To be a bit upset for my DH

[Cakecakeandmorecake]

Hi everyone,

I just need a bit of advice please.

I’ll keep it as short as I can. My Grandad in law recently passed away and my DH wrote a card for his funeral to go on the coffin. It is a lovely message with a few inside jokes on it. My MIL phoned today to say let’s take one of the jokes off as her DD wouldn’t have liked it. I completely understand what she is saying but my DH really wants to keep the message as it is but she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

I honestly think he should be able to keep the card as it is but AIBU?

For a bit of background info, me and my MIL don’t like each other but are on good terms. She has been snappy recently (but I'm not responding to it with everything going on) I think if it was about my message, I wouldn’t have minded so, I don’t think it clouding my judgement. My DH seemed a little bit upset over it.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed/upset by this? Please be honest, thank you

@HotPenguin we have just found out it’s on the flowers. DH didn’t know that when writing it to be fair. We both thought it was going inside the coffin. He is going to remove it. Just keeps everyone as happy as then can be in this situation. He has thought about it and said that’s best. He seemed a bit disappointing but not too bothered by it if that makes sense. Seems like it’s the best thing to do.

@Youseethethingis that’s what we thought it was but apparently it’s going on the flowers so, just going to remove it.

She was dropping it off at the church. Didn’t think she would read it to be honest but probably best she did so no surprises on what will be a hard day.

@GreenSlide I agree. Now we know it will be on display, we will just remove it rather than upsetting MIL. We would never want to hurt their relationship. So definitely best it’s removed. I’m just glad DH has had some time to think and now we have all the info, can agree it’s the best plan.

@Theunamedcat it’s what’s important and represents them in some way isn’t it. I think now DH knows it will be on display and not inside like we originally thought, we will just remove the joke. He is still writing a lovely note for him grandad so, it’s all okay in the end thankfully. No upset caused at what would already be a hard time for everyone. Thank you for your help though! Everyone’s comments are appreciated

I hope the day goes as well as it can xx

@user1493494961 aw, thank you for your kind words. It’s much appreciated. We are dreading it a little but I think it will give some much needed comfort to everyone. And closure of course. Xx

I would remove it. The man is no longer alive, he can’t read it, and if anything is written that causes offence or upsets any of the bereaved, specifically his immediate family it should be removed. They are the ones who will read it, not the deceased.

He should respect her wishes and remove it. This is not something he should be causing further upset over. The man is dead. He cannot see or read the card.

@Bluntness100 please read the other posts (just mine, also not saying that in a snippy way). The situation has changed and all has been resolved. It also really wasn’t anything offensive or upsetting in the first place. They were very close so DH would never do that. As said, it’s all been resolved and we have spoken to MIL today. The subject didn’t even come up so, no long term upset caused thankfully.