Have you got much 'potential' left in you? Or have doors closed?

[Ohwhattohavefordinner]

I am stressed and sad. At 36, I just don't feel like I have many doors left open. Cannot have biological children, which is a source of grief as always thought I would.

But it's also basically too late really to follow any career path in the areas I loved and was very good at when I was young.

How do you feel about your future and the potential you have to fulfil any ambitions or dreams you have? Does anyone else feel sad that doors have shut?

What was it you wanted to be?

I feel similar but for different reasons. I can’t choose a career that I’d enjoy, and could probably get into because I’m a single parent. My youngest probably has additional needs (Waiting to find out) and cannot really attend holiday clubs and out of school childcare so I can’t do full time work.
I feel stuck in a job I’m not really enjoying and relying on benefits to top up my wage.
I realise that might sound insensitive to say to someone that cannot have children and I’m not ungrateful for my kids at all, I love them. But it’s dawning on me that my future once they’ve flown the nest might not be too bright.

I'm sure there will be wiser posters along shortly but didn't want to leave you hanging because you sound so sad.

36 is absolutely not too old for doors to be shut. Yeah ok you might not be able to be a prima ballerina but retraining as a ballet teacher/taking up ballet as an adult for the joy of it is not.

What do you like doing? What are you good at doing?

I'm 56. I feel like I've got bags of potential left. Am hopefully about to start a brand new career.

Life's what you make it. If you've decided yours is over, it is.

I recommend reading or listening to some self-development podcasts and blogs. Start with The School Of Greatness, Lewis Howes' podcast.

I think at 36, that figure begins with only a 3, as opposed to say at 6 or an 8. You're in your 30s, which is a perfect time to change course. Yes it may take some work and some payments, but that's what life is like and what money is there for. Don't cut your life off so young.

Also take a look at some Mindvalley masterclasses.

@HelloThereMeHearties what are you retraining to do?

36 is not old! My inspirational friend qualified as a lawyer last year - she is 62!
What is it that you dream of? There may be a way

Sorry you aren’t able to have biological children when you so wanted them. I can imagine that’s very hard and a difficult thing to come to terms with.

In regards to your career you have plenty of time left to retrain, switch jobs. Maybe if you’re uncertain or in a rut you could try a bit of volunteering to test things out and try new areas of work.

I’m 36 and my pension says I still have 6553889 years left of working. There’s enough time to switch things up for sure!

The doors have closed. I'm not living, I'm waiting to die. I go through the motions as I have a child and bills.
I still don't know why I'm here or what I want to do.
If I had a switch I'd have clicked off at 20. I'm 47.

Don't be disheartened. I found everything ramped up after 40 and five years later I'm very much fulfilling my potential and in my prime career-wise. This feeling you're describing sounds like part of the impetus needed - the rock bottom feeling that makes you reach out (like you're doing now) and casting around for a new approach, which will lead to new opportunities and a brighter future. I remember feeling so hopeless and desperately doing career quizzes, going to therapists, going on various schemes etc. No one thing was a magic wand, but altogether it coalesced into a much more confident 'fuck it, just go for it!' version of me that is working out much better. Hand in there and good luck with your journey!

But it's also basically too late really to follow any career path in the areas I loved and was very good at when I was young.

Don't be daft.
You've got over 30 years of your working life ahead of you. Twice what is behind you.
You can retrain and aim for the stars (well, perhaps unless you wanted to be a professional footballer or rugby player, but that's quite niche anyway).

I'm sorry if you have recently found you can't have biological children. That is a difficult thing to hear. IT does not mean you can't give your love in so many ways though.

I feel in the same boat, I'm 32 have a couple of disabilities and careers wise i just feel I have zero, probably less then that tbh potential which is soul destroying.

What do you want to be maybe you can retrain with something like the OU?

Try not to be self defeatist. I'm mid 50s. I'm really only limited by things I don't want to do not things I can't do.

I felt like that. Now I'm learning with the OU.

Oh op, you are not too old. What would you like to do in an ideal world?

I bet youve still got loads of potential.

Oh and im so sorry that you couldnt have children. That must be devestating.

At 36 you have the vast majority of your working life ahead of you.

Go for it!

I'm so sorry OP - finding out that you can't have biological DC must have been an absolute blow. I wonder if it's something you found out about recently?

I'd suggest you think about what you'd like your life to look like a year/two years/five years from now, and then work back to what you need to do in the medium term to make that happen.

I understand your sadness in not being able to have a biological child but as for the rest, no it's really not too late.

I qualified as a professional Accountant aged 44, managing to get first place nationally on 2 of my final papers and 2nd and 8th place globally, while working full time and bringing up 5 kids. I am now thinking of doing a Masters in Organisational Psychology while working full time in the job that my accounting qualification helped me in getting. I'm 47 this year and don't feel I have nearly reached my potential.

Keep learning and growing. Take it step by step, one day at a time,you just have to take the first step and before you know it you can have a different future with better options.

Thank you, some really great stories of people finding their niche and succeeding older than their 20's. All my mates basically hit success very young when I think about it, hence feeling unusual and a little embarrassed.

I did retrain. Just before the pandemic hit I did a postgrad course and was really excited.

I have lost all motivation. My mum was recently diagnosed with a very serious illness and I just think, what's the point really? There is a real possibility she won't be here in a year or two which terrifies me but there isn't anything I can do, obviously. She wouldn't want me to stop living my life.

I can never not worry about her again, I don't know how to focus on career stuff because it seems so trivial and a waste of my time frankly when I need to be focused on my mum. But it isn't a waste of my time and my time is running out.

Jobs either all seem to me as complete nonsense I can't even pretend I care. Or so intensely meaningful and important that I can't do them justice because my head is not in the right place.

My mates seemed to have all found their niche when we were in our 20s too, whereas I kind of drifted after university.

But I went back to university to do a masters in a completely different field when I was 40 and it was the best decision I ever made. I now work in that field and am much happier.

I appreciate you're worried about your mum, but I'm sure she wouldn't want you to put things on hold because of her.

If it was a recent diagnosis, then maybe now is about adjusting and coping rather than career goals.

It is ok to put a pin in that when you don't have the headspace for it and it's not something that currently feels meaningful. Maybe your family is more important right now. Nothing wrong with prioritising that.

You have choices.

A serious diagnosis for somebody so close to you is going to bring your own mortality to the fore and give you that sense of a ticking clock. But it doesn't mean you have to rush off trying to do big things or measure up to a standard you think other people have.

Just do what's right for you now. Different things will be more important to us at different times in our lives. Taking care of yourself at a stressful time and making more of a priority of your relationship with your mum doesn't mean you're not living your life. Those sound important to you at the moment.

After all, living your life means doing what's right for you, doesn't it?

Thank you, they are very reasonable and sensible ways of looking at it.

I feel under such huge pressure from every direction. But I can only do what I can do, I can't be superhuman.