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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Removing shoes indoors

615 replies

diagold4u · 04/03/2021 15:35

Am interested to know how many people actually have the rule of no shoes indoors.
We've had this rule from when I was young and have carried it on when I moved out. I think it makes sense not to walk all over the house with shoes that have been worn outdoors, who knows what you've stood on and then bringing all that in to your home.
I have shoe covers that I provide to workers.
Especially with young children I think it's even more important not to wear outdoor shoes indoor, carpets/rug will harbour all that dirt no matter how much you Hoover up.

My actual aibu is, if someone came to my house as a guest would it be U for me to ask them to remove their shoes? Obviously in a polite manner.
I feel quite embarrassed having to ask when these people already know.
My current house is all flooring with large rugs everywhere, the main living room is carpet.
I've noticed certain extended family members get annoyed at my request but the way I see it, it's my house, if I don't walk with shoes, why should you when you've chosen to come to my house.

OP posts:
Mumof3girlsandaboy · 04/03/2021 21:19

My children sit a lot on the floor and no shoes in my house. Everyone that comes into my house knows the rules

user143677433 · 04/03/2021 21:21

This reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where the uptight hostess ask Carrie to remove her shoes and they get stolen.

I wouldn’t dream of asking guests to remove their shoes. What about a woman wearing boots? It’s half of the outfit!

DrSbaitso · 04/03/2021 21:24

This reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where the uptight hostess ask Carrie to remove her shoes and they get stolen.

I've seen this as a plot in a few American programmes so I wonder if there's a cultural difference on it over there because it's always presented as something only uptight and awful people do. It's really not at all unusual over here.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/03/2021 21:25

I think it's really rude to ask visitors to remove their shoes. The exception would be if you warn them in advance so they can bring their own slippers. Or if my shoes are muddy I would obviously take them off voluntarily. But I don't want freezing cold feet and the houses where people ask you to remove shoes are generally not very clean anyway. Went to a family member's at Christmas where I was asked to remove shoes. I pretended I hadn't heard. The carpets were grim and they also had a flea infestation. It wasn't as if my clean shoes would make it any worse.

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 04/03/2021 21:31

Pre covid I visited a lot of homes for work and always offered to remove my shoes and made sure I was prepared to ie clean not holey socks etc.
I've always found people offer to remove shoes when they visit, we have hard floors downstairs so I always tell people not to worry, if someone has work boots or it's wet out I'll always say yes please if they are going upstairs.
Not something I've ever worried about but would if I had nice new carpets I guess! I think a lot depends on your flooring and upbringing plus who the guest is!

mathanxiety · 04/03/2021 21:33

I’m Irish so this could explain why I don’t know anyone who has a ‘shoes off’ policy. In U.K. it says both options are common so could explain why some people ‘only know’ shoes off people or vice versa.

Irish here too, but I knew several families where people took off shoes indoors even back in the 60s and 70s, growing up. They tended to be families whose houses had central heating. If you took off your shoes in the house I grew up in, your feet would soon be numb with cold.

Currently, in the US, I have friends from many different parts and observe their customs when I visit. I have light house shoes and outdoor shoes/boots for winter, and in summer I go barefoot indoors. It reminds me a little of school, where we had indoor and outdoor shoes and shoe bags in our cubbies to keep them in.

mathanxiety · 04/03/2021 21:37

I am very thankful that my upstairs neighbour seems to observe a shoes off policy in her apartment. The previous tenants sounded like a herd of wildebeest tramping around on the wooden floors.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 04/03/2021 21:37

I take my shoes off for comfort and so do my kids. Most child guests do as well. I would never, ever ask an adult to take their shoes off, unless they were wearing wellies or something. My carpets are nice but I have decent mat outside and a rug inside the door. I was raised to clean my shoes on the mat outside but not to remove them in general. I would never expect an adult to walk around my house in their socks or wear some guest slippers - that's pretty odd. Most adults don't have filthy shoes. Kids are different.

user1492809438 · 04/03/2021 21:39

Removing shoes comes from the time when middle class women suddenly had to do their own cleaning as they no longer had a 'tweeny' to do the rough housework.

MrsDonnelly · 04/03/2021 21:41

@EpiphanySoul1

I grew up on a farm. We were a shoes on household. Our house was always spotless. You wiped your feet thoroughly at the door and if your shoes were muddy or obviously dirty you would take them off and leave them at the door/clean them. If you were down the farm you would wear wellies and they wouldn’t go past the front door. I don’t really understand the grim for children bit - we were 6 siblings and none of us ever had those awful vomiting or stomach bugs that used to go around the schools if you think that would be the problem? Some antibodies and germ exposure is good for children. Plus it’s not like we were licking the floors?? If someone walks in your house in shoes that are wiped on a mat and not visibly dirty and leaving marks and you regularly hoover and mop your floors I don’t see the problem.

I wouldn’t automatically take my shoes off when I go into someone house. I would have no problem if someone said can you take your shoes off. I wouldn’t want to wear a pair of someone’s ‘guest slippers’ I think that’s completely odd.

I would also feel a bit weird if I was invited to someone’s for dinner/drinks and wore a nice dress and then we all end up sitting at the table in the house owners worn IKEA slippers or tights or bare feet - very underdressed or something.

I wonder if it’s contagious either way!!! I’ve never had friends offer to take their shoes off at mine or asked me to at theirs - usually they’re wearing shoes too whereas lots here seem to only know ‘shoes off’ households.

Overall I think if you’re a shoes off household you need to say it to your guests and there is nothing wrong with that. I certainly think it’s very rude to think they are rude if they don’t offer when it honestly is unlikely to occur to them if they are a shoes on house. I often take my shoes off when I get home as I like wearing those big fluffy slipper socks and putting my feet under me on the couch so seeing someone in slippers I’d be more likely to assume they’re like me rather than they don’t allow shoes on their floors!

This^. I’m so shocked about the level of germ phobia on here! I don’t tend to wear shoes upstairs and would remove muddy wellies but I can’t see the issue with keeping shoes on downstairs when I have wood floors and wipe my feet on the doormat when I get in. I always offer to take my shoes off when visiting friends (but secretly would much rather keep my shoes on). The thought of a guest getting their bare feet out in my house grosses me out!
HelloThereMeHearties · 04/03/2021 21:43

I think that some people do things like steam-clean their floors, @MrsDonnelly. They would be horrified at us slatterns who gasp wear shoes indoors! Grin

KettleWentBang · 04/03/2021 21:45

We're shoes off. Most people do when they come in. And I have wood floors. Except the stairs and upstairs.
I take my shoes off in others houses too. Except ils as they say not to. But they're forever paying to have carpet cleaned

EpiphanySoul1 · 04/03/2021 21:48

@mathanxiety that’s interesting you do know some families! I wonder if there is an age gap with us as there was no such thing as indoor and outdoor school shoes / cubby holes when I was at school unless that was just my school!

SuperCaliFragalistic · 04/03/2021 21:49

Let's just say that Shoes Off is very suburban

Grin

There's something very upwardly mobile about needing to keep your shagpile pristine, at the expense of the comfort of your guests.

hellohelpfuladvice · 04/03/2021 21:49

We have a shoes off rule. All of my house is tiled apart from the lounge downstairs. My parents would ignore my shoes off rule, despite me asking and reminding them to bring slippers. They then go in my carpeted lounge with their shoes they had just been on a dog walk in. Even my child would tell them they were naughty. I just can't really understand it, but then I do wear my shoes in other people's house so maybe this is the same. Hmmm tricky. I generally say to guests don't worry, but I don't consider family guests, friends are guests 🤔

DrSbaitso · 04/03/2021 21:49

Nobody removes or doesn't remove their shoes because of what working or middle class women did or didn't do 100 years ago. It's a personal preference. As this is MN, it's seen as a class signifier and lo and behold, everyone has decided that their preference is the more middle class one.

KettleWentBang · 04/03/2021 21:50

I do remember when my best mate got a brand new pure white carpet for her lounge. But still wouldn't allow shoes in in hall as if dirt got on socks it would traipse onto the lounge carpet. So shoes had to be left in porch.
She put a huge sign on door saying shoes off! It cracked me up.
It never bothered me as I said I've always taken shoes off. Ans if I have sandals on I'd take some socks in my bag. But that always made me laugh

Mrsdoubtfireswig · 04/03/2021 21:51

We are shoes off, but I don’t ask guests to remove. Hard floors with only carpet on stairs / landing so figure any germs / dirt from guests shoes would be minimal anyway

HelloThereMeHearties · 04/03/2021 21:52

@DrSbaitso

Nobody removes or doesn't remove their shoes because of what working or middle class women did or didn't do 100 years ago. It's a personal preference. As this is MN, it's seen as a class signifier and lo and behold, everyone has decided that their preference is the more middle class one.
Au contraire. It is U to keep Shoes On. Shoes Off is dreadfully Non U.
Mrsdoubtfireswig · 04/03/2021 21:53

Also have two dogs - who bring in far more mud / dirt on their paws and go all over the house than any of our shoes ever would !

Boxtroll · 04/03/2021 21:54

If I go to someone else's house for the first time, I usually ask whether they want me to take my shoes off or not.
I really don't understand how it's considered rude to take shoes off that have been outside Confused
I mean if they asked me to take my knickers and bra off I might consider that a bit rude!

tobee · 04/03/2021 21:56

If someone asks me to take my shoes off I'd feel like they are treating me as a child. I've met doormats before. I know what they do.

sunnydaleslayer · 04/03/2021 21:57

We all take our shoes off in the house but I wouldn't ask a guest to do so.

abw94 · 04/03/2021 21:58

YANBU.

I think it says more about the person who won't ask if you want them to take their shoes off, it's just polite.

DrSbaitso · 04/03/2021 21:59

I swear, once when we had this debate ages ago, a shoe-onner insisted that her way was the total upper class one, because when did you last see official photos of the Royal Family from inside Buckingham Palace without their shoes on? Huh? Huh?? Answer me that, peasants!

Anyway, I had a quick look on Debrett's but I can't find anything. Didn't find anything during a recent debate about hot tubs either, even though I was careful to use the correct term of "chavvy sex pond". But nothing. Fucking useless.