To go NC for this?

[Ginqueen20]

My sister sent me a text message that our mother had sent her this weekend.
It said ‘I am glad lockdown means we can’t visit G (me) because her house is a filthy dump I’m scared to touch anything’.
We have a very difficult relationship where she has bullied and manipulated me all of my life and I feel like this is the final straw.
My house is not a dump, it’s by no means immaculate because it’s lived in and I have children and pets. It is hygienic and tidy at all times despite working a full time job I never miss a day.
I’m really offended she would become personal for no reason like that and tell people I don’t clean my house. I’m embarrassed to admit it made me cry. I’m now paranoid all of my family think this and that I’m judged every time they visit (pre lockdown). It may sound tit for tat but she has openly admitted she doesn’t vacuum, and with 5 dogs there is hair everywhere and we have to change clothes when we get home, so she is being a hypocrite. My sister doesn’t agree with it but her arms are tied, she is easily manipulated by her and won’t stand up to her.
What would you do in this situation and am I over reacting by cutting ties?

Hey @Ginqueen20
Firstly sorry this has happend

But secondly was does your sister hope to achieve by sharing this with you to deliberately upset you??

I'd be giving the pair of them a wide berth until one of them contacts you when you've had time to think

Thanks for your reply. My sister and I are very close so it wasn’t sent to me maliciously. We always tell each other every thing even the bad stuff. It isn’t the first time I have known of messages from her but they are usually milder than this, something negative about my outfit or hair style which I can let slide. I am glad she told me so I’m not blissfully unaware of what my mother thinks of me though. I have never known a parent to gossip about their own child like they were an enemy and it’s hurtful.

I would just steer clear.
My MIL said something similar about me, to family, years ago.
We were baffled, as I’m regularly teased by my friends about my cleaning/laundry obsession. I also cried, out of embarrassment. I still feel that shame now, all those years on.
I once caught the very same MIL wiping my DD’s (then a baby) face with the dishcloth she’d just cleaned the worktops with. She also shouted at me after she caught me cleaning the downstairs loo, following a party at her house that had been attended by approx 70 people. I thought it was entirely reasonable to clean the loo and change the towels after that amount of use but she thought I was fussing!!
People say weird and nasty things that are totally nonsensical, just because they can.
She’s trying to pick a fight and your sister is facilitating this.
So just don’t rise to it. Roll your eyes and think about something else. It’s hard but your sanity will thank you for it!!
My dear old Nanna used to say “well you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family”. Sadly, for some of us, that rings very true!

I think it was horrible of your sister to share that with you. What did she hope to achieve? She should be protecting the people she loves not dividing them.

Ok, sorry....cross post. I see you say you’re close to your sister and you believe there was no malice intended. Your sister may be scared of her.
In which case, I would just start to ignore your mother.

My MIL gossips about my DH and I all the time. Has done for 20 years. She has two “golden DC” and my DH is on the outer edge. He’s successful and independent; doesn’t ask them for their help or opinions and they clearly resent this. It’s facilitated by his brother. Another brother is scared of them all and often repeats things that are said.

I was horrified when my MIL first gossiped about DH. It came to light because she gossiped to my own DM, prior to our wedding. My DM thought she was an odd and disloyal woman and always pitied my DH as a result. We couldn’t understand her making such hurtful and inane comments. We eventually put it down to some weird jealousy.

Over the years, she’s done it more times than I can count and it’s now often targeted at me too. It often weaves it’s way back to us. I manage her by being civil where absolutely necessary. We don’t visit her and occasionally drop my DD to visit her. My DH won’t have her in the house, which does help but to be honest, she doesn’t want to come here anyway, so we’ve never had to refuse her coming to the house!
My DD has little time for this side of the family, as she is now old enough to call out the bad behaviour. Your mother will find there are consequences, so just be strong and don’t let her get to you.