To question how our routine is going to work when everything opens back up?

[ashrosea]

I'm sitting here playing in the living room with my 10 month old daughter. We've been for our morning walk at our normal time, she's had her afternoon nap in her cot at her normal time and now we are getting ready to eat dinner at her normal time before daddy finishes work and then the evening routine starts. This has been her life and she's known nothing else...

I was just thinking to myself how is she going to cope when we start going to meet family a long distance away, or the weddings we've got planned later in the year, or if we want a day trip to the zoo??

I'm a first time mom, I've no idea how we adapt to naps on the move and meal times out and worst of all evenings spent away from home and her not going to bed at a set time!

She’ll be absolutely fine, babies adapt so well. You can still keep her normal routine. You sound like the one who is going to have trouble adjusting.

Well it depends a lot on the baby.
Naps - either start driving at nap time or take the buggy/pram with you.
If youve got a big day out have low expectations and dont plan anything for the next day.
With weddings I would think the noise might be an issue at first as she simply wont be used to it. But there will be lots of people desperate for their 5 minutes with the baby so she'll get lots of attention.
Pack some food you know she'll eat and have extra clothes for you both.

It will be ok. You can try and plan it so they are in the car or buggy at nap times so they can sleep or you change things around. We went to a wedding when ds was 14 months old and he crashed out in the buggy at his normal bedtime. Now the dc are older we would leave at youngest's bedtime and younger dc would fall asleep in the car.

Human beings are massively adaptable from birth. That's the point of intelligence! It may seem a little weird at first if the routine has been very stable, but she'll be in the swing of it in no time. On the downside, she will be talking away very soon, and will therefore be able to let you know in no uncertain terms where she wants to go and when!

But your routine will change anyway as she gets older.
Afternoon naps won’t be forever. Then there will be play groups and nursery and before you know it she will be starting reception.

We were talking about this recently. We went into lockdown when baby was 7/8 months old and we’d had zero routine till then (far too busy being here there and everywhere at all the baby groups in a 50 mild radius).
A year later she’s in a relatively strict routine just because when you have fuck all to do, you fall into a daily drudge.
I’m looking forward to getting back to having no routine - not like she sleeps anyway!

I can see why it's a bit daunting but you'll figure it out.

A lot will depend on you and your priorities and on your little one. We prioritise the routine because we cannot be bothered to deal with disrupted sleep. We worked hard and sleep trained to get ours in a good routine and we aren't interested in messing with that for a day out. So we schedule things around naps (e.g. driving during nap time) and we stick to bedtime and just miss out sometimes on socialising or sometimes get a babysitter.

My brother and sis in law keep theirs up late and deal with it if that results in broken sleep or whatever. Their choice and priorities and they're happy.

Over the next few months your baby will turn into a toddler. Their routine will naturally change as they get older anyway... Frequently.

Change isn't necessarily bad.

Some people babies do need routine more than others. You'll find that for your own benefit, as mich as hers you work things so she can nap in the pram and eat at regular time. We found with DS1, from very early toddlerhood, that you couldn't easily spring changes to his routine on him, but he was flexible enough if you warned him in advance.

You'll be fine

They nap in buggies, they sleep in the car. You'll learn that's it's usually better to avoid a long sleep in the car late afternoon if you all want an early night!

But even if she does sleep in the car.. so what? She'll sleep later. It's usually more the parents who don't cope well with the change of routine, not the child

I hated the restrictive strict early bedtime routine many parents around me chose.

I wanted to have a life and not stop everything for the first 4 or 5 years.

On the upside, I didn't have toddlers and young children waking us up at 5 or 6am and we had proper evenings.

But you are still free to do what you prefer. When you go back to work after maternity leave, you have to change the routine anyway.

Babies are portable and their routines change over time anyway.

Much easier doing all of these with babies than with school age children who are tied to a school routine.

Things may be more different than in other years, as most people would have broken a routine from quite early on, but as being in lockdown has meant very little going out and meeting people, babies may take a little longer to adapt

Well some of my friends choose to decline any such invitation or activity in case the routine was disrupted. Far better to get them used to napping in pram or car imo.

@goodbyelenin

I hated the restrictive strict early bedtime routine many parents around me chose.

I wanted to have a life and not stop everything for the first 4 or 5 years.

On the upside, I didn't have toddlers and young children waking us up at 5 or 6am and we had proper evenings.

But you are still free to do what you prefer. When you go back to work after maternity leave, you have to change the routine anyway.

We found (pre covid) that early bedtimes actually made it much easier to have a life - we could put the kids to bed, get a babysitter and go out to the theatre or whatever. Our friends with kids with later bedtimes struggle more to get out as their kids get upset at being left.

The funny thing is that I had the opposite thought ("how are we going to deal with having nothing to do?") when we went into lockdown with my then 18 month (now 2.5 year) old. We had a loose routine, but stayed flexible so that we could get out and about.

I think the answer is that you adapt to circumstances, as long as you are willing to (and within reason, I realise some babies and parents need routine more than others).

Cars and prams are great for naps. You get used to carrying a spare bib etc for meals out and getting your baby/toddler ready for bed before travelling home so that you can transfer straight from car seat to cot.

It sounds like you've done well to establish a good routine - having a baby in a pandemic and not being able to access the normal support network that new mums have, and have family support, must be really tough. (I dont know how I would have coped with babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers during lockdown)

As pp have said as babies grow, their routine naturally changes. When you start weaning for example you make tweaks to feeding patterns, and as they get bigger and more active you might incorporate more activity or time outside, to wear them out.
All the things you list are things you potentially have control over - they arent all going to happen on day 1. See how you get on with meeting friends outside or going out at a different time and trying to encourage a nap in the car or pushchair. Maybe see how you go with half a day trip to a farm or a zoo, rather than full days if you're not sure how DD will be. You will naturally become more flexible about when and where naps happen when you want to go out and do things.

I found that with my DC often they would only nap in the car or pushchair and I felt aggrieved that I never got to enjoy the "free" time a nap at home would have enabled. (Although admittedly driving with a sleeping baby is infinitely easier than driving with a screaming or whingy one!)

I absolutely loved life when ds was 10 months! Popped along to a lovely baby group or rhyme time whenever he wasn't napping or had a play date. Life was bliss and I miss it dearly. Please try and look forward to what's to come, I think you and your child will really enjoy it.

Mine napped in their cots. I loved it cos I got that time at home to do my own thing and didn’t have to be driving or walking or holding them the whole time. Downside was it was restrictive, but that might be one or 2 days a month v the other 30 days of routine and a nice 2 hour break for me

To be honest my kids were flexible enough to take a nap in the car or the buggy if we were on a day out. It was rarely as good as a nap at home, but it got them through and they’d go to bed a bit early or catch up the next day. My second child definitely napped more on the go as that was just the nature of life with 2.

Trips away and weddings etc. We either took a travel cot and a baby monitor and it was like home, or just kept them up a bit late if it was an hour or so after bedtime, or once we walked DS round in his pram at a party until he fell asleep and then just parked him in a corner.

Most kids are relatively flexible and will just make up the sleep another time.

Oooh, I loved it when my little one was that age. We went to a morning playgroup most days then she fell asleep in the pram on the way home and often slept the afternoon away until it was time to pick up her older brothers from school. I watched loads of Netflix, it was lovely! To be honest I’ve never worried about keeping her awake if she wanted to sleep in the car or pram (until she hit a bit older and a nap put bedtime back to 11pm) and if she was still happily awake (or asleep) at relatives houses in evenings then I was happy to stay there until I could see she was getting grumpy and needed to leave. With two older siblings she spent her first two years being brought to various activities that they were doing and she was either awake or asleep but I didn’t particularly try to get her to do either of those things.

Thanks for all the replies they certainly paint a positive picture of what's to come!

I guess my apprehension is down to the fact she was a terrible terrible sleeper for the first 8 months of her life and we've battled so hard to get into a routine where now she has a lovely 2 hour afternoon nap and only wakes up once a night ( which is a million times better than the 6 or 7 wakings we used to have!) and I just worry we are going to go back to square one!

But don't get me wrong I'm so excited to make memories with her and take her along to the baby classes that we've never been able to do! It's very exciting at the same time!

But i totally agree with you all, she will be at nursery just after she turns one so... yeah life is going to change for her! We will adapt. A few sleepless nights will be worth the extra freedom

@ashrosea just make sure you’re joke for nap. My routine is this (lockdown or no lockdown as we still go to the park)
6am wake
6.30/7 breakfast
9.30am out the house for park or whatever
11am home
11.30/12 lunch
12.30-3 nap
3.30-4.30 afternoon outing.

I’ve done this with both my kids before and during lockdown. I can’t give up the 2 hour nap during the day! Another tip is to give lunch out so you can just go straight to nap when you’re home.

Make sure you’re home*

By that age mine didn’t really nap in the morning (maybe in the car on the way somewhere) and we almost always went somewhere in the morning then home for lunch and cot nap in the afternoon. They would nap in a buggy or car, but usually later in the afternoon and not for as long, if we occasionally went on a day trip. My biggest problem was keeping them awake on the drive/buggy home because if they got a five minute snooze before lunch then the nap and the rest of the day went out the window. I’d be driving in January with the car windows right down, singing loudly and tickling them at every traffic light stop.