Hi, I'd like an outsider perspective on a situation I've found myself in.
Background: New relationship of around 4 months. Bf and I both 33. We met as teenagers (18/19) and had an on an off romance over the years. It was fairly tumultuous betwen us back then. Got back in loose contact around 5 years ago as platonic friends (we were both in respective relationships at the time).
In the second half of 2020, he contacted me telling me he realised he loved me. He asked for the opportunity to be friends so he could demonstrate his feelings. I was hesitant due to some of his previous behaviours but thought I'd give it a shot. We spent a few months spending time together, no sex, cooking, and generally getting to know each other again. It was lovely.
Fast forward to now. Its been a few months. We had "the chat" after months ago and are an item. There have been a few issues but nothing that hasn't been ironed out. In the last week or so, I felt he had come unusually distant. Going from seeing one another a few times a week to barely once in a week. I initially put it down to our work scheduled but something did not sit well with me.
I woke up the other morning with a strong gut feeling. Something told me to just have a look at an online dating platform and to see if he has an active account. Low and behold, from the filtered group, he appeared as one of the account who was most recently online.
I've confronted him about this and he said he was "bored at work" and had no intention of meeting anyone on there. He has also said this is all my fault, he hasn't done anything wrong and I am expecting "utopia" and will not find a man of my exacting standards.
At the moment, I am unsure if I am genuinely in the wrong here, or if I just followed my gut instinct, was correct and he is now trying to manipulate me.
I know checking online was not the best move but I just had the sense that there was something amiss and I was right. I haven't done something like this before and generally, I am very laid back in secure relationships.
Ultimately, I don't feel that I will be able to get past this as it feels like betrayal, but I'd like to hear other peoples thoughts on this. Am I really looking for utopia or is he just a cheat? Is online dating cheating?
Thanks.