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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me with childcare question

31 replies

jclm · 07/03/2021 08:53

Posting in aibu for traffic.

We are currently recruiting a part time nanny as I will be starting a new job soon. My children's ages are 10 and 8, and my 8 year old is disabled. We have found nannies work better than other childcare as my disabled child finds childminder and after school clubs hard-going and the flexibility is great. We have had two long-standing nannies in the past, which worked really well. We live in a provincial area and finding experienced nannies is difficult. There are plenty of students looking for work but they generally will have only very limited experience and will need a lot of training and guidance.

I've done several interviews and my shortlist is:

Nanny 1: 30 years old, studying an education degree, has lots of experience with disabilities but no nannying experience. Would be bringing her 5 year old child with her (though there may be the option of finding childcare for her child). She didn't talk about the practicalities of bringing her child but we could chat further about this. She has some childcare responsibilities for her step children so we may have to do a more ad hoc arrangement rather than regular days.

Nanny 2: 18 years old with nursery experience. Hasn't worked with disabled children or older children. She would prefer being paid cash in hand so that she is not taxed, which I would feel worried about, but perhaps she would accept a PAYE job. She is free only at the weekends.

Both nannies have a car and will be available for work for our family for at least the next 2 years. We may even be able to do a job share between both women.

Which nanny would be best in this arrangement?

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 07/03/2021 08:58

Well if you need after school care and nanny 2 is only available at weekends, then you will have to go with nanny 1.

Bolshybun · 07/03/2021 09:03

Nanny one

IndecentFeminist · 07/03/2021 09:05

1 at a push. Neither sound ideal.

17bluebirds · 07/03/2021 09:15

I'd say neither. I assume that you are flexible on your days, seeing as you are considering both of them.

You can't pay cash in hand and avoid tax and NI it's illegal. And nanny 2 has no relavent experience at all.

Nanny 1 could be a possibility, if you could agree hours. But brining her own child, and possibll step children, and varying hours sound like too much potential for problems.
I'd keep looking if you can.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 07/03/2021 09:24

How much are you offering? Maybe that would attract someone with more experience? Agencies that specialise in SEN advertise their jobs at significantly higher rates that others.

DarcyLewis · 07/03/2021 09:27

It would be stupid of you to pay someone illegally, so either set up legal employment and run payroll or don’t employ anyone.

Neither of these options sound great but Nanny 1 is better.

Bunnybigears · 07/03/2021 09:32

Neither, Nanny 1 sounds like hard work working around her commitments, Nanny 2 is asking you to do something illegal.

shouldistop · 07/03/2021 09:35

I'd keep searching.

Original poster
jclm · 07/03/2021 09:35

@moly We said 'wage negotiable, based on experience'. In practice, in the past this has meant that even very inexperienced people have expected high wages. We live in a poorer area in Wales so the average wage is much lower than elsewhere. We would be willing to pay nanny 1 £12 gross p/h if she came without child and £8.72 with child.

OP posts:
collywobble · 07/03/2021 09:36

As the nannies employer you are responsible for her taxes so you would be breaking the law by paying her cash. Hmrc could come to you for the outstanding tax not being paid. Nanny one sounds like the better option as she is experienced and also has a child herself giving her more insight in my opinion

ScarfaceCwaw · 07/03/2021 09:39

You can't hire nanny 2. She isn't available when you need her and she wants an illegal pay agreement.

If you really really can't find anyone else then you can try nanny 1, but even as someone who has nannyshared for years I'm ambivalent about a NWOC and I imagine I'd feel more negative about it if I had a disabled DC.

TimeForTeaAndG · 07/03/2021 09:39

I wouldn't pick either from those descriptions.

Nanny 1: if the child was a similar age to my own then maybe but 5 is so small compared to 8 and 10 that I'd be concerned about her having to supervise her own child when she is being paid to watch mine.

Nanny 2: that is fraud and a nanny should be absolutely trustworthy. Nope.

Racoonworld · 07/03/2021 09:40

Neither. I wouldn’t want a nanny bringing her own child, especially when you have two. It also sounds unprofessional wanting to arrange ad hoc days around her stepchildren. Nanny 2 sounds inexperienced and can only do weekends.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/03/2021 09:50

Definitely don’t pay some one illegally, and tbh even having asked it would take nanny 2 off the table. Also her inexperience would be a problem from what you say.

Nanny 1 sounds ok but also not perfect for you. We had an after school nanny who brought her child with her and it was ok but some problems - if the kids fell out for example, or if she gave her son something different to my two for dinner (we’d said just cook for him along with ours). She was fine but ended up not coping with our Ds who is now (couple of years on) being assessed for adhd - he’s not particularly badly behaved though but she found his in attention by the road difficult.

user1471464218 · 07/03/2021 09:50

My nanny brings her children (started with us with her 12 month old then brought her next child from 4 months, now 4.5 and 2.5.) It works well. Her own children often watch TV or play while she's in a different room doing homework with my children! I was realistic about finding a nanny- I was needing part time as youngest started school so 2pm to 5 ish, 2 or 3 days a week (change every week) plus one weekend in 3. I live in a beautiful part of the world (Northern Ireland) but it's not cosmopolitan and I knew (from looking for my full time nanny a few years previously) that there wouldn't be much interest plus I knew I'd have to compromise on something to find a nanny who was happy with the hours I could offer.

WaterBottle123 · 07/03/2021 09:55

Is the nanny more for respite than actual childcare, hence why you're considering weekends only?

In which case a casual cash in hand babysitting arrangement with the 18 year old would be fine. The Tories over tax the young, low earners so I don't see a moral issue and HMRC has historically turned a blind eye to cash in hand babysitting.

nannynick · 07/03/2021 09:56

Neither. Nanny2 is a non starter as is not wanting a legal job. If that changes then they can be considered but you don't want any involvement with cash-in-hand arrangements.

Nanny1 is a non starter due to having a school aged child... they can't be collecting from two different schools at the same time.

What are the hours of care you are needing, could Nanny1 be a consideration if there is no logistical issue with things like taking/collecting from school?

MyrrAgain · 07/03/2021 09:57

Neither sound great. If nanny 2 wants to formally inform you that she is self employed and give evidence of it then that's up to her what she does with your payment and if she declares or for tax or not. It's quite difficult to be self employed as a nanny though...

DarcyLewis · 07/03/2021 10:03

I would offer Nanny1 the job at £12 gross an hour, fixed days/hours without bringing her child.
£12 is a reasonable wage and she can use after school club and tax free childcare for her own child.

If she doesn’t want the job on that basis then readvertise.

nannynick · 07/03/2021 10:11

£12 gross is great rate, it's what I get in Southern England when doing permanent work of 30+ hours per week. You may not be offering that many hours but salaries in your area could be lower, so £12 gross for less hours still seems reasonable.

Are you flexible about when someone works or are you deciding the days/hours in advance? Would having someone only available weekends really work?

CantBeAssed · 07/03/2021 10:18

"Nanny 2" is a babysitter...
Option 1 is not ideal but workable

Youllbeoldertoo · 07/03/2021 10:29

Neither, keep looking.

MuddleMoo · 07/03/2021 10:31

2 doesn't sound good. More like a babysitter and only available at weekends. 1 sounds better

Original poster
jclm · 07/03/2021 10:35

Thanks all for the thoughts.

We are flexible with regards to hours/days, up to a certain extent, especially in the lockdown as employers are more understanding and accepting of flexible working. Our needs will be different when we start going into work and the children's after school activities start again. But that seems like a long time away.

Yes, it would also be respite for us to have some time away from our disabled son.

We are happy to pay over the odds if it means the nanny will stay with us for a few years.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 07/03/2021 10:36

Nanny 1 - Keen to learn and develop her skills. I wouldn’t have an issue trialling her bringing her own dc as I think the change in dynamic can be good for dc and the older dc can tell you if there are issues.