To think going back to work is the break I need.

[uglybugball08]

I’m currently on maternity leave and finding things hard.

My son is 12 months old. Ive never had any time away from him.
No support from family.

My husband had a promotion at work 3 months ago and since then he’s out of the house from 7am - 6pm.

By the time he’s home. He will eat his tea and have 20/30 minutes with our soon before it’s time for bath and bed.

He will help with the bath but my son feeds to sleep (breastfed) so my husband can’t help with that so that’s his que to leave and go down

I just feel like I never stop. From waking up I’m constantly on the go.

I’m cleaning the kitchen and dining room 3 times a day (after breakfast lunch and dinner)
I’ve got all laundry to do, the cleaning to do.

Chasing after my son, playing, going for walks.

I’ve tried doing my cleaning / laundry on a weekend but it just seems to eat into the day and I don’t want to be in the habit of using weekends to clean (especially when things are a bit more “normal” and we can go places)

My son is a real Velcro baby and takes both of his day naps on me (believe me, I have tried otherwise) so I can’t do much when he’s napping.

I just feel physically and mentally exhausted and there’s days where I feel really snappy and resentful toward my husband.

I’m due back to work in 8 weeks and I just keep thinking maybe this is the break I need.
Maybe this is my time to myself.

I’m only going back 3 days a week and I feel so
guilty for feeling this way.

This was me 5 years ago, don't feel at all guilty, it's bloody hard work.

I went back 3 days a week when my daughter was 18 weeks old (back in the day when it was 6 months mat leave).

I thought before she was born that I'd have really loved to stay home but actually I loved going back, and tbf was extremely fortunate that between H working shifts and willing grandparents I didn't have to leave her in a professional setting at such a young age.

It's really nothing to feel guilty about. Humans are multi faceted with lots of different needs and babies are bloody hard work, even more so in circumstances of the last year.

That said I do think you need to try and address the napping issue. He'll have to nap elsewhere when you are back at work and it will free up the time when you're at home so you don't have to do chores at the weekend, or fingers crossed, can really make a bit of 'me time' for yourself.

I was a sahm with my first but then returned to work 3 days a week when my second was 9 months old - I was much happier! I'm furloughed now and at home with both DCs, I desperately want to return to work to have a change of scenery.

Don't feel guilty. I found I needed time away from them at that stage to allow me to enjoy the time I did have with them.

@MintyCedric

I went back 3 days a week when my daughter was 18 weeks old (back in the day when it was 6 months mat leave).

I thought before she was born that I'd have really loved to stay home but actually I loved going back, and tbf was extremely fortunate that between H working shifts and willing grandparents I didn't have to leave her in a professional setting at such a young age.

It's really nothing to feel guilty about. Humans are multi faceted with lots of different needs and babies are bloody hard work, even more so in circumstances of the last year.

That said I do think you need to try and address the napping issue. He'll have to nap elsewhere when you are back at work and it will free up the time when you're at home so you don't have to do chores at the weekend, or fingers crossed, can really make a bit of 'me time' for yourself.

@MintyCedric

That’s the only part I’m not looking forward to, my son will be at nursery.

I’ve tried so many times to put him in his cot for nap times, he won’t go down.
He will go down on a night but not during the day.

The times I try he just ends up skipping his nap
completely. I’d rather him sleep on my so I can at least get an hour to sit down rather than no nap at all.

I’d rather him sleep on my so I can at least get an hour to sit down rather than no nap at all.

Yeah I get that...we had milk, biscuits and Peppa Pig time every afternoon until DD was about 3.5 for that exact reason

BTW I used to work at a large nursery (admin) and the baby room was really lovely and the staff fab.

It will be a change for both of you but that doesn't mean it will be a bad one.

I'm a SAHM to 2 preschoolers with tiny age gap. It's soooooo hard some days, and especially in lockdown.

Sometimes I wish I had a job to go to but with 2 nursery fees would have been unaffordable for me to work.

I feel like this with a toddler and a baby, its bloody hard! No childcare, no downtime etc, the only saving grace is I've found 2 easier than 1 and think maybe because done it before etc. This phase will pass op and it'll get easier, if going to work is your saving grace take it and don't feel guilty one bit!

Yanbu to want to return to work, and it'll be a break from your baby.

But your baby wont suddenly stop feeding to sleep (and is likely to reverse cycle for a while so feed more at night when you are around).

You'll have less time to do the same amount of laundry, not more.

If you've a bad,he's of the age now where you can start to drop off cuddled together, rather than being terrified about this, or just cuddle up on the bed. Or at least sit and just chill for an hour or two, rather than having to stay awake and focussed at work.

The house will stay a bit tidier.

Basically, 90% of the chores you do now, you'll still be doing, but they'll be done at the evenings and weekends, which is what you've said you don't want to do.

That's not to say you shouldn't go back to work, and there aren't positives, but the juggle is really really hard.

Bad night...

@Babyboomtastic

I will have 2 days off during the week so I’m
hoping I can cram it in on those days. Either that or I’ll be looking for a cleaner 🤣

The place has to be tidy for a cleaner. And they don't so your laundry...

And if it's hard to fit it in now when you have 5 days off, then it's going to be over twice as hard to do it when you are back at work.

It's a break from baby, but it's far more work overall.

@Babyboomtastic

The place has to be tidy for a cleaner. And they don't so your laundry...

And if it's hard to fit it in now when you have 5 days off, then it's going to be over twice as hard to do it when you are back at work.

It's a break from baby, but it's far more work overall.

I loved going back to work both times. It was exactly what I needed.

As for getting things done and more of a break, why doesn't your dh take your baby at the weekends and you can clean and then relax while they are together? I know that cleaning isn't a 'break' but it's frankly a nice change from constantly having a child attached to you, and you can relax, have a cup of tea, eat lunch in peace, etc. At 8 months, he should be fine being away from you long stretches and not needing a feed (and will need to get used to it anyway). So your dh could easily take him out for a long walk, to the playground, for a picnic, the best part of the day.

Ignore the gloomsters, a house without a baby in it all day is much tidier and cleaner, and for me work refreshed my brain enough so that even the household trudge was easier to take and I enjoyed my parenting more.
Mgood luck OP, it’s been a hideous year to have on maternity leave.

'Ignore the gloomsters, a house without a baby in it all day is much tidier and cleaner.'

Exactly there will be no one in to make mess through the day on your days at work! Laundry will be the same but at least there wont be other new mess on those days when you're not there.

But I have to counter what other's have sad, I didn't find the balance of everything going back to work challenging at all. There is still stuff to do, but you got all this stuff done and managed to work your whole adult life until now. So you will do it again. But there isn't as much chaos around the house when no one is in it most days. I have a very long commute - I'm gone 6am-7/8pm a few days a week and work from home the other days. Dh and I didn't find it hard to manage housework and everything else with both of us working. The key is both of you actually need to be engaged. If you are doing bedtime, your dh can do the tidying of the kitchen and back up the bag for nursery and hang up the washing, so that when you come downstairs, you can both relax.

As for feeding to sleep, that wasn't an issue for us either. Mine fed to sleep every nap until he started nursery (and then he obviously did just fine sleeping without a bf for naps there). And then we just moved to a cup of milk before bed around 14-15 months and that was that. I fed a bit during the night still til about 16 months, then weaned completely. This was a baby that was literally never away from me once before I went back to work, had never had a bottle ever, etc. It's fine. It works itself out when it's time.

@uglybugball08

You did ask. That means you are going to get a range of views. I've had 2 babies, 2 maternity leaves and 2 returns to work.

Number of times my workload increased on going back to work 2 out of 2.

That's not to say don't do it, returning to work is a given for most of us. But it certainly doesn't decrease the load. Unless that is, you'll be returning to work from home, and you can use your lunch hour doing chores.

Going back to work was the best thing I did - I should have gone back sooner. DD gets a huge amount out of being at nursery, I work pt so we still spend time together, and I'm a much better parent when I'm not doing it 24/7. I enjoy my job and it gives me balance in my life.

Don't feel guilty, working has massively improved my mental health, I have more money to provide for DD, and I really cherish the time I spend with her. She adores nursery and the routine there.

And I totally hear you with the constant cleaning up - I felt like my life on mat leave was spent either preparing food for the baby, feeding her, or cleaning up after feeding her, never mind the feeding of me and DP too!

YANBU, I was a SAHM and felt like this a lot during the first couple of years. It's mentally draining at times and just all a bit gahhhh. Your house definitely will be tidierwith no toddler there to wreck havoc and less eating going on.

The only thing is if you're going back I would try again with the naps thing. Even if it's in a buggy instead of the cot. Just out of your arms. My DC's childminder recently took on a new baby and she's similar with the sleep. It's a bit of a disaster for all involved. I'm sure they'll find a rhythm but I don't think it's fair on either the childminder or the upset baby to be put in that situation. You have eight weeks so plenty of time to tackle it.

Best of luck!

I've just started back at work after 12 months mat leave with my 2nd. Lockdown has made it all so much harder and I have to say I'm finding it much easier to be back working (even throwing homeschooling into the mix).
My son is the same as yours re naps bit naps perfectly at nursery. They just put him down and he has 2x 1hr sleep. It's making me work harder at letting him self settle and improving his sleep at home too.
My house is a tip still though! But my cleaner is coming back next week so that should improve matters!!!!

YANBU but why are you doing all those things alone? Why can’t your husband sort the laundry while you’re feeding baby to sleep? Why can’t you leave dinner time table cleaning to your husband for when he gets in?

I felt no guilt at all when I went back to work. I’m more than just a mother and a glorified housekeeper and I make no apologies for that.

No need to feel guilty at all - 3 days a week is perfect - a lovely break for you, and yes your son will probably nap perfectly at nursery with all the other children! There will be much less chores to do if you are all out of the house 3 days per week, house will be tidier, less meals to prepare and less food shopping to do. And your son will get so much out of nursery, especially the social side of things. I would recommend sharing drop offs and pickups with your husband - you need to become more of a team on your working days and weekends. You going back to work is a excellent opportunity for him to step up and contribute to the household.

Not at all, I went back to work 3 days a week when DD was 18 months and that extended break was due to us moving and me having to find a new job. It's the best of both worlds for us, DD loves nursery and has a little friendship group (she's 2 1/2 now) and I don't have to stay at home all week with her going out of my mind with playing and tidying, and on the days I'm home with her we have plans and activities we do, I find it very hard to just be at home with no plans so covid has been a pain!