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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need advise urgently

21 replies

gg12346 · 06/03/2021 09:47

I want to see my dad , he is getting a heart operation done in another country which is covid high .I am on the shielding list .I am also advised no air travel unless absolutely neccessary .
Now my dad has advised no one to visit him post operation since the chance of infection is quite high .Some family members will be there with him to support him ( my old uncles and my cousin brother ).
I have been told that I wont be able to catch a direct flight to my home town ,I will have to first show that I am covid negative and then catch the direct flight or train home .My dad has asked me to stay at home and not bother myself since he has people around but this is killing me that I will not be there to support him .I am planning to go later for a weeks time .What should I do ?

OP posts:
ssd · 06/03/2021 09:49

Do what your dad says.

UmbilicusProfundus · 06/03/2021 09:50

Listen to your dad. This is about him, not you right now. Sorry for the stressful time Flowers

ErrolTheDragon · 06/03/2021 09:51

I'm sorry your dad is ill. But it you want to support him, surely it would be best to respect his wishes? Think how he'd feel if you got ill as a result of visiting.

Caramelwhispers · 06/03/2021 09:52

It's hard but there is a risk of you passing on covid-19 to your dad pre or post op and making the situation even more difficult. Do as he says because the last thing he needs is having his op cancelled because he's caught covid-19 from a family member.

Singlenotsingle · 06/03/2021 09:52

I wouldn't go. He's got support, and there's risk to you as well if you go. He'll worry, putting extra strain on him, which he doesn't need. Promise him you'll go and visit afterwards when you can.

iluvpickles · 06/03/2021 09:53

I don't think you should go either.

Mabelene · 06/03/2021 09:54

Don’t go, he’s told you why, understand and comply with his wishes

SchoolMarks · 06/03/2021 09:55

Do what your dad says. He wants you to be as safe as possible so he doesn't have to worry about you. If he's not allowed visitors anyway, you'd be travelling for no reason. Make sure he has what he needs to video call you.

Felifox · 06/03/2021 09:56

Perhaps look at your df's point of view. You are shielding and safe in a country where thank goodness rates are coming down. If you went to see him would he not start to worry about you getting ill and the potential cost to you of quarantine? He's supported by family and not alone. I know I'd want to be with either of my dps in your situation so I totally understand. I hope all goes well for your dad and that it won't be too long before you are able to travel

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 06/03/2021 09:57

Stay home
and if you speak to your father or family, I'd avoid using the phrase "this is killing me" - seems a touch insensitive and "me, me, me" in the circumstances.

MiaowMiaow99 · 06/03/2021 09:58

Don't go. There's your health, and his health to consider.

LittlestBoho · 06/03/2021 09:58

Don't go. You will either infect him when he's weak after his operation, or he'll infect you. How do you think your dad would feel if you died because you visited him? Put your feelings to the side. In a few months everyone will be vaccinated and you can see him then.

therealteamdebbie · 06/03/2021 09:58

The risk with air travel are huge: crowded airports, the plane itself.

Unless you plan to travel, then isolate completely there for 2 weeks before seeing him, absolutely not.

Kgrzghtechh · 06/03/2021 09:59

Stay at home. Respecting his wishes is supporting him. He's not alone.

PinkPlantCase · 06/03/2021 10:02

I think the covid risk is too high. You would be devastated if he came down with covid after seeing you and he would be very upset if you got ill.

Be there for him in every other way you can. Could you arrange meal deliveries for when he comes home?

Cornettoninja · 06/03/2021 10:04

Do as your dad has asked.

I completely understand the instinct to be with him but this obviously isn’t normal circumstances and following those instincts could lead to much bigger problems down the line. Take comfort from the fact your dad does have family available to support him and keep in touch with them all. If there’s anything you can do to help from afar take the opportunity to do it. In all honesty what can you actually do when you’re there that his brothers and cousins can’t? He’ll be recovering and likely resting/sleeping a lot whereas if you go later on you can spend some quality time with him.

Have you had a vaccination yet or is one imminent? Once you’ve had both a huge element of the risks involved to both you and your dad are removed and you can make plans for then.

He clearly knows how much you love him and the distance doesn’t make a difference to that fact. I hope your dads surgery and recovery are swift and uneventful Flowers

Original poster
gg12346 · 06/03/2021 10:05

All I can see my mum who wants to me with her and my dad who says No . My mum is struggling emotionally .Too much to handle for her in this age and ofcourse family members will be there .

OP posts:
hitsvilleuk · 06/03/2021 10:08

You will stress him more by going when he has asked you to stay at home as he now has worrying about you added to the list.

Facetime/Skype/send a present and a card - he will know you are thinking about him.

ssd · 07/03/2021 10:21

@gg12346

All I can see my mum who wants to me with her and my dad who says No . My mum is struggling emotionally .Too much to handle for her in this age and ofcourse family members will be there .
I'm s
ssd · 07/03/2021 10:22

I'm sorry @gg12346, it is a lot for you to handle Flowers

Derrymum123 · 07/03/2021 17:26

Listen to your Da.

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