DH working over the weekend

[Andv]

Hello everyone.
AIBU by getting upset because my DH took a job to do over the weekend?
Our DD is 5 month old and with lockdown, maternity and not having family around and obviously not been able to see fiends I feel a lot of time quite alone and tired.
Our DD has been quite difficult the first 3 months - not sleeping well, crying a lot and have to keep always on my arms. When she was around 3 month he took a job after work and I end up been on my own with her until sometimes 11pm. I told DH that until she settles please don't take any more jobs after work. He usually gets home by 5.30pm
I can say that now my little one is much better. She will stay on her chair a lot, sleeps more and is not fussy at all. Well she still naps on me or in the pram if I take her out.
Well so now DH gets home saying that he has taken a job to do over the weekend... "only 2 hours Saturday and Sunday" which I know by experience it won't be 2 hours... he does painting, flooring, etc and always something else comes up.
Am I right to think he should have asked me about it before taking the job ?
I don't know if I feel like this because I am a new mum

Ps you might not think you need extra money but does he? He may have things he would like to be able to afford as a family. Generally I would take a hard working bloke with aspirations over a work shy one.

Taking on extra jobs is not unreasonable. Arranging it all without consulting with your first, is. You're a team, he should've at least mentioned it to you first.

Thank you everyone for the replies.
He is overall great as a husband and also as a dad. He is really hands on with the little one.
He just took the job to make some extra money and I got upset because he didn't discuss it with me. I'm a little bit emotional these days and I don't think he fully understand how I feel even when I've explained to him.
I definitely need to chill and let go 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well no matter what the reason if you’d asked him not to take jobs over the weekend then it wasn’t fair to do it without talking to you. My DH works a lot but I’ve always asked him to not work Friday nights so if something comes up for a Friday night he’ll talk to me about it before agreeing

I end up been on my own with her until sometimes 11pm. I told DH that until she settles please don't take any more jobs after work.

And she's settled, so he hasn't done anything wrong. Being the breadwinner is a big burden and I don't blame him for wanting to take every opportunity.

Tbh I would have been upset too in the circumstances you've described where you don't need the money for essentials. I found mat leave very difficult and very much looked forward to the weekends where there was someone else to pitch in.

Some of the posts here are a bit weird to me - yes he can make extra money but if they won't struggle without it then I would value the time spent together and the positive impact on mental health more than a few extra quid in the bank.

It's probably fine as a one-off but I would still have a conversation about both your expectations going forward.

My dh always asks me if its ok for him to do overtime.
In the current climate, going out of the house to work is the new going out out.
I would compromise and ask him to keep Sundays free but Saturday is fair game for working if available.
Also try and get out more. Your baby will probably like watching older kids play in the park and you can get chatting to other parents.

I do think he should have discussed it with you, yes. I don't think it's unreasonable to do an extra few hours at the weekend, but I don't think he should have just done it, you both have equal responsibility for your child, and if you've been struggling then it's not unreasonable to want him around at weekends.

Some of the posts here are a bit weird to me - yes he can make extra money but if they won't struggle without it then I would value the time spent together and the positive impact on mental health more than a few extra quid in the bank.

I don’t know much about OP’s partner career enjoyment/progression but I absolutely do take on extra jobs that I don’t need financially, firstly because I will get further opportunities from them I cannot refuse, and secondly because I just love what I do.

It’s not just about money, sometimes you need to take on extra work for other reasons. Completely agree with you about finding a balance that also benefits the OP though.

There is nothing wrong or awful,for a person to decide to work at the weekends, I am sure you can cope,without any complaints. Some people like to have a good work ethic, which is beneficial for money etc, and generally like the work they do.

@1forAll74

There is nothing wrong or awful,for a person to decide to work at the weekends, I am sure you can cope,without any complaints. Some people like to have a good work ethic, which is beneficial for money etc, and generally like the work they do.

Nobody’s saying it’s ‘wrong or awful’ to work at the weekends, just that it’s considerate to discuss that with your partner when they’ll be doing the childcare.

I would be encouraging him to take the work while it’s there especially at the moment.

I do remember what’s it’s like with little ones and feeling so alone (that was without lockdown so it must be extra hard now) but I also know what it’s like to worry money.

Both Dh and I regularly do overtime (12 hour shifts). We communicate times that we both need to be off (events, time together etc).

Are you happy for him to earn less? Is he happy to earn less? If the answer to BOTH is yes then you should be irritated, upset is a bit OTT. However if it’s money that is paying the bills or going towards some kind of a goal, then you need to stop being so precious.

As a one off it’s fine. Every little helps.

As the only one earning it's not unreasonable for him to take on extra work to ensure you are secure financially, especially in these uncertain times.

I must admit, even when I was in a relationship, asking permission of my DP to work longer hours was an alien concept - if the department needed to work through the night or a weekend I would let my DP know but discussing it wasn't an option.

YABVU