Please help- not sure how to approach this

[Jodielaa]

Had to NC as it could be very outing and have many friends who use MN.
I’m kinda posting for traffic but also because i’m not sure how to approach the situation i’m in.

Basically, I lost my father quite tragically a few years back. Since then, my mother has gradually been drinking more and more alcohol.
At first, it would be a few glasses of wine at night time a few days a week, then it slowly got worse to the point she now drinks between 1-2 bottles of wine EVERY night. She’s even drove after having a drink before.
I’ve tried to support her, be there for her and told her how it makes us all feel. However she gets quite defensive and immediately says “i’ve been at work” “i’ve nowt else to do” “i don’t have a problem”
This is my Aibu- I feel like telling her how selfish she is, I feel like i’m watching her slowly kill herself, putting her and others at danger. But i feel though she will get worse by me doing this. I had read up online and it says to just be supportive and i am and always have been but surely it can’t keep going on like this. I can’t.

I just don’t know what to do i really don’t but this is killing me and i feel so helpless. Any advice would be great. Thanks

Yes definitely i agree. I really feel for them as they have to live with it and see it daily. Whereas i get too “escape”. I know it must be awful for them. It’s just a crap situation to be honest. I don’t think anything will ever get her to change now. We have literally tried everything and i just don’t have the energy mentally to keep trying to make her do something she’s obviously not ready to do. Part of me sympathises what she went through with my fathers passing and cannot even imagine how she kept going. However on the other hand i feel anger. Like why are we not enough sort of thing, we need her! Sorry for the long post. It’s taking it’s toll on my own mental health at the moment and at abit of a crossroads.

Awww, it sounds like you have a good awareness of what's what here, this is the place for you to offload.
The situation is a marathon not a sprint, if this is taking its toll take a step back for a bit... It's exhausting banging your head against a brick wall. It might be less draining to focus on something else entirely out something which reasons positively and actually makes a difference like lifting your siblings out of the house now and again to give them some respite and commiserate together. You've all lost your dad too, have they had chance to grieve while she's disappeared down this black hole? Maybe you could remember him together so his passing isn't just tied up with this problem. (Possibly completely patronising to suggest this, you've probably done plenty of this). I suppose I'm trying to say it's ok to step back, or focus on something constructive, it doesn't have to be a permanent stance. Later when you are feeling better, you could judge what next

I have no idea what the status of a 17 year old would be but would social services offer them support as they are a minor?