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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dad offering to pay mortgage

17 replies

flaxensunshine · 03/03/2021 22:45

So this is crazy and can’t believe I’m writing this.

My dad has offered to pay our mortgage off. I am in my 40s and I think his view is that we would get the money when he goes so he would like us to have quality of life now and enjoy it when he is here.

I guess my worry is that we have until this point had an interest only mortgage so effectively paid nothing off, if MY dad pays it all off and we were to split up then where do we stand? My DH would be entitled to 50% of the house that my dad has paid for? Don’t get me wrong he has paid his share and we have been together a very long time so a split is unlikely but thoughts?

OP posts:

notdaddycool · 03/03/2021 22:52

Pay it off and save the money you would have spent on it then you’ll have a whole lot more assets in the future whether or not you split. Paying 25 years of interest is a huge insurance policy.

Boph · 03/03/2021 22:52

Is a split on the cards?
It's a risk you take. I have given a substantial sum to each of my adult DC. It's possible their future spouse could benefit but it's a gift and I chose not to put strings on it.

Griselda1 · 03/03/2021 22:53

Get legal advice about protecting your father's investment for you.

Original poster

flaxensunshine · 03/03/2021 22:54

@Boph

Is a split on the cards? It's a risk you take. I have given a substantial sum to each of my adult DC. It's possible their future spouse could benefit but it's a gift and I chose not to put strings on it.

No a split is not on the cards, we have been together forever, but I guess I feel like I would be even more tied to staying together forever or at least as long as my Dad is with us?

Is that weird?

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 03/03/2021 23:03

So this is crazy and can’t believe I’m writing this.

I think you need to start from first principles.

Why do you feel uneasy? Do you have reason to think you’ll split from your husband?

If you did - would your dad be livid/disappointed/feel cheated? Or would he still think that his grandchildren (assuming you have kids) get the benefit i.e. both parents in a better place even if they’re not together.

If - God forbid - your dad had died, what would you have done with any inheritance? Would you have protected it from your husband in any way (and why?) and if not, why is this different?

Do you have siblings? Can your dad afford to give you this money?

And lastly - if you’ve got an interest only mortgage what is your plan?

NoSquirrels · 03/03/2021 23:08

even more tied to staying together forever or at least as long as my Dad is with us?

That is a bit weird, yes. Either you are a pragmatic type (nothing is truly for ever) or you are obliged, by personal/religious feeling or by family ties to pretend all is well despite difficulties (till death us do part, in sickness and in health etc.) Your father offering you money shouldn’t override your moral/personal code.

Cocomarine · 03/03/2021 23:08

Sever your Tenants in Common status and become Joint Tenants with an uneven split.
As a solicitor to draw up a post nuptial agreement that gives an uneven share of the house to you.
Accept that this can be ignored by a judge in the event of a divorce, but consider that it might still be persuasive to the judge as to both your intentions as to this inheritance.

But basically - solicitor advice.

You could also sell a large share of the house to your dad. That way it’s not your asset in a divorce. You still have the risk of care home fees levied against it, and paying IHT when you later inherit the share. I know a husband and wife are protected from being forced to sell if one is in a care home, not sure how that works for unmarried joint owners though.

blisstwins · 03/03/2021 23:16

Are you in England or the US. In the US if the money comes from your family as a gift to you and you do not comingle it is still yours--you can claim it as separate property. But you have to speak to a lawyer.

I was in a 16 year marriage and did not have a prenup, thought my husband was a saint. Never expected a thing. Guess what? Shit happens. I would accept the gift, but try to ring-fence it.

Chanandlerbong01 · 03/03/2021 23:18

Take it! My grandparents saved all their lives and had a will for all their money to go between us all. They both ended up needing long term care and we were left with barely anything. Had they understood this towards the end they would have been devastated as they saved for our security when they weren’t around anymore. Go to a solicitor and do what is suggested above about joint tenants for peace of mind.

Original poster

flaxensunshine · 03/03/2021 23:24

In England to be clear.

Thanks all, I think I need to take some legal advice x

OP posts:

MumofSpud · 03/03/2021 23:25

My parents did this with us a few years ago.
My DH offered to sign something if we split up but they said no.

Babyroobs · 03/03/2021 23:26

How do you know you'd get the money when he goes, what if he needs that money in his later years for decent care? Or does he have enough set aside for that ?

Original poster

flaxensunshine · 03/03/2021 23:27

@MumofSpud

My parents did this with us a few years ago. My DH offered to sign something if we split up but they said no.

That’s interesting thanks, it’s so difficult isn’t it because if I ask him to do this he will think I don’t want to be with him?

OP posts:

Original poster

flaxensunshine · 03/03/2021 23:28

@Babyroobs

How do you know you'd get the money when he goes, what if he needs that money in his later years for decent care? Or does he have enough set aside for that ?

His words.. it will all come to you (and my sister, he has offered her the same amount) so we might as well enjoy it while he is still here and we are young enough?

OP posts:

BackforGood · 03/03/2021 23:30

Seems a weird thing to come into your mind if you have been together for such a long time and until this point there was no thinking of splitting up.

What your Dad is doing, makes sense - as long as it isn't seen as deprivation of assets / avoiding paying for care costs / avoiding inheritance tax, and he (your Dad) lives on for (I think) it is another 7 years.

Sangria · 03/03/2021 23:54

There are two ways of doing it, a gift or a loan. Either would save you the expense of setting-up fees and interest.

Perhaps your Dad could pay off the mortgage but have a lien on the house so that if it was sold he would be paid back before the balance was shared between you and your husband. It would be a loan.

Would there be inheritance tax to pay on his estate? If so, and he gives you the money without security, you have to weigh up the chances of losing 50% of the gift in the event of splitting up against the certainty of losing 40% in inheritance tax if your Dad doesn't survive for seven years after the gift or if it is a secured loan rather than a gift.

Or you might get away with it and save a lot of money.

You need both legal and financial advice.

Fiona2020 · 04/03/2021 00:07

You can buy or change your mortgage to tenets in common.my parents bought my house. Me and my partner to now looking to buy. I will put down £60,000 he will put down £5,000 you buy as TIC amd you own a percentage each.

Also we have agreed to have an addiction all agreement drawn up

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