To give my friend having IVF a gift?

[whatchathinkaboutthat]

My dearest and best friend is going to be starting hormone treatment soon before embarking on IVF.

I know how desperate she is for a child and so when we speak I do everything I can to say the right things and be supportive. She is so strong and relaxed about it and positive - I am in awe.

Anyway the AIBU.. when my DC was born she was amazing.. she send gorgeous gifts and she still does for birthdays etc. Would it be weird for me to send her a present to sort of mark her starting IVF? Is that weird? I just want to kind of show her I am supporting her. How do I best do this?

Would it be weird to send some flowers saying 'so proud of you and you can do this!' Sort of thing? Is that the worst thing to do? I want her to know how proud I am of her and how I will be there to support her but at the same time I don't want to upset her?

Any advice?
Thanks!

That's a really sweet idea. You sound like a great friend

You are a lovely friend. IVF is horrible. It took us 6 goes and we never shared with anyone when we were in a cycle but told friends after when it failed. We have some lovely flowers and gifts in our dark days and it meant the world to us. I still look back to the dark days and feel grateful that it showed us the kindness of people around us.

Just a tip - remember she has a husband too. So many people forgot that my husband was also desperate for a baby and was heartbroken each time. It really helped him when flowers were addressed to us both.

What about a just eat/Uber eats/deliveroo voucher for when she just hasn't got the energy to cook?

I like the idea of a plant too, I got an orchid for my birthday, it's beautiful & doesn't seem too hard to take care of so far. Or a cactus because they are really easy to take care of!

A card with a nice message, and maybe some chocolates or Cook vouchers will be enough.

That’s a lovely thought and tbh I would have received anything gratefully during my ivf. Just to know they were thinking of me meant a lot. It’s a very lonely time. I always remember those friends who thought of me.

My colleague is going through this and often shares Instagram photos of the gifts her friends have sent her

My friend sent me a care package with chocolate, a fantasy book (something engaging without being too heavy or hard work!), a funny tea towel (random but made me smile) and an encouraging card. It was really lovely and made me feel very cared for.

As someone who has had ivf I wouldn't want a big deal made of it. It's too much pressure. If she knows you're there for her that's the main thing. Just listen, saying things like 'you can do this' or 'it will be fine' etc isn't good as there's lots of elements that are totally out of her control.

Its a great idea! I did something similar for my friend who started last week. I made her a little care package so a face mask, some cosy socks, some chocolate, a little pineapple keyring (pineapple is meant to help implantation I think!) She loves tea so some fancy tea bags and other little bits and bobs that she can do to take her mind off the TWW or if the meds are getting tough. Your friend will absolutely love that you've thought of her- she sounds lovely and I'm really hoping it works for her xxxx

That's such a lovely thought, you sound like a great friend. We have just been through our second (failed) round of IVF and my mum put together a little care package and a friend made me and my husband brownies, both of which were very much appreciated and it helped knowing that people were thinking of us

Flowers or a lovely plant
I’d also err against a message to state anything other than ‘I’m thinking of you ‘
You sound like a sweet friend

Is she having her treatment privately? I went through a load of IVF and the thing I’d have liked to be given was money! I think I spent around £30k over the years, possibly more.
Maybe the clinic do vouchers?
The best gift I got was a load of IVF drugs that a friend hadn’t needed as she’d conceived naturally just before her treatment started . Saved me a fortune!

Having been through it, I would have loved a thoughtful friend like you OP. My recommendation? I nice book, bath/shower gel, fluffy socks, blanket. Basically “cosy” things. I wanted to cocoon the whole time. It’s a strange experience is IVF. Anything to help her feel comforted would be my suggestion.