Gap Year - Risk or Regret

[ThePriceOfSugar]

In brief: I'm 23. Started uni at 17, have a master's, just over 1y in a corporate job. As is suggested I'm not much of a risk-taker and have travelled a defined path.

My boyfriend of 2y moved to New York 6 months ago to a great job and wants me to come join. I've been trying to get a transfer through my company for about 7 months and am getting closer, but as I'm junior there is every chance I'll be declined.

Should I just go to NY anyway and call it a gap year?

Yes:

• hate my job (cyber, paid minimum wage as an analyst)
• not much market for the jobs I want in my country
• I have a year of salary saved up
• BF is happy to support me financially
• NY is my dream city and I have a small network there
• young enough to make mistakes?

No:

• will be living on a visitor's visa until I find a job
• pressure placed on relationship
• Covid impact on work and life in NY
• Quitting job seems incredibly privileged and foolish

Shall I take the leap and see what happens? Or stay, wait for a solid opportunity to come along and probably lose the relationship (long distance can't be forever)?

Go.

But make some plans for how you'd survive if you break up, if you're dependent on him financially.

Go go go

Go. Immediately.

Try it out! You can get another job here if it doesn’t work out.... I know Covid blah but it’ll pick up again.

Covid situation there is a bit more perilous but also likely to start improving and I presume your boyfriend can tell you what it’s really like.

So go.

I’m 43 and have a great career on a really good salary but I regret is not taking more risks like the one you’ve described. Please do not pass up this opportunity.

Yes go! It’s so much easier to do this sort of thing at your age and it sounds like it can only be a positive thing for you

Take a leap! Better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't.

Go! Live life! You will always have the amazing memories even if the move doesn’t pan out.

My husband did it for my job when we went to Australia in our late 20s. I then got made redundant. It didn’t hurt either of our careers. At 23 I hadn’t even moved into the career I’m in now. At 40 I earn a six figure salary in a senior role. No regrets.

Go. You don't enjoy it, you can come back. You're not far enough I to your career this would drastically affect it. You have savings, he has an income. It's someone you would love to live- go!!

GO! Just make sure you have funds and a plan for when your tourist visa runs out and/or the relationship doesn't work out, just in case.

You only regret things you didn't do. You are so young, I know you don't feel like that and it won't till your racing towards 40 and in the words of Basil Faulty 'vrrump, what was that? It's your life mate. Do I get another one? Nope that's your lot'

Go, but if you intend looking for work make sure you fully understand the visa situation before you get there. If you get it wrong you could be excluded from the US for life.

Absolutely try it!! You have your whole life. Don't regret it. You have plenty of time for very sensible decisions

Yep, do it!

Go!

Definitely go, but make absolutely certain you would be able to get a work visa if you find a job.

You can only stay 90 days on a visitor’s visa and you can’t work or apply for jobs on that visa so you’ll need to bear that in mind (unless you find a US employer willing to sponsor you)

Go. Without a doubt take this chance. I followed a similar path, am now living in a horrible city with four children, few friends, a very dull relationship and a job that I don't love, am 53 and honestly regret the path my life has taken. Kids doing well but goodness have I paid for their success. Totally go for it.

Go.
Just do it.

Is it not only 90 days you can stay rather than a year?

Go go go!!!

Go!

BUT:

Research the visa position very carefully before you leave. There are a lot of problems that can crop up through irregular immigration. Entering on a tourist visa and looking for work is a BIG no-no to most border agents - think about a return date, and expect to be scrutinised and questioned, and for heaven's sake don't say you're there to find a job on a tourist visa, because it looks like fraud (which it is, but I appreciate that there are grey areas in life where nothing is certain - so do try and separate out the purposes of your visit for each time you enter).

If you do find work, would you have to leave the country while your visa is processed in order to re-enter on the right one, and would you need to be sponsored? If your partner were able to sponsor you for a green card, would he have to commit to be financially responsible for you for the next ten years, regardless of whether you stay together?

Do not get on the wrong side of US immigration, whatever you do.

Surely you will be travelling on an ESTA visa waiver?

You won't be able to get a job here unless there is some special skill that an American/ greencard holder doesn't have...

If you want to work and live in NYC someday, do not fuck that up for your future self by overstaying on an ESTA.

Be very careful about respecting the ESTA and not just thinking you can do the 90 days, fly home for a few days and re-enter the US again.

Absolutely go but make sure you look after your pot of savings carefully to see you through (it is good to know your BF will support you, but that can quickly become boring and an imbalance of power in a relationship if you have to go to him for handouts etc).

I would be applying for as many jobs as possible, even outside of my company, to get a visa there. You could always join your BF a bit later, having secured your own visa.

I'm not sure all the people telling you to just go are aware of the rules around USA immigration?

You really can't just decide you want to come here to live for a year and apply for jobs. Doing so could well make you ineligible for any kind of permanent residency in the future.

Although can you get a J1 visa if you are within a few years of graduating/ under 25 maybe? That could be a good option but not sure what the limits are.