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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just leave it with her now?

30 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 07/03/2021 19:19

Friend told me she was having a really rough time. I texted her back but maybe it came across a bit cold on my side, I was very busy that day.
I asked her questions about the situation but didn't give any sympathy as such. She never replied and that was months ago.
I do feel the friendship was fizzling out but she has been very good to me in the past. Do I try again or just accept that she doesn't want to speak to me anymore?

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/03/2021 19:20

I’d contact her and ask her how she is?

PatchworkElmer · 07/03/2021 19:20

I’d try again, on the basis that she told you she was struggling.

Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 07/03/2021 19:23

She didn't say she was struggling per say.
Just some horrendous things had happened in the last few months to her. With that said, I don't really think she wants to be friends anymore.
Guess it just feels a bit strange to leave it like this when we were once close. But maybe that happens and it's a natural process in life.

OP posts:
WildfirePonie · 07/03/2021 19:46

I would leave it. She could have replied if she wanted to.

LagneyandCasey · 07/03/2021 19:48

I'd send a message to test the water and see how she responds. A couple of my friendships are coming out of hibernation now that we can actually make plans to see each other.

bananaboats · 07/03/2021 19:49

Depends how bothered you are about the friendship, doesnt seem like you are too bothered so would prob just leave it.

MuddleMoo · 07/03/2021 20:06

You could send her a message and see how she is doing? I had a friend who did similar and then almost a year later I messaged and they'd felt it had been too late to message me back.

Grilledaubergines · 07/03/2021 20:10

Sorry to be harsh but if she was having a tough time, you could have maybe contacted her again, when you had more time. Instead months have passed. She probably sensed your disinterest from the tone of your reply to her.

Does no one pick up the phone any more? Honestly, if a friend said my text they were having a tough time I’d have picked up the phone.

bloodywhitecat · 07/03/2021 20:12

As someone who is having a shit time I say reach out to her again. I desperately need friends at the moment but lack the strength to contact them, especially if I haven't heard from them in a while. In my experience, when things are tough lots of people disappear.

MamaMeAh · 07/03/2021 20:17

Just ring her

Returnoftheowl · 07/03/2021 20:23

She probably sensed your disinterest from the tone of your reply to her
This was my thought. She's told you she's not in a great place, you replied coldly and are now wondering why she's not for back in touch with you?

Whatwhyhowwherewho · 07/03/2021 20:43

@Returnoftheowl

She probably sensed your disinterest from the tone of your reply to her This was my thought. She's told you she's not in a great place, you replied coldly and are now wondering why she's not for back in touch with you?
^agree with this. She was reaching out and you didn’t offer support. Even if you were busy that day you could have messaged the following day, she’s hardly going to get in touch with you again.
Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 07/03/2021 20:50

As I said, I did ask questions so wasn't like it was a tone of disinterest.

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 07/03/2021 21:03

@MiaMarshmallows

As I said, I did ask questions so wasn't like it was a tone of disinterest.
But you've also said it was a bit of a cold response from you... That isn't likely to inspire her to reach out to you a second time if she was in need of support.

It's up to you. If you want to be friends send her a further message. If you don't then just leave it.

Justcallmebebes · 07/03/2021 21:07

To be honest if that was my friend, especially one who'd been supportive to me in the past, I'd have followed it up a lot sooner. A bit late now months later, no?

idontlikealdi · 07/03/2021 21:24

If it was e I'd be checking in on her.

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 07/03/2021 21:29

Don’t beat yourself up, but do try again with her. I think this is happening a lot, everyone is mentally spent and relationships are suffering. If it’s an important friendship to you both, you’ll be able to repair it with a little work.

MRex · 07/03/2021 21:41

I've had fairweather friends before, so personally wouldn't appreciate the follow-up, but everyone's different and perhaps she'll not mind. It's up to you to contact her, but if she's polite and distant then it's worth knowing that you're causing a bit of an imposition and better to stop.

HeddaGarbled · 07/03/2021 21:44

Phone, don’t text.

Bubblesgun · 07/03/2021 21:49

I would send her a message to say that you are reaching out to see how she is. That you ve been thinking about her a lot and want her to know that you re here for her.
Then i would leave it. If she doesnt message back then I would get the message crystal clear.
Unless of course that she is worth than she was when she last texted and therefore unable to reach for the hand that is coming.

I would be very mindeful of not taking anything personally until i am confident she is doing OK.

Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 07/03/2021 22:14

Sorry, I don't understand what you meant in that message?

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 07/03/2021 22:18

You mean the autocorrect failure / typo of worth for worse?

@Bubblesgun is saying that if you message her and she doesn’t reply, then she probably isn’t interested. Or she’s in an even worse place than she was before, and she can’t accept the hand you’re reaching out (by contacting her) because of that. For example, depression can make it hard for people to engage.

SandyY2K · 07/03/2021 22:24

I texted her back but maybe it came across a bit cold on my side, I was very busy that day.
I asked her questions about the situation but didn't give any sympathy as such.

Given the above, it's probably best to leave it. Especially as you say the friendship was fizzing out anyway.

It could be the nature of the questions ticked her off.

feistyoneyouare · 07/03/2021 23:33

It does sound like you could have been more sympathetic tbh.

Bubblesgun · 08/03/2021 08:16

Thanks @Cocomarine exactly what i was trying to say. Apologies for the auto correct.

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