I am pretty sure I am not BU but here for traffic and a general vent.
Long story short I met exH when i was in my teens. He was 11 years older and we were together just short of 16 years and married 7 of them. 4 DC's all his. He was a heavy drinker on and off all those years and my co dependency desire to keep the family together and fear of being alone plus i loved him deeply kept me there far far too long. There was violence for some of those years and he was charged on one occassion with assault, cautioned another time for assault, received a drink driving ban , and after we split up (he came home and attacked me one night drunk ) he began to stalk and harrass me. Cautioned for that and Womens aid helped me getting a non mol.
He was living with family 45 mins away from us all (i stayed in the rented family home, kept the kids in their schools, brought a car for us as he demanded the family one back using death threats) In short I kept my shit together alongside 18 months of counselling and kept stability for them.
Since he moved out 3 years ago hes never had them overnight except for a 7 day holiday abroad (i had no legal grounds to stop him taking them - i looked into it ) he got drunk with them there and threatened two of the children . I have evidence of it all and he will NEVER take my children away with him again. I will persue via the courts if there is ever a suggestion of a next time.
i started a new job last year (very demanding role but a dream job - think emergency services / prison staff etc ) He was furloughed for many months and I asked him to provide some childcare whilst I was at work as I was at the time relying on a family member to help me out. He refused said he wasnt doing me any favours and to put the kids into care if I lost my job and couldnt pay the rent!
Apparently in the May he met someone online and in January he moved 2 hours drive away to live with her and her child! My kids havent met her yet. Christmas he tried to cause waves bwteeen me and teenage son saying i wouldnt let him see them at christmas (complete lie and i have the texts to proove it ) due to cold weather lockdown and nothing being open and him having nowhere at the time to take them to see them I said he could see them at my house. He refused. I even said I would go out (He refused) he put up as many obstacles as possible all the while blaming me and being the eternal victim)
He last saw them on January 3rd. has not asked to since. Cos Covid!!! Heres the sickener hes not phoned the children or facetimed in all that time either. Eldest son has mobile so he wouldnt have to go through me. Hes not text eldest son since February 20th.
Its his loss and the kids hardly ask about him BUT i am so absolutely fucked off with it. I work nights and do a 77 hour week. week on week off. juggling 4 kids, a home, bills (all the stuff mums do I know. I am not asking for a medal or anything - as I say I am venting) whilst that individual is living with someone else and her child, she knows nothing of his past. Goodness knows what his family all make of it. They cut me off when we split and brought into his victim stance despite knowing full well what hes like. His parents do facetime the kids once a week / fortnight. They havent once contacted me to ask if we are all ok, need any help or support or anything but it is what it is. And why is a woman hes met 8 months ago and lives with not wondering why he doesnt even PHONE his kids let alone see them. Silly daft bint!!!
I am awaiting restrictions being lifted for him to swan in and start stamping his feet that he wants to see them and play the disney dad. Yes he pays maintenance. No i cant force him to step up and the kids have the option . if they want to see him they can, if they dont want to they dont have to. But it seriously fucks me off. The whole thing. The way he slags me off when he does fuck all.
:-(