

Left to his own thing without your input I unfortunately don't think he would see your child op. Baby obviously comes first now. It's very sad, he's a total prick.

Eteri · 09/03/2021 01:03

He is one of THOSE sperm donors fathers. Just forget him, send him off to war and stop mentioning him. Your daughter will soon forget him for the lack of substance he adds in her life.

emilys1982 · 09/03/2021 01:08

Thanks ladies. It just makes me so sad that she adores him and he is such a let down. But hey I guess in the long term you reap what you sow and all that. Appreciate the replies

OP posts:
Crikeycroc · 09/03/2021 01:22

Sorry OP, it sounds like his new child is his priority now. Wanker. Can I ask why you are not receiving child support? I would apply to CMS and get the ball rolling.
If the stepparent boards are anything to go by unfortunately it seems that the step mum is often doing the grunt work of caring for step kids and when they have their own baby and are unwilling to do it anymore the useless dad doesn’t bother.

emilys1982 · 09/03/2021 01:30

Thanks for your reply. Oh gosh! I'm not getting child support as we've had an informal arrangement which he has mostly honoured for years. He is a personal trainer so I've been understanding that he has had no income the last year. Also he has an older son from a previous relationship who I was step mum to, and his mum has very little. I'm in a comparatively better situation than she is and I've always said she should be paid before me. That's me being realistic but also wanting my step son to be ok as I adore him. But right now I am considering legal routes but not sure what it would achieve. At the end of the day I care more about my daughter having a relationship with her dad than the money, but I don't think a court can teach parental responsibility, sigh

OP posts:
Aprilx · 09/03/2021 06:40

I think a parent asking their own child to take a lateral test is an absolute disgrace. What if they were a resident parent, would they hand the child over to the authorities? No of course not, if your child has covid you deal with it.

I wouldn’t force the relationship, I’d let him make all the moves now.

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