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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Removing shoes indoors

615 replies

diagold4u · 04/03/2021 15:35

Am interested to know how many people actually have the rule of no shoes indoors.
We've had this rule from when I was young and have carried it on when I moved out. I think it makes sense not to walk all over the house with shoes that have been worn outdoors, who knows what you've stood on and then bringing all that in to your home.
I have shoe covers that I provide to workers.
Especially with young children I think it's even more important not to wear outdoor shoes indoor, carpets/rug will harbour all that dirt no matter how much you Hoover up.

My actual aibu is, if someone came to my house as a guest would it be U for me to ask them to remove their shoes? Obviously in a polite manner.
I feel quite embarrassed having to ask when these people already know.
My current house is all flooring with large rugs everywhere, the main living room is carpet.
I've noticed certain extended family members get annoyed at my request but the way I see it, it's my house, if I don't walk with shoes, why should you when you've chosen to come to my house.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 05/03/2021 10:44

@VinylDetective so do you just sit with your feet on the floor all the time? I’m sat at the dining table at the moment but even now I have one leg tucked up under the other and DP is at the desk with both feet on the edge of the seat and his knees under his chin. So many more options without shoes on 🤣

DrSbaitso · 05/03/2021 10:44

I didn't know many shoes off houses when growing up, but a lot, if not most of them, seem to be now. Might be a cultural change in the UK, or it might be that I'm a disgusting and worthless little social abseiler who associates with people as low down and upwardly mobile as I am. Either is fine with me.

RincewindsHat · 05/03/2021 10:45

@RealMermaid

I am always faintly horrified when guests don't take their shoes off without being asked loo
me too!
Fairystory · 05/03/2021 10:47

Where are all these people who tell visitors to remove their shoes? I've only ever had that happen to me once.
I wear shoes all the time. I have arthritis and plantar fascitis and it is painful to walk without sensible shoes on. I would not want to visit family or friends who insist on bare feet. Don't invite guests round if you insist on bare feet.
I do have wooden floors downstairs which can be easily cleaned and I have different indoor and outdoor shoes.
I don't understand why people say taking shoes off is foreign, I just think it's rude to insist.

VinylDetective · 05/03/2021 10:48

[quote PattyPan]@VinylDetective so do you just sit with your feet on the floor all the time? I’m sat at the dining table at the moment but even now I have one leg tucked up under the other and DP is at the desk with both feet on the edge of the seat and his knees under his chin. So many more options without shoes on 🤣[/quote]
I’m not you. If I want those options I take my shoes off. I don’t need to have them off all the time.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/03/2021 10:52

So all of you who insist on visitors taking their shoes off, how do you feel about visitors who bring a clean pair of sandals to wear indoors?

DrSbaitso · 05/03/2021 11:01

@Fairystory

Where are all these people who tell visitors to remove their shoes? I've only ever had that happen to me once. I wear shoes all the time. I have arthritis and plantar fascitis and it is painful to walk without sensible shoes on. I would not want to visit family or friends who insist on bare feet. Don't invite guests round if you insist on bare feet. I do have wooden floors downstairs which can be easily cleaned and I have different indoor and outdoor shoes. I don't understand why people say taking shoes off is foreign, I just think it's rude to insist.
We don't generally have to ask; people come in, see the shoes on the rack by the door (and in my case, the horrific, disgusting, upwardly mobile and utterly incomprehensible basket of slippers for those who would like them) and make the connection. I don't think I'd make an issue of it if they didn't, but so far it's not been beyond anyone's wit. Not even the slippers that apparently confound some people so thoroughly. Guests seem to be OK with it. They're nice to me in general and they come back.

If I had a guest who couldn't remove their shoes for some medical reason, I would of course be fine with it and I'm very sure others would be too.

DrSbaitso · 05/03/2021 11:01

@MereDintofPandiculation

So all of you who insist on visitors taking their shoes off, how do you feel about visitors who bring a clean pair of sandals to wear indoors?
A couple of my friends do (they have a shoeless house themselves). Fine by me.
UrAWizHarry · 05/03/2021 11:02

"What are you struggling with?"

How fucking weird it is.

LakieLady · 05/03/2021 11:05

@bananaboats

I wouldn't dream of asking a guest to remove their shoes! If someone provided me with shoe covers it would be my first and last visit to their home!
I feel pretty much the same, @bananaboats, but I fear we're in a minority. Grin

I hate having to take my shoes off indoors. I especially hate it if it's a party, and I have gone to the trouble of picking the right shoes for my outfit (not just colour, but style and heel height) only to have to remove them and ruin my look. Builders' plastic shoe covers would be hideous!

Plus, I have poor circulation and my feet get cold really easily, and walking or standing barefoot gives me pain at the back of my calves. (I have had Achilles tendonitis on and off for years.)

But I'm housetrained, can't recall the last time I trod in dog shit, and wipe my feet whenever I enter anyone's house.

PattyPan · 05/03/2021 11:12

@Fairystory look up Katy Bowman, she has written books about recovering from plantar fasciitis

LakieLady · 05/03/2021 11:25

@QueenofGallifrey

I ask people to remove their shoes once in doors. I also provide disposable guest slippers for them to wear while in the house.
You don't care about the global environment then, just your own!
LakieLady · 05/03/2021 11:35

@takeasadsongandmakeitbetter

Pre covid I visited a lot of homes for work and always offered to remove my shoes and made sure I was prepared to ie clean not holey socks etc. I've always found people offer to remove shoes when they visit, we have hard floors downstairs so I always tell people not to worry, if someone has work boots or it's wet out I'll always say yes please if they are going upstairs. Not something I've ever worried about but would if I had nice new carpets I guess! I think a lot depends on your flooring and upbringing plus who the guest is!
When I was doing front line work involving home visits, we were forbidden from removing shoes on visits because of H&S. The reasoning behind this was risk of injury if you stood on something sharp and because of the occasional need to leave in a hurry if a client got aggressive or anything.

Any clients who had a problem with the non-removal of footwear were asked to provide shoe covers.

Icancelledthecheque · 05/03/2021 11:43

I’ve genuinely never had to ask any of my friends to remove their shoes because they’re all polite and courteous enough to just do it Confused

Same as when I go to other people’s houses. Wouldn’t dream of leaving my shoes on.

The exception being my brothers house which is so filthy that it’s safer to leave your shoes on!

DrSbaitso · 05/03/2021 11:45

@UrAWizHarry

"What are you struggling with?"

How fucking weird it is.

Oh, ok. Well, I'm a bit of a free spirit. I would even offer them to guests who are confounded so witless by them that they have to keep dropping F bombs over it.
therealteamdebbie · 05/03/2021 13:42

[quote PattyPan]@VinylDetective so do you just sit with your feet on the floor all the time? I’m sat at the dining table at the moment but even now I have one leg tucked up under the other and DP is at the desk with both feet on the edge of the seat and his knees under his chin. So many more options without shoes on 🤣[/quote]
do you take your shoes off at work? I don't and I sit at my desk in the same way.

I don't allow "legs tucked under" at the dining table either Confused

Apart from that, I can't think of that much time we have during the day to sit down or do nothing.

I don't care if people think we are common as much, I am as working class as can be, we are still a shoes on house. I can't stand slippers or people in socks during the day.

therealteamdebbie · 05/03/2021 13:45

@PattyPan

Can’t believe so many people are grossed out by feet. Totally bizarre.
No more bizarre than people objecting to men wearing vests or women wearing bikini tops in restaurants, or any other inappropriate outwear in public.

If you want to be barefeet in your home, it's your problem. I don't want to see them - or smell them - in mine. It's disgusting.

GrolliffetheDragon · 05/03/2021 14:34

I don't wear shoes in the house, neither DS does. I encourage DH not to. I wouldn't ask guests to remove their shoes.

With messy pets, a messy child and an inherited Vax we shampoo our carpets regularly anyway.

VestaTilley · 05/03/2021 14:52

In our house we always take them off and wear slippers, but I don’t ask people to take their shoes off, nor would I offer shoe covers - both are rude and poor etiquette.

PattyPan · 05/03/2021 14:58

@therealteamdebbie yes sometimes I take them off under the desk. How are feet disgusting? They are no more disgusting than hands. Shoes are the cause of feet smelling, btw. You sweat much less barefoot.

VettiyaIruken · 05/03/2021 15:00

My rule is "whichever the guest is comfortable with."

I don't wear shoes indoors, nor do my husband and sons but visitors can keep them on or take them off, it's up to them.

purplebagladylovesgin · 05/03/2021 15:10

That's my rule too. All shoes off in the porch.

After a particularly concerned friend refused to take her shoes off it transpired she had smelly feet and was embarrassed.

I now keep spare sock slippers that get washed after use and put back for guests to use.

23PissOffAvenueWF · 05/03/2021 15:52

@purplebagladylovesgin

That's my rule too. All shoes off in the porch.

After a particularly concerned friend refused to take her shoes off it transpired she had smelly feet and was embarrassed.

I now keep spare sock slippers that get washed after use and put back for guests to use.

How absolutely mortifying for your friend.

You basically forced her into admitting that, in your quest to prioritise your floors.

And the lesson you learnt from that mortifying exchange wasn’t - just welcome your guests into your home and make them feel comfortable...

It was - provide ‘guest socks’. Wow.

Minty82 · 05/03/2021 16:08

I think this has been a huge cultural change in the UK in the past 20 years or so. When I was growing up I didn’t know anyone who took their shoes off at home, and my parents, in-laws, aunts and uncles (in their 50s, 60s and 70s) still wouldn’t.
In the early 90s we lived in Asia and one of the biggest differences we had to get used to was the expectation that we would remove our shoes in other people’s houses. It was alien enough as a concept that it was commented on by all the ex-pats. And whenever a group of people left a house, the locals would slip their shoes onquickly and simply and the Europeans and Americans would be left tying their laces (this is men in business suits - slip-ons versus brogues).

But since I’ve been an adult, I’ve always taken my shoes off at home, and would always offer to in other people‘s houses. Most of my friends are the same, but would still wear shoes in our parents‘ homes. And having people round in the evening is different - totally agree that it would be weird if people have got dressed up it would be odd to make them removed something that makes the outfit.

PattyPan · 05/03/2021 16:15

I was born (in England) in the 90s and everyone I know has always taken their shoes off. My grandma actually has slippers that she keeps at my parents’ house for wearing there.