Are you a better parent to one child than the other(s)?

[GoodMumBadMum]

I have 2 children, 3 years apart in age.

With DS1, I went to all the baby classes and made all his (organic) meals from scratch, did everything by the book.

DS2 was born in lockdown so hasn't been to any baby classes, he's had jars/pouches of baby food or scraps off my plate mushed up with a fork, and has had so little 1-2-1 attention because nursery has been closed for DS1 so my attention is always divided.

I feel like DS1 had a much better mum than DS2 has had.

Conversely, my friend thinks she's a better mum the second time around - more relaxed and confident.

If you have more than one child, do you think that you have been a better parent the first time around or the second (or third, fourth, fifth etc.)?

YABU - I've been an equally good parent each time
YANBU - I've been a better parent to one child than my other(s)

Parents always have more time for the first child than they do with the second.
Unless the kids are born with a big age gap

Don't beat yourself up about it.

They say....

1st child eats dirt... trip to a and e

2nd child eats dirt.... wash mouth out look for signs of tummy upset...

3rd child eats dirt.... do they even need tea?

I have twins... I feel like I am more patient with one than the other. She is kinder and sensitive I feel guilty that this does sometimes colour my view. I love them both obvs ...

I found parenting a baby easier the second time, but now they’re older I’m sure I’m a better parent to one than the other, simply because of personalities. One is harder work than the other and therefore I don’t feel as if I do as good a job with that child.

I parent my child with SEN better because I have to. My other child i parent as well as i can but he takes on a young carer role sometimes and sometimes i cant be as responsive as id like. Its a sadness

I’m a different parent. I adore them both but they do by necessity have to be treated differently sometimes. They’re incredibly different people (one has ASD), with different needs, different personalities and living in different circumstances to the other at the same age. Sometimes one gets better, sometimes the other, it evens out over time. I do the best I can for each of them at each particular stage and that’ll just have to be ok. I’m good enough. Compared to the vast majority of children through human history they both lead an utterly lovely life, equal access to organic vegetables, 1 to 1 attention and music classes or not.

Thanks for the replies. I think lockdown has just compounded my feelings really, and just when things get back to normal, I'll have to leave DS2 and go back to work. Think I'm feeling crap about the wider situation as much as the differences I have provided.

I have 3, and I’ve been a better parent to each one than the previous one. Because I’m older and more experienced and I’ve learned a lot from the other two. Still far from perfect though!

I think it depends on the situation as my two dc swop around. One has SEN and outside of his symptoms so to speak is quieter and more thoughtful and a worrier. Ds2 is neuro typical and loud and energetic but resilient and unutterably kind. So I find for example with the home schooling I did far far better with ds1 but with change and upheaval and the emotional aspect of ...well anything. I find it easier with ds2 and I worry that it shows that I am finding it easier in different situations.

Which promptly leads me to try and overcompensate and switch it thevother way around.

DP was actually a huge help when I tie myself in knots ove this and reminds me that my dc know without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved more than they could imagine and liked and we have fun and that its OK to be human.

I need reminding of that alot because I constantly feel guilty for short hanging one or the other in some way....ergh everytime I swear off mum guilt I break!

I was a very very involved parent with DD1, she had the best clothes, masses of activities, swim classes and constant attention. I was also a lot harder on her in terms of behaviour as I didn’t really have any experience of kids and so my expectations were way off. I now have 4 including a set of twins and I’m now a single parent. I am very chill with my younger ones, benign neglect would describe my current parenting style. They don’t get the benefit of constant classes or attention as money is tight and I work full time, but they are growing up with less anxiety and much more resilience than DD1. I think on balance I’m a better parent now if the goal of parenting is to raise independent, capable children. I feel bad for DD1; she had more material things and more time with me, but also a mother who didn’t have a clue what she was doing.

I think I've been a better parent to each at different times. I think I was a better parent to the eldest when she was a baby because I had more time and she was an easier baby so just all went a bit more smoothly. However her sister didnt sleep and I was probably awful to her when she was a toddler as I was so knackered from trying to look after a non sleeping baby, and we ended up having to be at home a lot for a strict napping schedule etc. So I think the youngest has had better toddler years with more outings etc and because she is definitely my last child I am probably appreciating the toddler years a bit more, and end up laughing at tantrums etc whereas with the eldest I would be stressing out because it would wake the baby etc.

I am a much better parent to DC3 than DC1, with DC2 somewhere in the middle. More confident, more knowledgeable, less intense parenting. Less time, sure, but they gain from having siblings around that the eldest didn't.
Having DC3 has made me a better parent for everyone actually.
Dont guilt yourself, no two children can ever have exactly the same life experience.

Ds1 is much harder work and I struggle to parent him at times due to his additional needs. It's a good job that Dh is absolutely brilliant with him and steps in when I'm struggling.
Parenting ds2 is a breeze and always has been. He's a very easy child.