To take breakfast off my toddler

[cs98127634]

My 2 year old is a really fussy eater. He will literally only eat toast or pasta. And behaviour at meal times is awful. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Whatever is put in front of him he just throws on the floor. I have tried giving him a "safe" food with meals but he will just throw it on the floor. I have explained to him that he does have to eat if he's not hungry, but he doesn't seem to understand. If he doesn't want to eat he will just throw food on the floor. It's like if he doesn't want to eat it he won't even have it on the table. I've tried ignoring it. I've tried telling him off. I've tried praising his brother for eating nicely. Nothing seems to work. This morning he started throwing a toast crust on the floor and I just took all of his breakfast away.

I can't cope. I dread meal times. Please give me some advice.

Mine is a thrower too. She’s getting better but I’m sure it’s a communication thing. I’m still prepared for something to be lobbed every meal and just try to anticipate and grab her plate when she starts looking like she’s done or a bit grumpy.

Hi OP.
I don’t have any advise except your DC will grow out of it. Don’t make a battle of it you won’t win. My daughter either used to throw her food on the floor or rub it in the high chair or all over her hair and body. My reaction completely ruined meal times for a couple of years. Now I’m older and wiser 😂 I realise my reaction fuelled it. Just pick it up tell them not to throw it on the floor just to give it to you and move on. They will get past this phase.

Thats what many 2 years old do.

I just give my 2 year old a small amount of food in a bowl at a time if i am unsure if she is the mood the throw it. There is less to clean up then if she does throw it.

I’ll probably get shouted at for this but I think distraction is the key. Mine was started to get fussy so we done what we could to get him to eat, radio on, telly on, little things to hold and look at. It worked for us he started eating more and more, now eats fine as he’s probably realised it’s actually nice! I’d rather that then have the battle everyday and the worry they were going hungry

When did he turn two, OP?

If he is old enough to communicate try the super nanny method. Tell him once not to throw his crust, if he does it again take him to sit on the naughty step for two minutes and then bring him back - and repeat.

It will be absolutely brain numbing but he will understand and stop when he realises there will be consequences.

My nephew used to do it as a toddler and it went on for years, he would get told off and just carrying on but do it sneakily.

Obviously every child is different and he may well grow out of it but it’s far harder to address a four year old starting school who throws food on the floor than a two year old.

Oh goodness dont use a naughty step. He is so little. ☹️

I've also got a thrower. Ive just accepted it and that he will grow out of it at some point (fingers crossed). Im getting better at anticipating when he's going to throw ao i can remove it before he gets to throwing it. He generally does it because he doesn't like it (he does but its a control thing) or he's finished. Every time he does it I say "no throw" but I'm not sure if he cares. He has got better though. I try to make mealtimes relaxed so no shouting when he does it and that's helped me reduce my stresses around it and I think its calmed him down too. Good luck.

I think taking it away - calmly and kindly - is reasonable, if he's thrown it twice.

Also, have you looked at the rest of his eating, is he still drinking a lot of milk or snacking? My niece was drinking nearly a litre of milk a day and wouldn't eat, as soon as they cut it to 150ml.befkre bed only she gained an appetite. My dc2 was similar with snacks, we got into a bad cycle where she wouldn't eat meals, so would be hungry and cranky, so I'd give her an extra apple or cracker between, say, morning snack and lunch, then she'd be just full enough to refuse lunch etc etc. Cutting down on snacks really helped her too, she's still a bit fussy but nothing like before

I read on here somewhere it’s your job to put food on the table, not to make them eat it. It changed my life! I would just not stress if he’s eaten anything at all and if he throws it on the floor then I would just put it back once and then after that id leave it. I would stop any and all snacks between meal times and eventually he’ll become hungry enough to actually eat at meal times rather than throw it on the floor.

I like the super nanny thing of leaving food there for 30 mins and then binning so they can come back to it if they want. I wouldn’t do the naughty step purely because if he’s a fussy eater aswell as misbehaving - I think if it was just misbehaving on its own I would but if they are being fussy about food and you have concerns I wouldn’t do it!

It's just a phase. Try not to make food a battlefield so try to stay calm (easier said than done!). Sarah Ockwell Smith has a gentle eating book that might help you change your mindset when it comes to food and mealtimes

www.amazon.co.uk/Gentle-Eating-Book-Approach-Problems/dp/0349414424/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

The super nanny method above sounds mean to use on a baby.

Parenting shouldn’t be just about the parent enforcing control. Of course the parent is ultimately in charge but the child is a human too and should be treated with respect. Maybe the 2 year old doesn’t like the food or is not in the mood to eat just now. You don’t force them to comply.

If my 2 year is not in the mood to eat I just take away the dinner - let them go off and play - and try again in another hour.

DS went through a phase of this at about that age, he would take a bite, throw, bite of something else, throw- really frustrating, thankfully the phase passed. I would just calmly pick it up and not make a big thing of it, and emphasise leaving it on the plate if he didn't want anymore. It did soon pass, as long as over the course of a day/week he is eating a varied diet then all good. It did seem to happen more when he was tired.

Unfortunately he's just being 2. He will grow out of it. Presumably he is just 2 rather than almost 3? Give small amounts at a time to minimise the mess and if he really doesn't want to eat then end the mealtime. Keep it simple he won't be able to process long explanations or indirect consequences. He throws food, you remind him food is for eating. He does it again you tell him to eat the food or dinner time is finished and then follow through. Keep calm and gentle. Do not make it into a battle ground. If you are worried about his overall nutrition then please get in touch with health visitor or GP. It will pass.

With DD (my 2nd DC) I'd learned a bit. We all ate together in the kitchen and as soon as she started I whipped the bowl away, put it on the worktop away from her and we all carried on eating. After a short while she'd ask for it back. If not she'd have toast later.

Thought I was going to get a backlash for this. Thank you so much for all the support and advice. It's really helpful.

Definitely don't use the naughty step! Totally ineffective and a great way to set up a bad relationship with food!

Agree just give him a couple of mouthfuls at a time. If he throws them don’t give anymore till he asks,then again only one bite’s worth. Ignore the throwing.

Forcing a child to eat is not what this thread is about @SuperSleepyBaby. Its about whether its appropriate to stop a toddler (2 is not a baby, different developmental stage altogether) throwing food. Hint: it is.

Personally I used the naughty step w ds2 at 18 months to stop throwing- but he used to throw toys (surprisingly hard and accurately ). For food I'd just remove it.

If he is old enough to communicate try the super nanny method. Tell him once not to throw his crust, if he does it again take him to sit on the naughty step for two minutes and then bring him back - and repeat.

Please don't do this. I struggle to image the life of a child who's parents follow this absolute garbage.

Listening is key. 2 year olds are not being deliberately naughty. They are trying to communicate and/or struggling to understand something.

@Karwomannghia

Agree just give him a couple of mouthfuls at a time. If he throws them don’t give anymore till he asks,then again only one bite’s worth. Ignore the throwing.

This sounds sensible. Just move the main plate out of reach.

I can’t imagine using the ‘super nanny’ method on an 18 month old. It is about laying down the law with a child - not appreciating that they are little more than babies and should be treated with respect.

Are you using a highchair? We found sitting at the table with us has stopped my DD from throwing so much on the floor. If she’s being a bit fussy I put an empty plate next to her and say anything she doesn’t want she can put on there (rather than throwing)

If you are going to offer food later make the same breakfast as before and have it at the table as before.

We moved DS to the table (Stokke chair) so he was part of our meal times - we had a similar situation for a bit when he was in a high chair with a separate tray and we were feeding him when it suited us - being at the table, given the same food that we had and involving him in regular meal time chat (about our days, etc) really helped - also meant it was easier to ignore the throwing and refusing as feeding him wasn’t the main focus of the event. It’s tough OP but it will get better if you keep modelling good eating.

@SuperSleepyBaby actually it was more about recognising that matchbox cars bloody hurt when hurled over short distances than respecting the natural dignity of a toddler. His brother's right to play with his toys without head wounds also came into it. 2 x1min on the step seemed a small price to pay.